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Chrissboy789's picture

Submitted by Chrissboy789 on Mon, 10/14/2013 - 9:38am

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Step/Bio Father's Den

I am a 28 yr old single guy. I have just come out of a long term relationship with my girlfriend n we were together for 9 years. She had a 6 year old son when we got together n I fell in love with him n raised his as my own. Now he's 15 n me n his mum split up a few months ago. I have no legal right over him. He refuses to see me n says he hates me n never loved me but we were very close. He never actually spoke to me but his mum said he too scared to tell me so she telling me. How do I deal with the feelings. To be honest I'm more heart broken n sad about loosing my boy than my ex as we had ran our course n fell out of love.

bellladonna's picture

Submitted by bellladonna on Mon, 10/14/2013 - 10:03am

You sound heartbroken. Your SS may be grieving the loss of the relationship too, and doesn't know how to handle it. Send him an email/text/FB message and let him know that you love him and you will always be there for him. Hopefully, he will come around.

Patsy's picture

Submitted by Patsy on Mon, 10/14/2013 - 12:37pm

You deal with these feelings by knowing you have done good by this boy. You have impacted his life. Lets say he never comes around because that is your worst fear you will go on knowing he will remember the things you have taught him. You are burned into his life forever and your ex can not take that away. Your EX is trying to control you any way she can. She is taking advantage of your good nature. DON'T LET HER! As bella suggests call him, text him, find anyway to make contact with him to let him know you are there if he wants to see you. How about showing up at your ex's house when you know he will be there. Ask about your SS. You may get lucky and he will know you were there to see him. As soon as you leave send a message to SS - I came by the house to see you but your mom said you don't want to see me now - just know that I love you. This way if it is your SS who does not want to see you you have opened the door for communication. On the chance it is his mother that is trying to block you he will know that too. I'm curious as to how your X treated the son's biological father.

Rags's picture

Submitted by Rags on Mon, 10/14/2013 - 4:00pm

This is a tough one. I met my DW when SS-21 was 15mos old and we married two weeks before he turned 2yo. I have raised him as my own.

If something were to happen between his mom and I at this point I do not think it would end our relationship. I am his dad. He knows it.

I would try to get in touch with him directly if I were you. Your relationship with him can be independent of the state of the relationship with his mom.

Good luck.