Here we go! Again...
Several months ago I posted about SD and her pregnancy. One of the issues at the time was that she had posted news of the pregnancy on Facebook but never told her dad (my SO). Her dad is not on Facebook and she knows it. We live many states away so it isn't like they run into each other, either.
However, when the pregnancy was lost and after she had returned home from the emergency surgery - only then she called him to tell him everything that had happened. He was hit with a triple whammy - she had been pregnant, had lost it, and had been rushed into serious emergency surgery which no one called to tell him about, including SIL.
Fast forward to now and a successful in vitro -- SD is several months pregnant again. Thankfully, all looks good thus far so fingers crossed she has no complications going forward.
But she pulled the same stuff this time as last time. Found out today she posted the news on FB again and some younger members of my SO's extended family saw the post. They told my SO they were really in a fix because they know how SD is about not contacting him - and didn't know if they should say anything to my SO or not. People should not be put into those kinds of uncomfortable situations because SD is too inconsiderate and immature to tell her father directly.
Coincidentally, my SO had reached out to SD about the same time as her post (she didn't call him) and during that conversation she told him she was pregnant.
Of course, my SO was happy to hear the news and I am seeing signs that he is being hopeful about his future as a grandfather - as he should be.
I, however, am going through yet another phase of stepparenthood which is going to be challenging. Although I am primarily disengaged from SD and don't have any contact with her, I must confess I worry about the future.
What if parenthood really does change her - and she begins to show more respect, care and concern for her father? What if she actively seeks him to be involved in her child's life and encourages more communication and contact - strengthening the relationships? While that is a good thing for my SO, SD, the SIL, and the baby-to-be, I know it brings problems. Throw BM and her NEW hubby into the mix (who SD/SIL are actively involved with) added with the reality that SD has never wanted to have any kind of relationship with me, and it results in an equation where I don't fit.
This is yet another stage that stepparents have to think about. After 15 years of not being accepted, and coming to peace with disengaging which brought relative calm, this life may get complicated once again. As my SO finds his role as a grandparent it is certain that will come with challenges about visiting, holidays, etc. which will impact me.
In the meantime, I have to put on a smile and support the happy emotions my SO feels. All the while, I just feel dread inside.
Sometimes I think walking away would be easier.