SS hard to be around
I live with my boyfriend. We've been together for 5 yrs. I have a 19 y/o daughter that I've always had sole custody of. I moved in with my BF when she was established on her own. She never minded visiting his house but didn't really want to live there. I was not going to force it. He has a 17 y/o son. His mother recently passed away so he is with us full time. He would occasionally visit stay with SD and 5 y/o half brother until the coronavirus hit. He actually spends most of the time with paternal grandparents when his dad is away at work. I'm okay with that bc I can't stand being around him. He acts like and the whole family treats him like an 8y/o girl. He's bratty, sassy, a smart alec, know-it-all and entitled. His parents divorced when he was 5 due to his dad finding a gf. The whole family was absolutely devistated. He has been babied ever since. His mom was a beautiful soul and I love and miss her very much. But she encouraged a lot of inappropriate behaviors. When I came around he was still sleeping with his father and carrying a pink stuffed animal. Until 14 when I pointed out it was inappropriate. His grandma just recently stopped sleeping in the same room when he stays over. I had to convince him to tell her it wasn't necessary anymore. He hasn't tried to see or speak to his little brother (who also lost his mom) in months. His dad gave him a car and gas $. I've been urging them both for him to get a job since he was 15. He does nothing around the house or yard unless dad makes him. He does it but whines, moans and complains. He likes being with me until recently when I started standing up to him. He has always picked at me, correcting the way I do things, dishes, yard work, etc. Like the annoying know-it-all kid no one liked in 4th grade. I watched him out the window yesterday. His grandparents were hooking up their camper. He sat in the car with the door open and watched. Til it started to rain then he closed the door. When it quit raining he rolled down the window and watched some more. Like at least get out and offer to help. He picks on/ bullies his grandma and she just plays it off as he's joking. He never says please, thank you, sorry. His dad basically wants me to be the disciplinarian. I think he has that guilty father syndrome. I am heartbroken and angry that I feel this way about him. And also very angry that no one sees a problem. I am crazy about my bf but I often just want to get away from the situation.
Wow, he sounds like quite the
Wow, he sounds like quite the entitled little prince.
It's not your job to whip him into shape, I wouldn't bother trying, either - clearly his father and grandparents wish for him to continue to have prince status and not be expected to do anything, ever.
The real issue here is that at this rate, he will not ever move out of your home, since he has zero life skills and was sleeping with Mommy and Grandma until very recently. So I'd focus on making sure your husband knows you won't tolerate him living there well into his 20s, as I'm sure he will do otherwise, with his father's blessing.
Sadly, Itwas his father he
Sadly, Itwas his father he was sleeping with til I pointed out the weirdness of it. He has plans to go to college 3 hours away. His grades are okay but could be much better with more effort. His dad doesn't want to talk about any of this bc work is so stressful (and it is) He's only home on the weekends and just wants everything to be peaceful. He admits there is issues but minimizes them. I don't want to put more stress on him but I feel like his son's mental health and life skills should take priority. I do feel responsible as a human to help mold him into a responsible, respectable adult.
I'd be surprised if he can
I'd be surprised if he can manage to stay in college - just because he plans to go doesn't mean he will, or that he will be successful. At any rate, if that's the plan, then you certainly shouldn't bother trying to shape him up. Maybe he should live with his grandparents during the week when your husband isn't there.
I'd have a hard time respecting DH if he treated his son that way.
It is very hard respecting
It is very hard respecting him as a parent He sucks at parenting. He is amazing at everything else. He runs a prison. He knows how to deal with inmates but can't deal with his own sons issues. I work at a prison also. It's female inmates and when I get home I honestly feel like I'm dealing with one.
That's interesting - so he
That's interesting - so he can deal with the toughest of the tough, and yet he's such a softie with his son.
Yep. I honestly think it goes
Yep. I honestly think it goes back to the divorce. He cheated on BM and left her. I think he still feels guilty. I think that's why everyone still treats him like he's 8. And SS loves that attention.
What's sad is that he's
What's sad is that he's destroying his son's future because of his guilt. He's making him into a dependent, entitled, and unlikeable person to make himself feel better.
Yep. I honestly think it goes
Yep. I honestly think it goes back to the divorce. He cheated on BM and left her. I think he still feels guilty. I think that's why everyone still treats him like he's 8. And SS loves that attention.
I don't really understand the
I don't really understand the logic in the thinking of men like this - I caused the divorce, so now I'm going to ruin his future, too, and make him into a horrible person that will have trouble as an adult. How does that make someone feel better?
Exactly. That's what I've
Exactly. That's what I've been trying to tell him for years. He's gonna end up dead or in prison. I tell DH that SS is turning into that person you can't stand as an employee, entitled, lazy, no work ethic. It's so sad and frustrating
There are also 4 other
There are also 4 other grandchildren, his cousins. 3 boys and one girl all younger than him and none of them get treated this way.
Thank goodness. Maybe they
Thank goodness. Maybe they have a chance not to be insufferable jerks.
I sometimes find it very hard
I sometimes find it very hard to be around my youngest stepdaughter. She's also a know it all. Her favorite word is, "Actually". Constantly corrects and one-ups everyone.
She's also a slob and wipes her period on the walls of her bathroom, leaves used toilet paper on the floor. *gags*
Sounds like it is time to
Sounds like it is time to call her on her know it all bullshit with "Until you learn to stop being a slob, stop leaving used toilet paper on the bathroom floor and stop wiping your period mess on the walls of the bathroom that you have no busness correcting anyone on anything or trying to present yourself as a know it all."
Lather, rinse, repeat, publically if necessary, until she gets her mess together and stops that crap.
this sounds a lot like son of stbx.
I realize this thread is old, but just in case someone sees. Yeah, the son of stbx was sleeping with his father until we met a year ago. kid does not lift a finger around the house and stbx doesnt ask him to do a goddamn thing. I bet these two will have a similar fate although the fac that your SS can at least manage to pass school is at least a step in the right direction.