You are here

When people you look up to divorce

Stepmom09's picture

Recently, a women I know from a church group who was a mentor for women with young children announced that she is getting a divorce. My heart goes out to her and I am shocked. They have been married 25 years. They have teenage kids. I am not sure what to say to her. I as well as other women have turned to her over the years for advice.

Part of me is still the child that had 0 friends from divorced parents till I was a teenager. Up until I was an adult I was very sheltered and believed that all divorced people had serious issues. I refused to date divorced men or any with kids I thought something was wrong with them. I have since learned a lot and grown up a lot.

I am the stepmom. We are the family that other people don't want to explain to there children.

Comments

Stepmom09's picture

I think you took things all wrong. I do not judge her at all. It is more of saying I still look up to you as a mother and that she is still just as wonderful now as she ever was.

Last In Line's picture

I'm sure that you don't know the reasons behind the divorce, and probably never will. You'd be surprised at some of the misery that can live behind the closed doors of home with some married couples who look "perfect" to the outside world. My friends/family were shocked when I told them my 21 year marriage was over, because they didn't know there were problems, but there were seriously bad problems under that happy exterior.

Since this is a church relationship, I think an appropriate thing to say to her is "I'm praying for you". Nothing else needed.

furkidsforme's picture

"I'm praying for you" *could* imply the intonation that the speaker thinks the recipient needs salvation, might be going to hell, or is sinning.

I would simply say "Alice, I'm so sorry and shocked to hear that. You have always been a great support system to me. If you ever need anything, I'm here for you."