First post. Teenage SS is a nightmare
Hi,
This is my first post so bare with me please 
I am 30 years old and been with my 10 years senior than me partner for just over 4 years. He has a son who was 13 when we met (almost 17 now) and I have a son of my own who is now 7.
Before I even met my now SS, trouble had started. I had been seeing my partner for around 3 months and one day we had met up he told me his son had went through all the text messages on his phone and found out we were dating. Furthermore, every time they were out together after that SS demanded that his dad give him his mobile phone to put in his pocket so dad couldn't speak to me when they were out together. And he agreed!! Straight away I knew this was never going to end well and I had my reservations about meeting him. Anyways...3-4 months later the dreaded day came and from the minute he walked into the house all he did was give me dirty looks and stare straight through me. In going out to the car I was told I had to sit in the back seat so SS did not feel like there was too much change happening too quickly and I instantly felt uncomfortable in the situation. We are 4 years on and things have just gone from bad to worse...and in 4 years, it's only been the last 5 or 6 months that my partner has started to see through him and realise just how much he has played him over the last few years. I have been swore at, had things thrown at me, i've had my now 7 year old hear absolutely horrendous arguments between them both where the language has been just disgusting...I am honestly traumatised with it all. He has been out of school over a year now, had no job and runs around all day with his mates. He gives his dad dogs abuse when he refuses to do what SS wants him to do and has dads parents wrapped round his little finger to make us look like the bad ones. I have put him out our house and he is living with gran on the mothers side. Mother is completely non existent and no help whatsoever.
Looking back now I feel that once I was introduced to SS at the beginning, we were forced to spend far too much time together and my bipolar brain just instantly looked at him like a big ball of germs because he was constantly there. As previously mentioned, bio mum spends no time with him whatsoever and he will do ANYTHING for attention from her. Anything we talk about in our house gets back to her, he has taken pictures of inside our house, went through our private things and taken pictures of them to take back to his mother. When he is in my house I actually feel as if the place is crawling...he literally makes my skin crawl. At the beginning I wanted to give our relationship time to blossom on it's own and get to know each other without stress or parental ties to much too soon. Because of work commitments and child commitments for myself, for a long time we maybe only saw each other twice, at the most 3 times per week for a couple of hours a time. My wee one was either asleep or a friend would mind him for a few hours but once introduced to SS he was there CONSTANTLY. He would scream at his dad while altogether at weekends "I want them to go home and I want it to be just us".
Has anyone else had these issues? Or can let me know that I am not completely mad? (Other than the bipolar). I have tried to read step parenting books, ask others for advice and all kinds of things but no one else I know is in a position anything remotely like mine so they don't understand.
Any help is appreciated.
Me.
I'm sorry you have to go thru
I'm sorry you have to go thru this but it did happen to me and I think it will happen again to other stepmom
My SD went thru every drawer in our office when she was 12 hoping she could find some of paperworks to show our income so BM could drag DH back to court for more money because her husband put her on beer budget instead of wine. SD excuse was she couldn't find her shoe...wtf.
May I suggest to tell your husband to spend his time with his son somewhere else...at grand's place instead of your house. You have little one and he doesn't need to be exposed to all the screaming and who knows what that creep will do next. He's 17 and can do lots more harm than you and your little one. Protect yourself and your love ones first. Don't force yourself into one way relationship...it will never work. Be there for him when he needs you but don't go out of your way.
Best of luck.
A.
You're not crazy but your
You're not crazy but your problem is your partner, not your SS. He hasn't enforced to his kid that this awful disrespectful behavior is unacceptable. He didn't stop the fighting and foul language and disrespect. He should have read the kid the riot act and doled out some serious consequences when the kid threw things at you - that's assault. He's not protecting you and by staying in the situation, you aren't protecting your child.
I'm just curious as to why if you knew there were going to be problems before you even met this kid, why on earth did you ever move in together? There's no way I would let my kids be exposed to such crappy behavior and allow them to see their mother being treated so disrespectfully. I would never want them to thinking I or they deserved such treatment or that it was ok to treat others that way. And that is what your child is being told by you tolerating it.
The problem isn't SS, it's
The problem isn't SS, it's SO. He has allowed his son to make the rules and he follows them.
At this point, 4 years in, why would SS expect anything to change?
IF you really love this man and want to stay with him, you need to make new rules. Write out specific rules, no SS in the house, when he's out with SS he keeps his phone and answers all your calls and texts (don't be a bitch, only call or text if you have to), no money to SS, etc. Whatever rules you feel you need to stay in this relationship, but be reasonable. And then enforce them. And then leave if he breaks them.
You are not telling him that he can't have a relationship with his son, he certainly can. He just has to do it outside of your home and without you.
You should not be living a life that makes your skin crawl. You have some medical issues of your own and you need to make yourself a top priority. If that means leaving then that's what you'll have to do.
Thanks everyone In the last
Thanks everyone
In the last few months or so things have got better. Partner knows now I won't allow him in the house and most importantly can see why. I've been saying for at least 6 months I want to clear out SS bedroom and make it into something different and he's always been against it but at the weekend there he agreed to it - progress! As far as the question goes why did I get with him if I knew there would be trouble? I ask myself that sometimes when things kick off but apart from nightmare SS we honestly have an amazing relationship. We barely argue, we laugh all the time have great fun, my little guy has chosen himself to call him dad and we generally have a brilliant time together. I really think we are at the end of the SS nightmare now as partner has lost all interest in him and his rubbish and lies he spouts. I am glad I found here as it's comforting to know I'm not the only person who's been through hell with their skids
it makes me feel a bit more normal.
Me x
Not many have experienced
Not many have experienced what you are experiencing. Because not many would tolerate such a useless POS SO, non partner, non man, non parent in their lives. The issue is not your SS, it is your ball-less useless POS BF. That you have not only tolerated this crap for 4 years but have actively engaged in a relationship with this jackass and willingly and for an extended period of time exposed your little guy to this idiot and his spawn is disgusting IMHO. :sick:
Do not expose your child to this idiot or his toxic spawn for one second longer. Call a locksmith, rekey the locks, and put this useless POS and the toxic crotch dribble he has created out on the curb. Do it now!
Take care of yourself and your child and never again allow this POS, his toxic spawn, or anyone remotely like them to enter the life of your child or your life for that matter.
Four years? :jawdrop: Really? :O
IMHO of course.
Good luck.