SS9 disability?????????? Anyone with experience???
This is a long one, please bear with me! My SS9 needs it!!!
DH and I fear that something is very wrong with my SS9. Here are the facts:
BM has him on meds for ADHD (catchall behavioral problem disorder lol) and he has shown no change.
He is always in his own world.
When asking questions, I have to continually tell him to look at me when I'm talking to him.
He has a speech disorder (says r like w) and sounds just like he always has despite speech class at school. Half the time we have no idea what he says.
Weighs only 7 pounds more than our own BS5 (who is normal for his age & weighs 50lbs).
Frustrated very easily.
Terrible handwriting and spelling.
Doesn't care about learning.
Says really inappropriate things.
Has bathroom accidents.
Mean to our cat.
SS9 only thinks about himself. I understand all children are like this but at 9 he should know to take other people's feelings into consideration. He lies a lot, which I know all kids do but he lies about a lot of things that are just silly to lie about.
While he was here, he peed his pants, and we didn't even know for hours. They jumped on the trampoline at the neighbor's house then went a couple houses down to play at another neighbor's house. Well that neighbor invited us to go swimming so I walked down with the boys' swimming trunks and they changed there. They gave me their clothes, I put them in my bag, and smelled pee. I took SS9 to the side & asked "did you pee your pants?" His response: I don't know. Really?!?!? I informed him his pants smelled like pee so he said "well I guess maybe I did a little" so I asked when it happened. He "didn't know" so I asked him to look at me (actually had to do this repeatedly throughout the conversation, he constantly looks around & loses track) and think about it and I will wait for him to tell me. Turns out it happened a couple hours earlier on the trampoline. OK, so it was like pulling teeth to get him to admit to something that was clear as day, and why didn't he say something? You'd think it would be uncomfortable to be in peed pants and at the very least you'd want to change.
He also spilled a glass of water in the neighbor's house, which I only found out because my BS5 let it slip (he didn't realize he was tattling lol). The neighbor kid said it was ok, but its not ok when you're a guest in someone's house!!!!
He is going into 4th grade but seems to be the level of the kindergarteners that were in my BSs class. Now my BS5 is exceptionally smart (4th grade reading level, 2nd grade math level) so I don't really know where SS9 SHOULD be as far as academics is concerned.
I love this boy and hate to see that he will be behind in life, as he already is. There is obviously something wrong, we just don't know what. I think he needs to be tested for dyslexia. BM said he was diagnosed as depressed, but she didn't believe it. Little does she know, those questionnaires are thoroughly researched and tested for reliability and validity. I have a BA in Psychology so it was amusing to hear her interpretation of a psychological exam! But he never seems to be having fun though and his self esteem is low. My heart is breaking for him because he has a mother who believes in just letting them be how they are rather than trying to improve their quality of life.
Anyone out there have any experience/opinions???
Thanks in advance, if you actually read all of that!!
Thanks for the reply I think
Thanks for the reply
I think the adhd is correctly diagnosed, but wrongly treated. BM controls everything so unfortunately no, no other assessments have been done. Now I could get legitimate, researched information and pass it along to BM, but she would put it in the trash. He does see a counselor/therapist/whatever (we're not sure nor can we locate the person) but he goes like once every 6 weeks which is a "start" but has been going on for quite some time. We are not sure where we would begin to get the assessment he so desperately needs.
Sounds like you may know a bit about this... do you think DH and I could contact SS9's school to arrange a meeting to discuss this??? BM keeps us out of EVERYTHING.
You need to have this kid
You need to have this kid evaluated. Many kids on the autism spectrum do these things as well and in addition, many are also diagnosed with ADD or ADHD. There is something missing here and you are right to be concerned. I would contact the school and request an assessment. If they won't do it, then check online for autism symptoms, etc. I have a feeling you will find some in there.
"There is something missing
"There is something missing here" is a good way to describe my SS9. Thanks for the info, I will check it out and work on getting him as assessment. Thanks for the reply!
DH does not have joint
DH does not have joint custody. We see these boys about 3 or 4 times a year for 2-7 days each visit. I would love to have a meeting with any of the staff at his school, BM would FLIP though, if we got in HER business like that. DH does not have the name of the professional SS9 is seeing because every time we ask, BM says he is seeing "Valerie". Neither of my SSs know her last name and they both see her and after an exhausting internet search I can't find a single mental health professional in their area with the first name Valerie. Oh, and SS9s adhd medication came to our house in a sample bottle with the medication info but not the doctor info. BM tries to cover her bases!
BM just lets the boys be how they are, with no desire to improve their life in any aspect. She is 31 and lives with her parents and little sister who also is a single mom of 2 kids. She has never had a job and makes up the most ridiculous excuses as to why she can't work. SS9 never has new things, just SS11s hand me downs yet she has new clothes and got her nose pierced. She doesn't drive nor does she have a car, so we are always doing the driving to pick them up (a 2 hour ordeal). She tried using pregnancy all those years ago to trap DH and it didn't work. Its like she acts like she is just "monitoring" them until they are 18, rather than giving them the attention and guidance they need.
Thanks for the response, I will get going on some more research and getting as assessment this Fall.
I would bet in aspergus to
I would bet in aspergus to me! Hope you guys can get diagnosis and a head on the situation
My 6 year old BS is
My 6 year old BS is high-functioning autistic and it's very, very difficult for him to understand other peoples feelings or thoughts. While potty-training he also would not notice when he had wet himself although if he gets a drop of water on his clothes he likes to strip due to sensory issues. We constantly have to tell him to look at us when speaking to us and many times if we tell him something he goes right back to doing it. Good luck with his testing and I hope finding the source will help you find some solutions.
Honestly it doesn't sound
Honestly it doesn't sound like anything on the autism spectrum to me. My guess would be low IQ, especially due to the type of parenting his mom is providing (which I'm guessing was stick him in a playpen in the corner for hours at a time). With him being on meds you really don't know what's him and what's the med. His father is failing him. He should INSIST on the doctor's name and have the numbers and teachers' names at the school. The boy needs a full psych eval which includes an IQ test. If you had him on a regular basis, I would suggest visiting www.diannecraft.org . But there's not much you can do since I'm sure the bm isn't going to follow through on anything you suggest...
I've been doing a bit of
I've been doing a bit of research on autism and a few things here & there sound like him but I'm not sure that its enough to fear a diagnosis of even a bit of autism. I love do research but I am not a doctor so I can only learn on my own!
And yes, BM is providing bottom of the barrel minimalist parenting. SS9 is constantly off on his own. So many times they've told stories about how they couldn't find him and he was on the roof (!!) in his hiding spot, which they thought was so cute. I would love to keep this boy with us but that will never happen. He will most likely never get the help he needs and we can't do anything. As far as the meds, its like he's not different at all. He has been on them at least 6 months, as far as we know. At least we know what medication it is.
His BM doesn't think twice about giving us ANY kind of info about them. Its like they're 100% hers and when they come here its equivalent to them going to a friend's house in her eyes, rather than their other parents' house. And you're right, she will not follow through on anything I or even DH would suggest. Those boys = her paycheck and that's it. They are child support, tax refunds, and welfare benefits to her. Who cares how they're being raised because in her words, "she grew up poor and without anything and she's just fine". Just fine my ass.
I wish I could do everything I could for these boys as I love them and have known them from ages 3 and 1, and I can't believe she doesn't feel that way as a mother. Still waiting on karma.
I will check out the website you suggested, and thank you for your reply.