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New here-I have a thief as a stepson

tiffe's picture

Submitted by tiffe on Thu, 10/01/2009 - 10:38pm

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Teenage Stepchildren

I am so glad I found a place to vent because not everyone knows how hard it is to be a stepparent sometimes. I have been with my husband since I was 15, his son was 5 at the time. Looking back now I was really too young for that responsibility. My stepson lives with us and his real mom doesn't really see him much. I've heard from others that the teenagers party with her, drinking and smoking but I have no proof. I have 3 girls now who are 8, 2, and 1. I found out today that my stepson has been stealing tools from my husband and jewelry from me. And worst of all he has emptied out all 3 of my daughter's piggy banks and has stole their baby bracelets and the one I had when I was a baby. These are items I can't get back since they are gold they've probably been scrapped and melted down. He's been getting his friends that are 18 to pawn the stuff for him. The sheriff said I have to press charges to get my stuff back. When I confronted his friends or his so-called friends, they told us everything he stole from us that they've pawned. They also told us about my girls' piggy banks. This is so hurtful to me. I told my husband I dont want his son in my house NOmore and that I am gonna press charges on him. He is 17 - he knows right from wrong and to steal from little girls is just wrong. We had also bought him a truck for Christmas last year. He failed driver's ed and the truck is just taking up space in the driveway except when he sits in it to listen to music and lets the battery go dead. After him stealing our stuff I told my husband he doesn't deserve the truck. I also told my husband if he lets his son come back and live in my house me and our 3 girls will leave. Granted that is his son and children are allowed to make mistakes. There's no excuse for stealing from your family. I'd rather be spit on than stole from. Am I wrong for not wanting him living here? Or by making my husband choose if I stay or his stealing,lying son stays. I want nothing more to do w/ this him. I'm so fed up and really needed to vent before trying to get some sleep tonight. Any suggestions or comments will be appreciated.

bonnie07's picture

Submitted by bonnie07 on Sat, 10/03/2009 - 10:15pm

This is what he wants, if you leave he wins. Anything of value should be put in a safe place for a while. You need to put camera's in your home and when he and his friends steal from you. You invite them around with their parents and show them a cope of the theft taking place. You then state that you want this to stop right now or you will go to the Police with the evidence and press charges and that you are doing this for their own good and they are leaving you with NO choice. You need to get tough and get the message across that the crap stops right now!! This is your home so start making your mark and stand firm. You will be amazed at the respect you will get from your husband and stepson after that when the stepson steps out of line. Just say to him clearly that he has two choices we can move forward make changes and live as a normal family or we can play hard ball again because he does not rule your home YOU DO so let him know that.

Sherland John's picture

Submitted by Sherland John on Sun, 10/04/2009 - 5:47am

I can't believe your husband is'nt supporting you on this!The most loving thing you can do for this boy is reporting him to the police...Or you can wait till be breaks into the wrong persons home and gets shot.

toriandred's picture

Submitted by toriandred on Sun, 10/04/2009 - 6:07am

I've never been in this type of situation, but yeah I would definitely get the cops involved. It could straighten him out. Like Sherland said, he could end up breaking into the wrong persons house and get shot. It's in his best interest to get the police involved now.

tiffe's picture

Submitted by tiffe on Sun, 10/04/2009 - 7:44pm

Thanks for all the comments and advice. Since my previous post I found out that he has stolen my husband's guns and my daughters ps2. His friends are saying anytime he gets a piece of money he's been snorting coke. My husband doesn't believe he is but all the signs are there. Now I'm faced with the decision to make about pressing charges as it will be a felony. My husband doesn't want to but he really needs help. He's staying with his grandmother until we can decide what to do but I can honestly say that I can't have him back in my home.
Tiff

melis070179's picture

Submitted by melis070179 on Sun, 10/04/2009 - 8:52pm

I would probably not press charges, but I would sell the truck. The money made from his truck can repay to your daughters what he has stolen from them. It is probably best if he stays at grandma's until he can redeem himself and grow up. I would also make him take one of those at home drug tests weekly, and tell him if he doesnt comply you will press charges. Good luck!

"I child proofed my whole house, but they STILL get in!"

Thetis's picture

Submitted by Thetis on Sat, 10/10/2009 - 12:31pm

Wow.. thats a tough one. Start taking his stuff... (hide it) and let him know how it feels. Sometimes kids/teens just don't understand why it is such a big deal. Kinda like you'll never know what its like to be in a car crash untill you're in one. Good luck!

"I am so glad I found a place to vent because not everyone knows how hard it is to be a stepparent sometimes"
From my experience... only grown skids and sparents can understand how tough it is. A bio mom will never know. A bio dad, probably wouldn't even try to imagine. lol