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Period hygiene

RST's picture

I'm new here but would like some advice about a 14 (nearly 15) year old SD, I have no children of my own. I've been with my partner for 7 years and have always played an active role in SDs life, dealing with the normal ups & downs. When SD has her period I've always asked her to let me know about leaking into clothes so that I can rinse them instead of going into the wash bag to be found 2 days later. SD didn't like this so I showed her how to rinse them herself and put them in the washing machine for me, SD didn't like this either so told her BM. It then came back that what I'd asked her to do has reminded her BM of her terrible upbringing which I'm gutted about after all these years, I had a normal upbringing and did this. BM demanded she take her soiled underwear home which she now does but I have asked SD to tell me if other clothing/bedding is soiled so I can put it straight in the wash...SD doesn't feel she should have to do this either and has again reported back to BM. I've now had a conversation with BM about this issue and have been asked why I have such a problem with doing SD's washing - I don't have a problem, why I can't communicate with my SD - it's never been a problem and I feel I have communicated with her on this subject many times, and why I have mentioned it front of SD's Dad - this I have done as a last resort as she won't do as asked. A lot of things I just put down to being a teenager but this is really getting to me, I feel like when SD is asked to do something now she is getting into a pattern of telling her BM we're being mean to her. My OH agrees with me and has told his DDs BM that at nearly 15 she's old enough to learn these things. I'm uncomfortable around my SD in my own home as it all feels very manipulative, it is starting to effect my relationship with her. Any advice would be greatly appreciated, as I feel like I'm losing my sanity, dreading my SDs time of the month and feeling like the wicked stepmother.

fakemommy's picture

Easy. SD does her own laundry and things from Dad's house don't go to BM's. That way if all of her things are stained, you don't have to know and you don't have to look at them and SD doesn't have to go through the "trauma" of rinsing her bloody things.

futurobrillante99's picture

I would keep "period sheets" for her. Just put them on her bed every time she visits and she can enjoy the period stains. Put a pad under the mattress pad to protect the mattress.

Her filth, her problem.

Why the hell are these children so sensitive about bodily functions!? My 20 year old SS was peeing with the DOOR OPEN while I was in my bedroom with the door open. Rude. DH says I just should have called out "hey can you close the door?" Yeah, right. We've been down this road before. When I tell the skid to go back and wipe his pee off the toilet seat, you'd think I was talking about a taboo subject. And DH is all "you have to be careful how you say it." Really?

lintini's picture

Ooh she sounds like a perfect match for my SS16 who hasn't washed his sheets in over a year.

You need to step back and not be involved with this. She's 15 and can ruin her underwear if she wants to. Why on earth would you even consider rinsing it for her? Gross. Just show her where the bottle of oxyclean is and leave it at that.

futurobrillante99's picture

Rather, just give her a laundry bag and she can take her filthy underwear back to her mother's house.

twoviewpoints's picture

Perhaps Princess should just stay with BM during this 'delicate' monthly time for her?

Ugh. My suggestion is two buy the overnight pads (large and heavy duty) for sleeping with old fashioned granny panties. Yeah, she'll hate it but she's the one who doesn't like the idea of doing her own laundry. You can also run down to the medical supply store and grab a box of bed liners (the bed pads they place under patients in the hospital. Yeah, she'll really hate those. But you've been very understanding and reasonable about all this and she and BM her been spitting in your face over it.

Think of it this way, in bit a coupe years when SD is off to college no one is going to come get her laundry and dirty sheets and launder them for her. Best the girl learn now or at least make it so someone else doesn't have to do it for her.

Tomatoe's picture

It sounds like she is uncomfortable with you in this manner. Just give her a bottle of peroxide and tell her to clean her mess and put her clothes to be washed.

RST's picture

Hi All, thanks for your replies and advice. I agree SD is clearly uncomfortable with this subject with me, no good giving her the cleaner to do it herself as she's already told us she doesn't think she should have to do it. I also agree I should step back, such a shame as we've always got on so well. These days I feel like BM is happy to give me a verbal 'slap' but then equally happy to expect me to take care of the childcare when it suits, it can swing both ways from one day to the next. Can't win!

blayze's picture

Disgusting. Why would you wash another woman’s menstrual mess? And she has the nerve to complain? This is why step parenting is for the birds. I would tell that BM that she better not ever call me over BS like that again or she can keep her princess at home.

skatermom's picture

Give her a hamper for her room and leave it at that. Why are you even washing her clothes or sheets for her? let her father deal with this.

Cover1W's picture

I disengaged from my SD13's (almost 14) messes in her room/personal space just over a year ago. Completely.

I do not enter her room unless necessary. Which means maybe 1 or two times in six months.
I do not monitor her clothing, sheet or dish use.
If she wants to wear dirty, smelly clothing and sleep in disgusting sheets, and have moldy food remains/dishes in her room and DH doesn't care either (or BM for that matter) then it's on her. She knows how to use the washing machine and dryer. She knows how to change sheets.

I don't use their bathroom unless necessary. However, I HAD to recently due to a medical situation in which I had to use their shower. The room was disgusting. I hired a person to clean in once a month and it'll come out of DH's pocket, since he cannot seem to either get them to clean it, nor himself clean it once a month. If I'm scared to use a second bathroom in a home that I pay for, that's not acceptable. But I do not do any of the work myself.

Disengage. She doesn't care enough, neither does her father, so be it.

Acratopotes's picture

Disengage, let DH and BM deal with the periods then lol....

Stay out of SD's room in your house, if she can't clean her sheets, so be it, she sleeps there not you, if she does not treat the stains... pfft who cares, you wash it, and put it back in her room stains and all... You did what you could by teaching her how to keep clean, she's now typical 15 year old and you are invading her space...

I suggest you disengage immediately, you do nothing for her anymore and never buy her special things, those days are gone, if she needs something you smile and say Ask your Dad/Mother.... The only place you keep control over, the rest of the house, if she does not clean her mess, trash it all... never hide in your room when she's there, then you give her control, you take control she can hide in her room...

Never talk to DH about his daughter and things she did not do, if he talks about her, smile say mmmm aaaahhh oh dear, Well Hon you are her father you will know what to do, then change the topic...

RST's picture

Thanks for the further advice, I'm disengaging. Seems this is a very common problem from your replies - I've been so fed up but now feel relieved. I can see I've been 'engaged' in this for too many years, what a waste of my time & energy!