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SS16 Passive Aggression rules - predicting the next move

Polo's picture

Disappearing has not worked.

For the past 3 months I have organised my life to NOT be here every second weekend when my partners obnoxious 16year old son comes to visit, prev in feb of this year I had told him (SS) and partner that I would no longer accept abuse from him, and that i would no longer have anything to do with him. He then stepped up bad behaviour by telling partners family (who unfortunately all live locally) lies about things i said or did, or that my partner did. They believed him and it became the biggest mess you have every seen!!! So during the summer I became severely depressed and afraid to go down town in the place we live because the bad feelings and the fear I might run into the extended family. This is a family that I have been part of for over 4 years, and have done a huge amount for.

So this weekend, I'm ill with a cold, have some work I need to do and came home early on the sunday, and am working in my study ever since. I did wonder what his reaction would be, and warned my partner to expect some some of bad behaviour, but as it is usually passive aggressive stuff, its very hard to quantify.

Sure enough, I just went into the loo and faced a unflushed dirty loo! This was a major problem back in february, filty unflushed loos and trashed bathrooms.

Apparently this has NOT happened in the 3 months I have been avoiding the house on these weekends. Partly the reason I came back early was because staying away wasn't working, as his behaviour was getting worse... ie. came home drunk 4 weeks ago-).

So the passive aggressive behaviour is starting again. I have moved on from the depression place I was in, and am now in a hugely angry place. I will not take that out on him, because I refuse to give him any excuse to blame me for anything.

Have an essay to write on aggression, am going to use it to learn all about all passive aggresive behaviour, and use it to predict for my own entertainment, what he is going to do next...

Only another 4 hours and he'll be gone... Mmm, what else can he get up to? its unlikely he'll challenge me face to face, its going to more passive aggressive stuff. Prob leaving a mess in the kitchen...

Thanks for the space to rant, so much appreciated.

Polo's picture

My s/o went in and told him to go and flush the loo. No more, no less. I am being supported, i choose to leave, cos I thought by me being out of the way, the attention would be more focused on HIS behaviour, and this has worked.

S/o now sees the problems I pointed out, and our relationship is improving all the time. SS just wants me gone cos he thinks he will get away with his bad behaviour more and will also get more attention and time. By disappearing for 3 months, he has shown that his behaviour gets worse without me being within 20 miles of the house, so he couldn't blame me, ie his drunkeness was in response to me not engaging with him... so when he got drunk, my s/o knew just who was responsible... the 16 year old himself..

So now I'm home, and not just quietly hiding out. I'm making coffee, or going into front room to talk to s/o while ss has spent all day lying in his bedroom, watching dvds and prob trying to figure out why i'm here and whats going on with his parent. Interesting to watch what happens next..

Polo's picture

Thank you all, and esp thank you, StepAside, I love that sentence:

Passive aggressors COUNT ON your silence. Remember that.

It is so true@! It's like something has just hit me over the head.

So from now on, I'll be calling on those passive aggressive shots...

}:)