I'm the "reason" SD doesn't want to come over and her dad "never sees her"
Ok, so in an argument, DH let me know that the reaosn his teenage daughter doesnt want to come over is because she's "afraid of me" I mean it 100% when i say ive literally never done anything mean, disrespectful, or have treated her poorly in any way...yet she still acts like I'm awful. Here's the thing though...her mom (BM) is also in a relationship with a man she lives with and SD feels that his kids "hate her" and she will leave the house when they come over and go to her grandparents house. She also admittedly says she has no friends because everyone "hates" her. So i pointed this out to DH because well...seems to me that it's not just me she's afraid of and it's kind of a phenomenon going on with her where she doesnt like anyone. I will say it stung badly when DH told me im thw reason she doesnt come over and he barely gets to see her.
Thats a lot of responsibility to take on that "im the reason he doesnt get to see her as much as he'd like." Seems very messed up.
Oh please. He should be
Oh please. He should be defending you from that line of BS.
I thought so
thank you! i was thinking that
Sounds like she's "afraid" of
Sounds like she's "afraid" of everybody.
My SD28 has no personality and cannot carry on a conversation, so, of course, she is not "comfortable" in my home. It annoys her that I don't let her kids do whatever they want, like slobber all over my throw pillows. My DH certainly does not blame me.
Your husband should be able to see through his daughter's B.S. She is obviously not comfortable around many different people, so I'd say that is on her. You're a good scapegoat, but your husband should call her out.
not "comfortable"
they make it seem like we're so bad to be around. i'm so happy you get the support you need. im finding a lot of DHs that take their kids side
Tell DH to deal with his
Tell DH to deal with his mentally ill daughter (hates everyone? everyone hates her?) on his own and to leave you out of whatever bizarre equation he's working up.
Great avatar, by the way.
mentally ill
i agree. i think she has some serious insecurities that no one is helping her with. its sad. hahahaha avatar is fitting right? *biggrin*
When bioparents scapegoat you
When bioparents scapegoat you for their kids poor behavior, it is a Parenting Fail and a pathetic response. They never want to look at themselves. They can't see their kids poor behavior behind their little rosy glasses and that their enabling behavior is the cause.
bioparents scapegoat
i thought so! open yuour eyes and realize she's not a victim
Horsepuckey. This girl is 14,
Horsepuckey. This girl is 14, right? It's likely she doesn't want to come over because Daddeeeee's house is boring.
Visitation is not about YOU. It's about Daddeee and his 14yo whiner spending quality time together.
Bonus: You can make arrangements to go/do wherever/whatever you want during skid visits, ya big meanie!
I second this.
I second this.
I'm the reason? OK...I'll head out and do my own thing when princess comes over, then. Would hate to get in the way of your relationship!
I speak as one who has done this...gotten a hotel on visitation weekends. My DH never blamed me for his relationship or lack thereof with his kids...but he did schedule things without consulting me ALL THE TIME. I started leaving every time he failed to communicate with me about his kids coming over...and the behavior changed...
Yes. I was blamed too,
Yes. I was blamed too, indirectly. OSD told DH one time that 'it didn't feel like HIS house but Cover's house' and she didn't like that. DH was an idiot and tried telling me to not be so involved and let him make more decisions around the house. I knew it was because I didn't let HER make all the decisions and I had standards of cleanliness.
Once I stopped laughing I said, basically, NOPE.
hahhahaha
this made me laugh.. i needed it thank you
"If I am the reason you don't
"If I am the reason you don't get to see your daughter, then why do you keep me around? You allowing an 'outsider' to prevent you from doing your job as a parent says a lot more about you than it does me. So if I am that big of a hindrance, I expect you to leave. If I'm not, then I expect you to tell your daughter that she needs to deal with her own issues with you and not play them off on me. I'm either the evil stepmother or I'm not, and you are either a good father that vanquishes the evil stepmother or you're not a good father. Or, I'm not the problem but the scapegoat, and I'll accept your apology whenever you decide to give it to me."
(No subject)
says a lot more about you than it does me
this is 100% how I feel and I couldnt have said it better
My SD is like that. It fucked
My SD is like that. It fucked over our relationship for awhile and to this day I want nothing to do with her. I don't like her one bit
LOL thats the irony. im
LOL thats the irony. im supposed to go over to BM and SD's house for brunch tomorrow. Not doing it. Told DH he can go and spend quality time without me.
Where in this lifetime does your H think it would be great if you go over to BM and SD"s house for brunch??? The fact that he even fixed his mouth to utter those words are mind boggling....what type of f@ckery is this....No way in hell would I ever entertain that.
Also his daughter doesn't come because she chooses not to, if she was scared than she needs some therapy and talk it out with someone because it's utter nonsense.
DH is going to the ex's for brunch?
HELLS TO THE NO. What part of EX do these people not understand?
Yeah my ss who is 21.5 claims i am a stranger
That its uncomfortable for him to say a basic hello and acknowledge me and our 2 kids aged 2.5 and almost 4 (his half siblings), claims we are strangers, that he can’t acknowledge or mutter a basic hello to a woman stranger, that he is incapable of any affection to his half sibling when his dad asked he not ignore them and pretend we don’t exist.
he justified this by saying and acknowledging he does do it but that he is not at fault in any way - such fuckery to be honest!!
he comes home and says hello to the wall, never walks upto us and says a hello, his dad told him off that this isn’t hard which is met by silence from ss.
Ss doesn’t like being called out on his bad behaviour by anyone, especially me so he invents his imaginary stress syndrome so he gets out of having to behave respectfully, civilly, be decent to others and even do chores... he over exaggerates things but he sure is the first to over exaggerate me catching me or my kids out on stuff.
he loved telling hubby that the baby cries all the time which hubby knew was bs, he wanted to paint me as an incompetent mother. Which is all kinds of laughable considering the narcissistic crazy bitch he has as a mother or the fact she never wanted her kids, ever be pregnant with them, couldn’t be a wife a mum or do anything domesticated, just saw my hubby as an unlimited credit card
Your DH is going to play
Happy Family with his DD and Ex ? That would be a deal breaker for me. He divorced his EX , He doesn't get to play Happy Family . That total disrespect to you and your relationship. Time for him to pack his bags and go back to his Happy Family full time.
Maybe SD mental illness comes from your SO. Two peas in a family pot
Bullshit you are the reason
Bullshit you are the reason his daughter does not visit. She does not visit because she does not want to visit... and he does not have the balls to enforce his visitation.
Quit entertaining her bullshit "everybody hates me" crap and give he father clarity that the problem is two fold. The Skid is a manipulative little shit... and he has no balls.
My SD was diagnosed with
My SD was diagnosed with Borderline PD, this helped us realize that all the people who hated her was mainly because she a) couldn't get her way with them or b) didn't take her abuse. She is using you as a scapgoat right now. Your DH needs to see this that you are NOT the reason and maybe his daughter is the issue.