Questions for the stepmoms out there from an 18 year old girl (long)
Hi, I'm new here. I'm 18 and I really adore my stepmom.
I'm not a stepmother, I'm a stepdaughter. I hope it's okay that I'm here?
I guess this post is based on a lot of insecurity.
My parents divorced when I was 2 years old. Growing up my dad was an alcoholic and went through a lot of girlfriends- really bad situations with drugs involved. He has 3 other kids he doesn't talk to.
He moved to another state for a job offer and I moved in with my mom when I was 9.
I developed a lot of anger towards my dad for being emotionally abusive, putting me into even worse abusive situations,and not being there for me.
When I was 12 he met a really great woman. He flew here for father's day that year with J and things blew up. I was angry, he yelled at me and insulted my mom, and a distressed J tied to comfort me. I ignored them both the rest of the time they were here. Not a great first impression with J.
After that he really started to clean up his act. He stopped drinking and using drugs, lost a lot of weight, starting being civil to my mom, and I started talking to him again.
In the past 8 or so years I've seen them on visits, and have bonded with both of them.
They both came recently and stayed for a week. I spent a lot of time with my stepmom (they actually aren't married yet but I consider her my stepmom 100%). We bonded a lot.
My mom is ill. She has a degenerative bone disease, lupus, fybromyalgia, 4 ruptured disks in her spine, and more. She just got over having breast cancer and is losing her hair again and well as her teeth from the chemo.
My mom is a wonderful person; loving, strong, devoted, funny, etc. I love her more than life itself.
But because she's sick she can't be there for me as much as she used to be. I confide in her and she either is too tired to focus on it or forgets what I said.
I hold no negative feelings for that. She does the best she can and for the most part her best is pretty great.
However, I still crave someone to confide in, a mother figure. Naturally I'm drawn to my stepmom.
She and my dad live a state over, so I don't get to see her a lot.
She tells me she loves me, that she's there for me, to call her anytime. But she works crazy long hours and has her own kids to take care of. I love her and I want to talk to her, but I feel like I'm interfering with her family and her life.
To the stepmoms out there- have you ever felt like your stepkids interfere with you and your biological kids?
Do and of you have good relationships with your stepkids long distance?
I want so much for her to love me like her own. I don't know if she does or not.
I'm sorry, this post doesn't seem too clear. Does anyone have any feedback to this big ramble?
Hi Just wanted to send u big
Hi
Just wanted to send u big hugs for whats happening to your mum.
I'm a SD so really don't have have advice from SM view.
You are rare and unique among
You are rare and unique among young women your age, whether they are a SD or BD. Let your SM know what's going on in your mind and Thank her for the friendship she has extended to you so far. You obviously don't want to impose, but your SM sounds like she has been good for your father and for you.
You are very mature for your
You are very mature for your age and very considerate.
I think your sm obviously wants to be there for you, and you need her. have you thought about email etc if she works crazy hours?
I don't think she in anyway thinks you interfere with her biokids, i think she sees you as part of her children, so take her offer of support cos i think you would both appreicate it, she wants to help, you want to help
how refreshing to see someone with such a level head, what a credit you are to yourself.
It is so nice to hear a SD
It is so nice to hear a SD wants to be close to her Stepmom. I am sorry for what you are going through with your mom. As long as it doesn't make her feel bad, you should say exactly what you said here to your Stepmom. We stepmoms would happily let you blend in with our own Biokids. Trust me, if my stepdaughter would treat me like that I would be thrilled. Instead mine treats me nice only when she can get something from me.
Good luck.
I honestly wish I was like u
I honestly wish I was like u myself when it comes to my stepmum.
We get along fine but would not say we are on the same level as u and your stepmum.
I just think your are amazing young girl for what u are going through with your mother not sure I would cope or even being able to confide in my sm.
I am a SM only. I have no
I am a SM only. I have no bio-children, so I can't really say anything from that perspective. I do, however, want to tell you that your BM & SM are both so fortunate to have an 18-year old daughter/stepdaughter with such a good heart & so much sense.
Honestly, from what little you've mentioned about your SM, it sounds like she truly loves you & considers you to be one of her children. I really don't think she would feel you were disrupting her life or imposing on her family if you were to reach out for her.
Personally, I wish my SD would feel comfortable enough & love me enough to reach out to me & include me in her life the way you wish to do with your SM.
I'm so sorry about your mom. It is a blessing, though, to have a SM who obviously loves you dearly & is happy to be there when you need her.
I think you reach out to your
I think you reach out to your stepmom, and as someone suggested, try email.
It really seems as if she would welcome a relationship with you, so just go for it.
WITH BIG
WITH BIG TEARS....(((((((((((HUGS))))))))))
You remind me of my stepdaughter (she still is even though her dad and I got divorced). I feel about her like I do my own daughter. She actually treated me better than my own daughter sometimes. It sounds as though your stepmom would do anything for you....never be afraid to talk to her....she'll be there for you.
I can tell you without a
I can tell you without a doubt that I don;t see my step sons as interfering with my own kids. I this b/c they call me sometimes and ask me to do things for them, most recently I picked up a kitten for one of them, went an hour out of my way to do so but he didn't want her to get killed.
Hugs to you first for everything you are going through. And take your SM up on her offer. It sounds as though she knows what is going and understands her are going to NEED someone to lean on and she wants to connect with you before that happens.
I'm with the others too you are a great person and I hope everything works out for you and your family.
I want to thank you all so
I want to thank you all so much for your responses. It means a lot to me.
Your comments gave me the courage to ask my SM if she ever felt like I was "invading."
She laughed and told me I was crazy, and that I'm her third little girl (she has 2 daughters; 20 and 22). She said she knows she's busy but never too busy for me and she'd love for me to email her at work.
I feel so much better and i wouldn't have been able to ask her if it weren't for you. Thank you again!
Congratulations! What a
Congratulations! What a blessing to know that you do indeed have such a place in your stepmom's heart, & what a blessing for her to have a stepdaughter who is everything a stepmother dreams of.
Most step moms would love to
Most step moms would love to have a step daughter like you. On here we usually vent about our step kids being little brats or our DH not supporting us in dicipline. But When a step child truly loves her step mom and they love eachother and treat eachother with respect I dont think she would see it as interfering.
Your going through alot and I think your step mom feels honord that you confide in her and look up to her. Dont ever feel your in the way or out of place. You are your fathers daughter and your a part of that family too. We all send our love and big warm fuzzy hugs out to you. Stay strong and keep your chin up.
I second what purpleflower
I second what purpleflower said...I am so happy for you
I know this is a place for
I know this is a place for stepmoms to vent and chat, not for the stepkids. I just wanted to thank you all once more for allowing me to get feedback from you and for your kindness.
I have a stepson who in his
I have a stepson who in his 30's. He had stop talking to his dad for 3yrs before my husband passed away. Due to my stepson's wife and mom.
His dad and I married when he was 13yrs old. My stepson and I got along good until his mom's jealousy got in the way but even then we remained civil. He was respectful to me and liked my cooking :). He does not speak to me or his little sister (only sibling he has) since his fathers death. I am sure he has guilt and is in his own way mourning. May be difficult to see us as we were a big part of his life.
If he were to knock on my door or call I would accept him with open arms. I loved and treated him as my own. My house would always be opened to him because to me he is my son. Just my story. Call your step mom. We do not say I love you if we do not mean it.