Breaking the Awkwardness
SD14 and I have always had this issue....we're great for days..friendly, happy, talkative etc...then out of nowhere I feel like she's very closed off. For a month we were great and very close to where she was texting me and asking me to go places with her... then just this past weekend she was short with me and very moody and not very approachable. Now, before you say she's being a teen...she was very approachable and nice to her dad all weekend so I know she wasnt just in a bad mood...
To be honest, Im tired of always having to be the one that starts the conversation or makes sure she knows "I like her." I get it, im 29 and the adult but at what point does she have to start learning to also be approachable as well? It cant always be me kissing her butt when she walks in the door right? That will just mold her to think all of her friends will approach her this way in life. Or is that just the way it is with teens because they are so insecure? To note...i dont "kiss her butt" but i do feel like I have to put a very energetic happy face on...even when im tired AF and have had a long day.
And we've had SO MANY talks about this with her...and yet...nothing changes. I still have to always be the first one to initiate.
Open to any and all feedback...maybe im being too picky. ive just NEVER had a relationship in my life where I have to constantly be the one that has to make sure the other person knows i like them.
Is this normal or is she wayyy sensitive? Do I just stop caring?
Unhealthy friendships
Also...as a sidenote...its not just me she has a weird relationship with. She has trouble keeping friends in school too. Basic "girl drama" where she will not be friends with them one week and then friends with them again the next.
This is indubitably her issue
This is indubitably her issue, don't take responsibility for it. Don't let it get to you. Why do you feel you have to put on an "energetic happy face"? this is your issue, and the one you should be looking into.
Disengage from her
If she doesn’t say hi. Don’t say it to her. If she wants to go somewhere, take the buss. She is showing you disrespect. It’s not moody, it’s disrespecting you. You can not allow yourself to be disrespect. Because it’s only going to worst if she gets away with it.
Good to know
Thank you and good to hear. ive always questioned if I'd be "immature" to do that but you're right. A relationship is two sided and she can do her part
I agree with others saying it
I agree with others saying it’s her problem.
My SD13 is moody with me more often than not, so I’ve taken to not initiating things either. She doesn’t say hello when I walk in? Ok, I won’t initiate. She won’t say good bye to me (but will to DH and DD3)? Ok, won’t initiate.
DH and I have talked about this too and the whole “I’m the adult” thing has come up. I posed the situation to him in that it’s not because I’m the adult, she needs to learn to treat people right. I’ve initiated things enough and get the cold shoulder that now the ball is in her court.
She was moody when she was younger too. DH figured out that she might be feeling guilty about enjoying her time with us and would lash out to sabotage it. Because once she was in her mood, that’s the only part BM would hear about. Not the good stuff that happened.
There seemed to be a revelation moment the last time I saw her (posted at the end of my last blog), so we’ll see what happens when I see her tomorrow.
I also had a friend in college that started to not like me. I mean, couldn’t stand to look at me! I couldn’t figure out what I did to her except that maybe we liked the same guy. She eventually sought some counseling as there were other things going on too. She realized with help of her counselor that it wasn’t anything I had done, it was solely on her. We’re now good.
So I don’t know what advice I really have, except that maybe it’s something going on with her.
Teenagers
Sounds like this is all typical teenage angst. so much fun *wacko*
Yes and yes
yes, it’s pretty normal and yes, stop caring. Lol. That’s the short answer.
I think when you stop putting tons of effort into being liked and accepted you will feel less stressed. She might also reach out to you more. Say hi like you would to anyone else and if she doesn’t respond just go back to what you were doing, even if it still stings (because it’s rude!)
Does your husband expect your SD to respond when a neighbor, aunt, uncle, teacher, or any other adult in her life says hello? Would he find it rude if she were to ignore that person? He should expect his daughter to treat you with the same respect as he expects her to treat other people. That might be a useful way to reframe it in your conversations with him. You aren’t furniture. You know?