Have just found this forum ...... what a relief!
After yet another frustrating non-discussion with DH about how his kids' behaviour has spoiled another Christmas/vacation/trip/special occasion, I stumbled across this forum tonight. What a relief to find that I'm not alone and that this is not all my fault as some would have me believe. I've only personally known one other stepmother and as she's had a genuinely idyllic relationship with her SD for three decades now, I've never been able to have an informed discussion with other step parents who are having similar experiences to mine. I look forward to having an opportunity for some much overdue venting, to learning a lot and hopefully to making some important changes in my life. Thank you for the lifeline!
Welcome! I also just found
Welcome! I also just found this forum a few weeks ago and it has been a lifesaver! Everyone has a lot of great insight here.
and yes it feels AMAZING to be able to vent not hold back. }:)
The thing to remember is that
The thing to remember is that as this is a site for venting you are not going to hear a lot of positive stories.
There are many, many stepfamilies out there that do not have the poisonous individuals portrayed here. But those people aren't here.
Unfortunately there are still too many of us that have to deal with vile BMs, worthless skids and/or spineless partners.
Thank you for the warm
Thank you for the warm welcome. I know there must be quite a number of trauma-free stepfamilies out there who have always managed to make it work and I'm happy for them. But after 10 years of dysfunction in mine, the positive stories don't really give me hope and somehow manage to make me feel worse about my own situation. Listening and sharing with other step parents who have been through the mill and continue to struggle in their own families gives me reassurance, hope for pathways out of the conflict and a sense of shared understanding I didn't have before finding this site. For me desperation comes from isolation and a sense of failure, and understanding from reading the stories of other step parents that I'm being scapegoated for the many parenting failures of the bio parents has made me feel a whole lot better already. Sometimes being able to name the problem goes a long way towards solving it.
Welcome to ST, this is a
Welcome to ST, this is a wonderful place for guidance and support. You are not alone here. Step life can work nicely if your husband/SO is able to prioritize and balance his priorities. I have seen a couple of examples myself. In these families everybody's opinion is respected, everybody matters and everybody feels included.
But most situations are not as described above; not at all. In fact statistically speaking 80% of the step families out there are dealing with dysfunction when a SM/daughter is involved. When you are dealing with a birth son accepting a SM, the number increases slightly, about 15 percent from what I have read. One out of five step families are fully functional and harmonious. Walking in, you have 1/5 chance of winning at this crazy race.
So, always know you are not alone, you are not wrong, and ST is here to support you when you question yourself.