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I can’t stand my step-son

Emily17648's picture

Submitted by Emily17648 on Thu, 01/02/2020 - 5:29pm

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Teenage Stepchildren

Me and my partner have been together 5 years, our relationship was great! We were both at our parents saving up to buy our first home. I have a 7 year old daughter and he has a 11 year old son. My daughter has always lived with me and his son lived with his mum. She's a bit of a wild one and decided that she couldn't have him full time anymore because he is too much hard work and she wanted to move into her new boyfriends house (along with her other 2 children with another baby daddy)

When I used to go to his in the evenings ect it was still amazing because his son had a separate room and on a whole wasn't that much of a problem. As he got older he became worse. Getting into trouble at school (we had to move him to a new school) being disrespectful to his grandparents (who's house they were living in) and just being a lazy rude boy.

We have now been in our 'dream home' for 6 months and everything is going completely down hill. Ny partner is aware that his son is a horrible rude attitude problemed kid but it's his son at the end of the day. My daughter isn't perfect but she is respectful, she has manners and she would never talk down to me (I am quite a strict parent) She gets herself ready in the morning, makes her bed, brushes her teeth and always wants to help me with cleaning ect. However his son does NOTHING. We are lucky to even get a morning from him. He is constantly miserable and rude to everyone. He seems to think he is this big tough man when I'm actually fact he's a silly little child. I struggle to say anything nice about him anymore because I have had enough. When me, my partner and my daughter are in the house everything is happy, the minute he gets home the whole atmosphere changes. Everyone is suddenly in a bad mood.

We have discussed with him about going back to love with his mum because he is making our lives a nightmare and he keeps saying he will change and he wants to be here with us. But his attitude and behaviour says otherwise. I also have concerns for my daughter picking up his bad traits and temper. 
 

I don't know what to do anymore. I am trying to disipline him and make him realise he is making our lives hell but he is continuing to do it. I love doing things with my daughter but I find myself trying to plan things when I know he's not with us so I don't have to spend time with him.

Emily17648's picture

Submitted by Emily17648 on Fri, 01/03/2020 - 2:49am

He goes to her house every other weekend, and occasionally once a week for dinner. But she is awful and I feel makes his behaviour worse as he has no respect for her and swears at her ect. She lets him get away with everything

SteppedOut's picture

Submitted by SteppedOut on Fri, 01/03/2020 - 5:42am

I get that you love your partner, but how fair is this to your daughter? "As soon as he is home everyone is in a bad mood." He lives there full time (with the exception of EOWE). So your daughter is going to grow up in a home that everyone is unhappy that much? And do you want to live in a home that everyone is unhappy in that much? Seriously?

The constant stress of that is going to start wearing on you (and your daughter). Long term stress does horrible things to your health, both mental and physical. 

You are willing to do that for the next decade? 

Is this kid in therapy? Does his father do anything about this attitude? 

Me? I won't live in a home that I constantly feel on edge in. EFF THAT.

Harry's picture

Submitted by Harry on Fri, 01/03/2020 - 11:50am

Unless your DH parent him. And makes him change.  When the kid does something wrong he should be punished. When he good he's awarded with something.   This can not be a one day or one week or one month thing.  It's going to be a life time of this.  

Harry's picture

Submitted by Harry on Fri, 01/03/2020 - 11:50am

Unless your DH parent him. And makes him change.  When the kid does something wrong he should be punished. When he good he's awarded with something.   This can not be a one day or one week or one month thing.  It's going to be a life time of this.  

asayna's picture

Submitted by asayna on Sat, 01/04/2020 - 9:17am

I have a 10yr old step daughter who I met when she was 4 and it made it easier to start dating my husband because she was so well behaved. Fast forward to the ages of about 7-9 I had the exact same feelings you do now. What is his mom really like?? BM in my situation is off her rocker to say the least, has taught SD no manners, social skills, constantly argues with everyone, and most importantly abandoned SD multiple times with SD not knowing when she would return..would just drop her off at school and tell us to go pick her up. SD became a whole different person around this time talking back, making me not want to be around her at all, wishing her mom would show, all the feelings youve expressed. You think your SS feels abandoned by his mom with all the sudden her not wanting him full time? We had to tell ourselves constantly that this is not SDs fault that a very large part was due to the actions of her mom affecting her in a way we werent prepared to deal with. 2 years of chaos with me wanting to run but we found creative ways to discipline and enforce what our expectations were of her and also to continuously show how much we support and love her and no matter what would always be there. After a long road were back to where we began with SD but very well know she acts opposite (rude, talking back etc) when shes with mom but she knows our boundaries. Hang in there. Your SS doesnt want to feel abadoned by both his mom and dad and you. Kids dont always know how to express their emotions.