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Don't leave me alone with him!

NachoMama's picture

Dh comes in last night around 8:30 after a meeting. He comes in the living room and sits down. I can tell he has something he wants to say and am just waiting to hear the "news". He small talks a little about the meeting then says...."I talked to SS11 tonight. (This is the one that I am not allowing over to the house at the moment) I told him that I loved him and that I wanted to see him." (The child's grandfather just died so I am being as understanding as I can about this) As soon as he said this...I literally felt my stomach DROP! I said..."Did you call him or did he call you?" (Not really important but DH has tried to get in touch with SS for a month and he has not returned his father's calls...which pisses me off) DH says that he called SS11. This is our weekend to have the kids so of course I am wondering if he's coming....so I ask. DH says no I don't think he will be coming this weekend. WHEW!!! What a relief! DH said that he also told SS11 that he was VERY unhappy with his behavior the last time that he was with us and that he owed us an apology. SS said ok. I know this child and I can imagine it was a very mumbled ok just so DH would not get on his case...
I am still not ready for him to come over. I am one of those people...if I don't like you....it is very hard for me to hide it. I just don't see the point...although with SS I KNOW I am going to have to at least show indifference. The issue is this: SS8 plays sports and usually has practice or a game on Saturdays. If it's just practice...I usually stay home in the bed and SS11 will stay home with me....I am not going to be comfortable with this anymore. I don't really know how to tell DH....Hey when you take SS8 to practice, you are going to have to take SS11 with you. And then of course that is going to make SS11 a more miserable little brat towards me. But why should I have to be there alone with him??? I am not his babysitter!!!

Comments

soverysad's picture

Make dh take him. It will be a true consequence to his behavior. Present it exactly that way. "Because of SS11's behavior toward me, I am no longer being alone with him and would prefer you take him with you when you go to SS8s practices. I am sorry it has to be this way. Perhaps when he can show sincere remorse and show consistent improvement in his attitude, I will change my mind". This message should be relayed to SS11 with the phrase "you made this choice when you decided to be disrespectful to nacho. There are consequences to your behavior and if you're rude / mean to people they will not want to be with you".

"A pessimist complains about the wind, an optimist counts on the wind changing, a realist adjusts his sails"

There IS a difference between having a different opinion and being an asshole, find it.

Kb3Hooah's picture

I like SVS's idea better, lol.

______________________________________
"Most couples have not had hundreds of arguments, they've had the same argument hundreds of times."

Kb3Hooah's picture

Why not make some plans for yourself during this time? Meet with some friends, go shopping, get a manicure. Not only are you taking some time out for yourself to do things you enjoy, it places the responsibility back on DH for SS11.
______________________________________
"Most couples have not had hundreds of arguments, they've had the same argument hundreds of times."

3bk1sd's picture

My DH watches my kids for me all the time. I work evenings and weekends when he's home so that we don't have to pay for daycare. I however, will never watch SD. She acts terrible when she's here and makes up lies about how we treat her. DH agrees that her and I shouldn't be left alone. He would always take my side if she accused me of something untrue but we really just don't need the bullshit.

NachoMama's picture

Typically I would not mind him staying with me...he will just be asleep anyway. But I feel like that's giving him what he wants and after the way he treated me...I could care less about his wants.

****I can do bad all by myself****