Thank you, agreed.  I wish he hadn't said to let him think about it.  I feel like that just validates her behavior.  But I am thankful he didn't say ok....baby steps....

Agreed, and I called it extortion last night.  He also agrees, but he just can't seem to shake his guilty fear.   There is no way we should be handing over cash bc a kid tells us to.   I told him if her mom needs more child support, that's a discussion for the adults, not the kid

She is now at her mom's by their design, and does not come here unless she wants to use our pool.  He does pay child support, their agreed upon amount plus I found out he pays her mom for her part of the cell phone bill

Oh my goodness, so frustrating to know that much money is going for something frivolous and not related to the kids.  You could probably use that cash for your family, right?

Agreed, that feels like all he is to her at the moment and if he keeps going along, it won't change.  It's not that we are not willing to give her money, we dont want to create a monster.  More of one. Lol

We shall see.  It seems every time he tries to teach her something, she turns raging and then shuts him out for a while, so he is a little leery of trying to teach.  I wish the teaching had happened a few years ago.  We didnt talk about it today so I dont know what he is thinking.    I am just hoping he holds the line on this one bc if he goes with it I am positive it won't stop here

Haha, I am sure popcorn and snacks were included, and sure she rounded up.  It has been a pattern for a long time, I remember a few years ago being so upset with her on vacation.  I had taken her and the boys to some shops and told them they each had $20 for a souvenir.  She didnt choose anything and when i asked her she said she didnt need anything.  Later when we were back with DH, she told him he needed to give her $20 since she didn't buy a souvenir.  I think my head spun around....I was trying to do something nice and she turned it into entitlement.  He didnt give it to her, I was proud of him.  Although he probably snuck it to her later : /

Amen brother.   DH hasn't agreed (yet) but he is messed up enough to entertain it. The guilt is real.  I do not get it.  But I have never had to share my child with someone else, so maybe it really is a whole new dynamic, I don't know.  I would love if he would tell her it is not her business what we do with our resources, even less so now that she has decided not to be here

Me too, I have been trying to help him see that it's not a parent's job to reward bad behavior just to make sure their kid is happy at all times.  I feel like that is so damaging in the long run.  He gets it, but easier said than done for him.  Especially when faced with losing his daughter

Meant to say pay his EX wife in there, yikes.  Love typing on a phone!

You make some really good points here!

I really like this, it sums it up and explains things well.  It's hard to find the words through the emotions. And the thing is, we have still been trying to include her in the family unit, she is welcome to participate with us.  She just doesn't care, she has set herself apart for a long time. 

Haha my thoughts exactly, I was having trouble comprehending what he was telling me.   My parents were divorced and I only saw my dad about one weekend a month.  It never, ever crossed my mind that he should pay me because I was mostly not there eating his food and using his stuff.  I was just happy when I got to see him

Oh my gosh, well I am glad we aren't the only ones it is happening with.  I am glad to know that once your DH processed, he stayed strong.  I am hopeful for mine.  I am sorry you are going through similar, it really sucks, to be frank

Yes to all of this.  He said that he is feeling bad about the way he has handled some things, and worries about me judging him.  I have tried to explain that I am not judging by having an opinion, I just want to try to change some of the patterns because things obviously aren't working the way they have been going

Ugh, hate to hear that the No's don't stop the asking, but I am not surprised.   I really wonder if these SDs who behave this way treat others in their life like this, or if it's mostly dad who gets the brundt.  Makes me so upset to see it happening when dad has been there and trying to do his best for them

You are totally correct, and I thought $40 was a weird amount to ask for.  It feels like a test, low enough where he might say yes but not really high enough to make much difference?  Is she looking at it as if he is paying her it is a sign that he cares, because she equates caring to stuff?  I am overanalyzing.  But it is strange.  I did receive a lot of help over the years from my parents, I never asked for it, they just did it.   It was a blessing I had planned to pay forward to my own kids, not because its expected but because I want to.  It makes me not want to when it is being demanded.  And that stinks. 

I am going to try to leave this for his decision to make, but it will impact my respect for him if he decides to pay her. And it will impact our marriage if he decides to pay her and hides it from me.  I am praying he does not do the second one

I am not sure if it would make it easier for him, ii don't know if he is motivated to consider it bc he thinks he should be paying more child support, which if that were the case, why did they agree to this amount, or if he is afraid of making her angry again.  I did look up a chart earlier, I am not sure of BMs income, but based on my guess, the amount he pays is probably about half of what a court would order in a BM custody situation.  He does also cover medical, school, and sport expenses, and until she started being a jerk, he paid for a lot of other miscellaneous things.  I assume that is what she is missing.  I am interested to see if BM ends up chiming in