Not sure how to handle this...... what are your thoughts?
I have two trips to make this fall. Trip 1 is already set in stone, but trip 2 is still up I'm the air as I haven't booked the hotel yet. Trip 2 is my dilemma.
Trip 1 will be me, bs4 and bs1 flying home for a long weekend at my moms. This trip was planned at her request so that we could attend a ceremony that is honoring my late brother. Dh nor SS are coming on this trip. Dh got a bit pissy at first that I wasn't taking SS until I explained to him how much the tickets cost and that if I brought him I would also have to rent a car for 4 day since my mom drives a tiny 2 door that barely barely fits the boys car seats. He understood, and is fine with it now.
Trip 2 was tentatively planned before trip 1. It is the weekend immediately after trip 1. We are ALL to take a 2 hr drive down to meet up with a friend of mine who was there for her MILs wedding. Its in a tourist town on the beach so we decided to take a long weekend and make a vacation of it since we have never had a real vacation since we got together 8 years ago.
Dh just realized the dates of trip 2 a few weeks ago and was horrified to realize it was the same weekend as some boxing/fighting pay per view event. He threw a little mantrum and we haven't discussed it since.
Here's my problem: I don't think dh wants to go on trip 2 anymore. He has a buddy that throws big parties for ppv event and he wants to go to that instead. I need to book the room soon or prices will go up. What should my stance be on ss11 if dh decided to stay home?
Should I say that SS will be staying with him then?
Should I leave it up to him where SS goes?
Should I just say I am taking him with me?
Here the deal.... I don't really want SS coming if dh isn't. He's a handful and with his ADHD he is a lot to take. Esp when we will be together 24/7 in a hotel room. I know it will be really hard to relax and spend time with my friend if I have all three kids to deal with. My two are really easy but SS run off, disobeys, tells bs4 to do things he shouldn't etc. And, on a more principled level I think dh needs to take responsibility for his son.
But I do feel bad taking two back to back trip that SS isn't included on. I am not disengaged per say....but I am stepping back when dh is home and expecting him to parent.
What do you think I should do if dh says he's not coming?
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DH should stay with HIS son.
DH should stay with HIS son. Period.
Yeah, and on a totally
Yeah, and on a totally logical level I completely agree. I just feel bad ya know?
It was one this g when both SS and SD were here, I didn't feel bad at all taking time for just my kids. But now it feels more like I am specifically excluding SS, since he's the only kid not going.
I understand how you would
I understand how you would feel bad. Slighting kids whether Skid or Bio is such a hard thing to do. The maternal instinct doesn't usually allow for us to do things like that, but honestly, if your DH decides to stay he needs to stay with his son. Maybe you should tell him that. "DH, I am getting ready to book the trip we discussed. Are you planning on staying because if you are, SS is staying with you." That might make him rethink his little boxing match.
I agree. When you were in
I agree. When you were in the planning stages, he was going too. Now, he's planning on not going and you will have to shoulder his burden. I would give him the option whether he was going or not. This way, if he decides he's not going, SS NOT going is totally on him.
SS should stay home husband.
SS should stay home husband. He's 11. He should enjoy hanging with the guys, getting for the fight more than being with you and two babies.
Sadly, no. He's very immature
Sadly, no. He's very immature and has no interest in boxing or parties like that. If given the choice I am sure he would pick 4 days at the pool/beach with me and the babies.
Well if it's the boxing PPV
Well if it's the boxing PPV that I am thinking of those don't start until late, like midnight.....so I can see it not being a kid's event.
DH needs to go on the trip
DH needs to go on the trip and be happy about it. It was planned before he knew about the fight on TV, it's a family thing you all planned and he needs to go!!
That's definitely the first
That's definitely the first choice....and I will be pushing for that. But I want to be prepared in case he says that he won't go. He's hasn't ever said that he wouldn't come or no longer wants to go....but based on his reaction when he realized the conflict, I know what he's thinking.
Your DH needs to decide if he
Your DH needs to decide if he wants to do something with his family or on his own. There will be plenty more fights to watch. Sometimes as adults we have to suck it up and do what is best for our children and families. Sounds to me like he is being a big baby about it, making you feel bad. Oh wells he doesn't get to go to the party.
I agree with this. Point out
I agree with this. Point out that he is now, after 8 years of no family trips, choosing a PPV thing over his family.
If he still doesn't go, sorry but SS needs to stay with him.
He needs to stay with his
He needs to stay with his dad, dad is choosing not to go on the trip, dad needs to take care of HIS son.
Go have fun with your kids
SS being included or excluded
SS being included or excluded on the 2nd trip is on your DH. If he decides not to go, he is basically making the decision for SS not to go, as you should not have to deal with him alone.
It will be interesting to see what he chooses for his son.
I agree with everyone
I agree with everyone else...he is his dad's responsibility. I'd just book the room. Make sure you get a king bed for you and your bkids. and if he does ask why you can say 1) you can't handle 3 kids and 2) there is no room.
What a giant toddler your spouse sounds like!!!
That's exactly why I want it
That's exactly why I want it nailed down before I book the room. If everyone is going we need a room with two full beds, but if its just me and my boys we can get a room with one king bed.
I would just tell him up
I would just tell him up front. "DH if you don't go, SS will have to stay with you because I can't handle all 3 kids for that kind of a trip. It will be good bonding for you both anyway."
I think wanting to watch a
I think wanting to watch a fight on PPV is NOT an excuse to back out of a family trip that has been planned. There have been numerous times I have missed boxing fights/UFC fights that I REALLY wanted to see because I didnt have a sitter for BS or we had plans early the next morning, so it made no sense for me to stay out and watch, even if I had a sitter.
I would kill my FDH if he backed out of a trip because he wanted to go to a party.
That expectation is partly my
That expectation is partly my fault....I set it up early in our relationship. I used to take his kids with me whenever I went somewhere and due to his work schedule he often times did t come with. So I have in the past made many trips back home to visit my family with the skids while he stayed home. I also took them on day trips with my kids, and even just them before I had our kids, while he stayed home.
It sounds as if your ss is
It sounds as if your ss is becoming more difficult to handle though-hence the reason you don't really wish to take him. I would simply approach your dh with-"so you and ss still planning on going on weekend 2-I'm getting ready to make room reservations" I would discuss them as a package deal and a given that ss will be going with dh wherever he chooses to stay.
Can your inlaws take him for
Can your inlaws take him for the weekend?
peanut, u're not one to mince
peanut, u're not one to mince words
i would just tell him plain and simple, "i cannot handle ss by myself while also handling two other small children. i want for this to be a family trip, and i really need to make the reservation soon. so by saturday, let me know if i should get just one room or a 2 bedroom."
if he decides to stay for a PPV party and tries to guilt you to take SS, just repeat the first sentence and add "i know i'm wonderful but i am only capable of so much. i'm sorry you are choosing PPV instead of a nice family trip, and i'm sorry your decision is causing ss to miss out."
I am with the others: DH your
I am with the others:
DH your choices are as follows:
1. You're going on this trip with your family, as a PPV event should not take priority over spending quality time with your family.
2. You're going on this trip with your family, as a PPV event should not take priority over spending quality time with your family.
3. Should you choose to stay behind, SS11 is staying with you and you're going to be in the doghouse for a VERY LONG TIME for choosing a PPV event over time with your family.
Does your SS know about the
Does your SS know about the trip #2? Just wondering because I rarely tell my BS3.5 about upcoming events just in case something comes up and we don't/can't end up going, that way he is not disappointed.
If SS doesn't even know about trip #2, then I would say that if DH wants to stay home and watch a fight, then SS should stay home as well. However, if SS already knows about the trip, then DH should stop acting like a man baby and go on the trip. I mean can't he have his friend DVR the fight and watch it when he gets back? Or you can buy it wherever you are going and he can watch it there. That's a pretty ridiculous excuse for not wanting to go IMHO
To my knowledgr,none of the
To my knowledgr,none of the kids know about either trip yet. Dh may have mentioned it to SS, but I don't think so.
My guess is there is a bar
My guess is there is a bar down there that will be showing the fight on PPV. Or...you could get it on the hotel TV, possibly. Either way, the fight is a poor excuse to miss the trip.