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Step Daughter is mean and ruining my life

Kellyz74's picture

I don't know where to begin.  I got married about a year and a half ago.  I have 6 children from my previous marriage.  My husband has a grown son and an 11 year old evil daughter. 

My 6 children are easy compared to her.  She steals,  is violent,  drinks,  is destructive.  Just last week she did $800 in damage,  stole $250 and stole from 2 different stores.  The police have been involved many times.  This is her 3rd school that she's been in trouble at.  She's promiscuous.  She calls me a fucking bitch if I tell her to do anything.  The other 6 kids pretty much do everything around the house while she bullies them.  

This isn't a transitional thing.  This girl was getting drunk at 9 years old.  She'd been banned from stores for stealing.  There's such a long list... she's so mean. Im pregnant with twin boys and many times she's told me she hopes they die.  She's bullied my little girl to  the point that she was terrified to come home from school.  Her teacher said she was crying getting on the bus saying her sister threatened her and her dog.  She was in trouble before I knew her,  but her dad was in denial.  Her bio mom hasn't been in the picture for years.  She's a druggie prostitute that spends a lot of time in jail.  Her dad removed her from that environment,  but im convinced it's genetic.  This girl is a pathological liar.  She destroys things around the house every day.  

I love my husband.  He's an amazing dad to  my children.  They didn't have a father around until he came into our life.  I just don't know how much more I can handle.  I went into preterm labor,  we called 911, and she laughed and said she hoped the babies died.  I swear,  she is evil.  She's mean to her teachers.  Every week she gets write ups.  

Im so sad that i may have to leave this great man because his daughter is crazy.  He tries taking to her,  but  she laughs behind his back.  She's the meanest person I've ever met.

SteppedOut's picture

Your husband "talks to her", about bullying, stealing, DRINKING AND PROMISCUITY (at age 11???). 

I really don't mean to come off as harsh, but exactly how are you looking at him as a good father? How on earth has his daughter gotten this bad? Where is she getting alcohol? Where is she having sex regularly? Why is she allowed in stores without supervision? 

YIKES. 

How are the courts and DFACS not involved yet? 

Why in the heck are you subjecting your 6 children to this (with more on the way)? 

Rags's picture

Your 6 are going to have to take out his daughter when she pulls her shit.  Kids/Peers are very effective at dealing with their peers who rock the boat. Release the hounds and let them put this POS kid in her place at the bottom of the pecking order. Since daddy and you will not force this kid to comply, your kids will have to do it.

Your twins are going to be ripe targets for her crap and will need their older sibs to protect them from this toxic kid.

Dad is going to have to gain clarity in a hurry in order to be able to protect the babies from his toxic spawn.

As the mom of 8 you are going to have to protect them all from your DH's prior relationshop toxic breeding experiment.  Since he wont parent and control this toxic 11yo.

Good luck.

skatermom's picture

I agree. Unleash the other 6 kids on her.  We have 5 girls 12-18 in our house, they keep each other in line.  Noone can get away with anything, Because they will be called out and tattled on if they do.

Aniki-Moderator's picture

Your husband is NOT amazing. HE has failed abysmally in parenting his 11yo child. 

SIX children and two on the way? EIGHT take precedence over one. Seriously. 

Kes's picture

I have to say, I am not convinced that your DH is an amazing father to anyone, least of all his daughter who at 11, is still very much a child and needs serious professional help if she is not to end up dead in a few years.  I am not sure that calling an 11 yr old child "the meanest person you ever met" is an entirely rational thing to do.  She is being abused - sexual activity in a child of this age is illegal and with good cause.  She is not "promiscuous" she is being abused.  And from what I can tell, your ineffectual DH is doing nothing about it. 

fourbrats's picture

when she was getting drunk at NINE! We are not prudes by any means but the kids didn't have access to alcohol at nine, they weren't unsupervised at nine so stealing wouldn't have been an option. Heck, they were rarely unsupervised at 11. Who was supervising her while she was stealing, getting drunk, being destructive and engaging in sexual activity at 11? 

It's not genetic. She is a product of her parenting....YOUR HUSBAND. 

Is she getting counseling, medical care, psychiatric care? Services at school? I see a list of calls to the police and talks with dad but nothing about the services is obviously needs.....

Kes's picture

Quite!  11 yr olds should have very limited time unsupervised - maybe they are allowed to go to the local shops with a friend - IF you know where they are and what time they will be home.  How in heaven's name is this 11 yr old girl getting out to be "promiscuous" and doing all the other undesirable things she does? 

tog redux's picture

And adding to what everyone else said - is she at least in therapy? She's a traumatized kid, not a monster. And your DH does nothing. 

lieutenant_dad's picture

So she was getting drunk at 9 and, what, Dad didn't think to have ZERO liquor in his house?

How is she stealing so much at 11? I don't even remember getting to shop by myself at 11, so I'm not sure how an 11 year old steals that much???

Of course he's an amazing father to your kids, because he's lazy and your kids don't need help with anything! You do it all so he just gets to sit back and relax with them. That's not a gold star by any means.

You do realize that ALL the kids are in danger of being taken by DCS, right? A parent so incompetent as to allow their 11 YEAR OLD to do these things shouldn't have custody. 

I'd tell him to leave and he and his daughter can live elsewhere. Why on earth are you subjecting your kids to this?!?!

Left out mama's picture

She is not evil. She is a child who has never been given boundries or any structure. And very clearly no supervision. She is also being sexually abused and you are blaming her! She is 11... not old enough for consent. Who exactly is she being "permiscous" with? Her peers? Online? With older kids? If so how and where is this being allowed to happen!? as far as drinking.... let's be real here! She's not going to a bar with a fake ID... she's getting it at home where you and her father supply it to her. I don't care if you told her she's not allowed to touch it. Your leaving it where she has access. I feel so bad for this CHILD...

the lack of supervision, support, clearly needed therapy and blaming her for all of it. Wow... this poor kid doesn't stand a chance.

you say she is ruining your life... what about her life that is essentially already been destroyed! 

Phoebe333's picture

does not sound like a healthy environment for any of the kids. She has to share her dad with 9 other kids now. That alone could be the problem. Those of you with lots of children ..what do u think?  

Promiscuous at 11...someone should arrested. She needs help.