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Help on addressing visitation with ss who has autism

unsure about step parenting's picture

I have decided that I honestly can't have my stepson for extended periods of time, i.e. summer vacation, Christmas vacation while his father works 9-10 hours a day. Ss has "high functioning" autism according to his mother but is pretty much nonverbal or when he does "talk" I understand nothing as it sounds like gibberish to me. I need to tell my bf, future husband this but in a way he won't see it as I'm being mean. I honestly just can't put up with ss behaviors, being loud all the time and always saying no and being rude. Please help me find a way to address this issue. His son stresses me out, causes me to be upset and in turn I don't feel like I'm being the best mother to our 5 month old daughter. Please help advise.

Harry's picture

Don't be sucked into it !!!!! If SO what's his son to visit than he has to be off and take care of him the majority, vast majority of the time. Like off from work, not leave for 14 out if 24 hours and think he is do visitation

Aniki's picture

If you were not there, where would SS go?? SS is in your home to see his father, NOT his stepmother. If your DH cannot be there to spend time with SS, SS should not be there. Unless it's for short periods of time until your DH arrives home AND you are okay with that.

ESMOD's picture

I can see a dynamic where if the OP is a SAHM to her child that it might be expected that she would care for his other child as well when he is at work. That being said, if someone is not equipped to handle a child with special needs, perhaps the child would benefit from being in some monitored or theraputic daycare so that he could be improving his functioning?

It is more difficult with the time/money balance issues surrounding SAHM.. they aren't earning the money and theoretically have the "time". Unfortunately, if you don't have the skills or inclination to care for a special needs child, it isn't a good situation and should be addressed.

MoominMama's picture

Don't get talked into caring for his autistic son. You don't say how old he is but I can tell you that their behaviours can get worse and worse, leading to some very odd things especially in puberty etc. I now refuse to be alone with SS17. Be careful with him being around your very young baby. Whilst I know that many people on the AS spectrum can be just fine, a lot have anger issues and other behaviour problems that could be something you don't want around your child.

You are not the parent of this child, they are. It is up to them to find a solution for his care. If you want to chat more feel free to PM me.

KH4573's picture

I feel your pain. I absolutely dread the weekends with my SD who I feel is on the autism spectrum. It's super frustrating to be in her presence. When do the kids STOP coming to visit???? What age??? UGH