A little background: BM is very inconsiderate and inconsistent with visitation. She is working and has decided to go back to school through a certification program. it's not a good program...her choice except the hours are awful in that she has almost zero time for the girls. She is supposed to have them on Thursday for dinner..3.5 hrs, certain holidays, and every other weekend...she picked the schedule and dragged us to court to get it. She now misses visits on Thursday or has her BF pick up the girls and sees them on her school break for 30 min. Most weekends she keeps, but she has skipped holidays and doesn't try to make other arrangements to see them...i.e. we offer more time but she declines. There have been two instances where she forgot she had them for visitation. That's where the problems begin. This seeps over to SD14 and SD7. The SD7 handles it pretty well, but will display stress through being fussy or nightmares. The SD14 is another story. The past week she has been driving me crazy to the point where it is impacting my job. here's what has been happening:

Last Thursday: SD14 comes home and runs into the bathroom saying she has to pee. I am getting the little SD7 ready for bed and I hear SD14 yelling from the bathroom for me. She wants toilet paper. It's already in there but she refuses to put the new roll on and use it herself. She wants me to do it. I wait her out and 15 minutes later she does it.

Friday: SD14 leaves the house for her Mom's with an attitude that she does not want to take her Halloween costume to her Mom's for a party. I tell her that it's not up to her since her Mom asked for it. I tell BM that it is up to her and she takes it. Discover later that SD14 did not clean her bathroom nor bedroom as she was told to do.

Saturday:Her Dad texts her hi ect...later goodnight, but no response.

Sunday; Still no response from SD14, but we see activity on the account for her phone.

Monday:SD14 walks home from school with SD7 (within eye distance of the house) and texts Dad finally saying she forgot her keys. Dad is 2 hours away at a work meeting. I work 10 minutes away, so I race home to let them in. I give hugs and kisses but SD14 is distant. No thank you from her or apology. She just asked if her BM dropped her other bags off yet. I had to go back to work very hurt and fuming over her selfishness. Dad tells her via phone about her inconsideration. She just says "ok". That night we talk to her and she kept insisting it was "No big deal." "An accident." We also asked about the lack of text response. We said we respect her time with her Mom but she can answer even if she is mad. She refused to say anything was wrong and said when she is with her mom she doesn't feel she needs to text us. Rude. We tried and tried to talk to her, but she just gave an attitude. She eventually forced herself to say sorry and then ruined it by asking in a rude tone "Are we done now?" We set bedtime to 9pm for the whole week from her regular 10pm.

Tuesday: Bathroom is still not cleaned and I am fuming as I find SD14 playing foosball. I call her out and she says she did clean. I tell her she clearly did a half effort job since the trash was literally overflowing with nasty feminine wrappers ect. I also get on to her about having all the windows open as it is 50 degrees outside and the house is freezing. She pouts outside and I try to talk to her for an hour. She finally says she wants to live with her Mom as she never sees her. She refuses to see that her mom has a tight schedule and we give her all the time we can with her BM. She says how great this or that is over at BM's in terms of parties and social events. She refuses to acknowledge the house we provide in a great neighborhood with excellent schools. She tries to make herself out to be a martyr and states she stays for SD7. I call her out saying she is not the provider and that she is there 5 times a month with SD 7 for an hr alone..that's it! She then says that I am too much like a Mom" bc I cook, clean, take care of them, buy things ect. It's like I can't win at all at this point. She claims I make her Dad weak as I am part of the decisions made and that her Mom just used to do what her Dad said. I told her that I can't speak for that past, but every relationship is different and it's healthy to make united decisions. She doesn't like that I bring her family around and that I try to talk to her. It basically ended with her sounding like she was blindly wishing to be with her Mom with zero regard for how she is projecting herself onto others and was not open to hearing anything to the contrary of her own distorted views. She eventually takes out the trash and helps her Dad take out the rest of the house trash to the curb for morning pick-up.

Wednesday Morning: SD14 is not waking herself up anymore still despite being sent to bed at 9pm and I am running behind schedule. She wakes up with 40 minutes to get ready...still plenty of time. She comes down stairs ten minutes late with shorts on after I told her it was going to be cold and to wear Jeans. She also has this awful orange/red lipcolor on. I let both slide without a word bc I am tired of fighting and want her to get to school on time. On the way she complains about not doing her hair and being tired. I tell her bedtime is 9pm and no reading as she should be fully rested (she woke at 6:50am). She says nothing. We are waiting in the line of traffic in front of her school and she asks what time it is (mind you there is a clock right in front of her...helpless) I answer nicley and say it's 7:52am. She says "I gotta go!" Jumps out of the car and starts to take off with the car door still open. I yelled for her to shut the door which she does. I am once again fuming. I was not moving, but to do that was so rude. I get home to wait with SD7 before taking her to school and see SD14's door shut, which is against house rules. I open it and find the room a real mess with her bed unmade and clothes everywhere. I am really steamed and I stopped myself three times from sending her dad a rant as we will just fight about enforcement since he gets tired of trying and wants to ignore it.

Tonight I am planning to text her when she is home to clean her room, pick-up the clothes, and make her bed...her dad still wants to consider her request to have friends over...we will probably fight if i say no. I feel like I want to just give up on her and have her Dad do everything for SD14 or make arrangements for BM to do it. Any insight on this??? I am so frustrated and my job is to high stress to come home to this all the time. I just sat at work for an hour this morning trying not to lose it.