How to deal with a disrespectful SD?
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Me and my partner of over 1 year (we are not living together yet), are sometimes faced with his daughter (14yo) being disrespectful to me,
She is a problematic child and likes to turn everything into arguments which she loves. She lives with him full time, along with his 17yo son (who has no issues with me at all).
She likes being in control and has no empathy for others.
When she is being disrespectful to me, is it better to ignore it and not raise an argument?
Or should her dad say something there and then whilst I am there (which would likely cause an argument) - or say something later when I am gone?
He is very on board and protective of me, and we would like to handle it the best way possible.
Is he capable of being the
Is he capable of being the adult in the house and laying down the law? If he can't demand they treat you with respect and politeness, then he's the problem. Don't move in until this is settled , hell, don't see him much until he fixes this. Either he parents her or not. Don't stick around for not.
There is no point in in
There is no point in in trying to redirect SD. She will just use it as fuel to argue further and gaslight you.
Most 14 year olds are high conflict, irrational people.
You also have the right to be respected. I would insist SO correct her behavior. But also when SD is being disrespectful to you. Simply tell her if she is going to speak to that way. You are not going to talk to her and walk away and ignore her. That takes her perceives power over you away and sets a limit.
So should she be corrected in
So should she be corrected in front of me or after I leave?
Immediately. He should call
Immediately. He should call her out and deal with her as soon as she misbehaves. Why would he hide the consequences?
He didn't want me to feel
He didn't want me to feel uncomfortable as SD would get argumentative. So he was just ignoring it when it happened and addressing it with her after.
If he sees the behavior he
If he sees the behavior he should stick up for you then and there.
He should say, " you may think you can talk to SP that way, but I will not tolerate you speaking to my wife that way."
That way he shows SD that he loves you and as your husband demands she respects you because you are his wife
Immediately.
Immediately.
He didn't want me to feel
He didn't want me to feel uncomfortable as SD would get argumentative. So he was just ignoring it when it happened and addressing it with her after.
And how is that working out?
Of course, he should address it and correct her when she does it. Otherwise, he is just letting her get away with it, even if he does bring it up later.
Avoiding it because she will become argumentative, is not acceptable, and he is giving her power by doing so. He also needs to shut her down when she wants to argue. He is the father, she is the child.
Also, you are an adult and do not have to let her be disrespectful to you and can call her out on it, yourself.
ok... we will try. She is so
ok... we will try. She is so argumentative.... it will be hard
Sorry, trying is not good
Sorry, trying is not good enough. There must be consequences for her behaviour. If things have reached this point it's because your bf wimps out every time she gets "argumentative". He needs to put his foot down - he's her parent and an adult, she doesn't get to rule the roost just because she thinks she does.
I
I
All teenagers are
All teenagers are argumentative. The way to deal with that is you say your peace explain what the consequences will be. As the adults, end the conversation immediately. She heard you, she knows what you said.
Walk away and if the behavior continues, immediately follow through with the consequence.
An example, we have 1 bathroom. For 6 people, OSD was told thier is a time limit. After 25 min she was given a reminder to get out of the shower. Instead of complying she started screaming at me. I walked my happy ass downstairs and turned the hot water off.
I am the boss of my home, I don't need to discuss my rules with a child. I don't need to argue anything. When she gets her own home she can make her own rules until then, too bad.
What makes you any different
What makes you any different from a teacher? Would he tolerate that? How about a grandparent? Would he tolerate that? I bet not so don't you think or let him think just because you are the girlfriend that that somehow excuses good manners from his kids. That's just BS of the worst kind.
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