When to cut the apron strings...
DD is 18. She is going to cosmotology school she has a part time job. She helps around the house a little. Her car broke down because she failed to add oil to it and it was junked. Now I give her rides in the mornings to school. DH usually picks her up on his way home. He has since quit for lack of gratitude from her. her grandparents quit giving her rides for lack of gratitude. She thinks since we are family we are suppose to drop everything and cater to her. Her grandparents have told her everything needs to be earned she says that's bullcrap they are family. Recently she has been disrespectful to DH and DH to her and they are not getting along. I'm thinking I should get them to coexist and require her to pay rent after she's finished with school (5monthes) and able to get a full time job. I still pay her cell phone, insurance etc. Should all this be cut off when she's able to get full time work?
Yes. And, if she thinks
Yes. And, if she thinks people should do for her because they are "family" then what does she bring to the table? She's family. What does she offer up because she should? This is the entitlement generation. I've had to break a few of my kids from this revolutionary idea of, "the world owes me".
Tough love hurts now, but she will thank you one day. The trick, I have found, to tough love, is to say no with kindness. "I love you, but I can't do that. I feel like I'm teaching you to be selfish and ungiving and spoiled. The real world doesn't work this way, so no."
NEVER EVER EVER APOLOGIZE FOR SAYING NO.
Try hard not to sound too squishy or you will be very condescending and rightfully piss her off. She's learned some bad personality traits, she's young, she can unlearn them.
Duct_tape, this is some of
Duct_tape, this is some of the best tough-love verbiage I've seen!
I have explained and it goes
I have explained and it goes in one ear out the other. She lived with her grandparents for a few months due to her being disrespectful we had a knock-down drag out fight in the front yard. Not the best way to teach your kids but she said something WAY out of line and I smacked her face and it escalated from there the police suggested we separate. Now her grandparents have thrown her out and she's back with me. She was doing good but back to her old ways of disrespect and entitlement.
(No subject)
:jawdrop: :jawdrop: :jawdrop:
The bus?? My son got tickets
The bus??
My son got tickets driving, so I yanked his license and sold his car. He is in high school, 17, and attends college four days a week.
He takes the bus. On occasion, I will drive him if I'm already headed that way. He has a monthly bus pass. It works wonders.
Do you have public transportation?
Honestly she should have at
Honestly she should have at least a part time job if by school you mean college. If high school the day she graduates she has to have one in MHO. Also no rides from anyone. Sorry but if she is being disrespectful and ungrateful the rug needs to be pulled. She should have rules and responsibilities, she is 18 yes however she lives under your roof. Get tough and get mean, she is an adult and needs to act like it.
She's going to costmetology
She's going to costmetology school.
sorry I missed that part,
sorry I missed that part, Honestly she should get a job now. At last $200 a month in rent. I was paying my parents $400 a month not including food, and they DID NOT pay insurance, cell phone or give me rides. I was 20 an had just gotten out of the Air Force because of injuries sustained during deployment. I was an adult and I was required to act like an adult. (and I want to add that my parents and I have an amazing relationship and we are very close)
You really make it seem so
You really make it seem so easy with your presentation but I find this topic to be really something which I think I would never understand.
cheap granite worktops
accent reduction therapy
I'm with Ommy - Make her pay
I'm with Ommy - Make her pay her own bills and rent. If you want to "help out" set the rent lower than market rate.
My parents coddled me like you are doing with your DD. This was pre-cell phone days, so they didn't pay for THAT, but everything else, spot on. I was a useless spoiled brat for way too long - until I got sick of myself and joined the military.
We're going to encourage SD16 to come live with us/go to college after high school. She will be charged rent. What she doesn't know is that the rent money will be saved and presented as a gift to be used for a decent car/apartment down payment/work wardrobe/loan repayment upon graduation.