Need advise on how to deal with spouse & Step son
Help! Ok so I'm going to try to be as clear as possible while my emotions are running high.....all advise needed.
been married for 6 years now, my husband has a son who always lived with his bio mum and we had fortnightly contact for the weekend (Easter and Christians holidays shared) this was up until around 3 years ago.
the step son then came to live with us permanently and had no contact with bio mum as she refused (long story around that but I dealt with the entire back and forth to court (I was acting solicitor...aarrgghh
any way fast forward to last couple of years, I had to learn to be a parent (I was told step son was treated awfully by bio mum (she admitted this) but then were told and made aware it was a lie and step son was in on it so we take full responsibility of him.
i automatically took on the responsibility of caring, disciplining, cooking, cleaning, teaching, the step son. My husband left it all to me, stupidly I thought that was the right thing to do and now I'm expected to absolutely everything in the house and become domesticated as well as having a demanding full time job!! After work I rush home to cook for them, I find old gone off sandwiches under step sons bed, he lies a lot over the littlest thing, I try and teach him and talk him through do's and donts. When my husband and I are talking or storing together the step son is constantly in between us and involved in every conversation we have.
My husband always says I treat him differently to how u treat my me niece and nephews. (I can't do more than I already do)
atep son has been the cause of 90% of arguments, when I've caught him misbehaving or with a BB gun!!!! He lies in front of my face and my husband thinks I'm picking on him, yesterday was the icing on the cake, my husband came home from shopping and I had cleaned spring cleaned the kitchen to which my husband said. I'm not TGT oblybone that cleans and what ever me and his son do is never good enough and I treat him like his mum did, I'm not nice to him and he and son can never be right (poor boy) all this was in front of him.
after this step son didn't speak to me.
im not even covering some of the things my husband and step son do and say because I'm so overwhelmed
Stop cleaning, stop cooking
Stop cleaning, stop cooking for them, do not do their laundry, in fact, stop doing anything that doesn't directly benefit you. Both you and your husband work, there are three of you living there, there is no reason that you should be carrying all the work and responsibilities. So back from it all for a while.
Being a woman does not make you an unpaid slave.
You are right
Thank you, I just like a really clean house and if I don't do it I'll never get done. Btw my FIL lives with us too, he insults me at every opportunity he can (sexist to the core)
How DARE he? I sincerely hope
How DARE he? I sincerely hope your DuH stands up for you.
How long have you been living in this den of misogynistic boors?
I'm sorry, but ALL THIS is
I'm sorry, but ALL THIS is just not fixable.
You are being mentally abused on a daily basis. It has worn you to the point you do not even recognize it.
Start making an exit plan and leave this house full of assholes that treat you as a slave.
Couldn't agree more
Couldn't agree more
Time to stop doing for them
Time to stop doing for them that means anything. Don't be the solicitor, don't cook, don't clean, don't pay the bills. Nothing. Let the three assholes suffer together in their multigenerational genetic cesspool.
When shit piles up in the home, bag it and drag it to the curb. Do not tolerate slovenly crap from any of them. They clean or they do without.
No more being the chore bitch/beck and call girl for this asshole and his failed family breeding experiment.
You must value yourself before anyone else will value you. As for DH and his shallow and polluted gene stream (both upstream and down stream), there is no value in that putrid shallow slime pond.
Go live a good life with all of them in your past. Living well is the best revenge. Go get your revenge. When someone updates you on them, grin a big smarmy grin and comment "They are genetically predisposed to shit lives, I hope they are enjoying that experience.".
Then get on with living well.
Assholes like these three just piss me off.
Take care of you.
All IMHO of course.
DISENGAGE.
DISENGAGE.
Just stop. Stop cooking, stop cleaning, stop disciplining. Tell your husband it is his turn to step up since you are apparently all wrong. Don't shop, don't do a single thing more than your husband has been doing all this time (which sounds like nothing but criticizing you).
You can't care more than the bio parents do and if the bio parents are ok with his behavior then you have to let it go. Now, personally I couldn't live in a house like that- I work too damn hard to have a gross home with people that show me no decency- so this may be a point where you seperate. I am not saying divorce but a short term rental to let him get the full realitiy of doing it on his own may be in order.