I have been living with my partner for over three years and his youngest daughter is 19. She made it clear from the start that she didn’t want her father to have a partner and over the years has said some awful things giving him “its her or me” ultimatums etc. She now doesn’t speak to me at all and hasn’t uttered a word to me since last Christmas. I have tried to simply say hello but she looks through me as if I don’t exist. She was living with her mum but decided to come and live with us a few months ago however she has now returned to her mums saying she felt lonely at our house because she couldn’t sit on her own with her dad watching TV. I don’t think at 19 she was genuinely lonely as she could spend time with friends but by saying she wants to spend time with him on her own she gets the attention she craves.
Unfortunately I feel I do not have the support of my partner with this problem. He has never told her she has to give me respect and allows her to get away with anything. She has never been disciplined for any bad behaviour and both parents treat her like a young child. I have tried on numerous occasions to talk to him about it saying how upsetting I find it but nothing seems to change. Its almost like he is scared of upsetting her so says nothing.
I feel the only way forward is for me to learn to blank her behaviour out until she hopefully grows up and matures. Whilst this isn’t ideal and means I will still feel uncomfortable in my own home I cannot see any alternative way of dealing with it.