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Parenting, whose job is it?

vgill's picture

I am the step parent to 2 boys who from day one have treated me like shit unless they wanted something. BM has in the last year taken custody of ss14 but refuses to take ss12,separating siblings is not a good idea! DH has had full custody of boys since they were in diapers and has had to fight with BM for any kind of support wether it be finacial or for supportive co-parenting. DH is tired of fighting and seems to have given up on the parenting because I am here and pick up what he feels he can no longer do! (Dh has some stress related health issues and the kids are making him ill with all of the stress they cause him, he is constantly at the doctors office and hospital) Dh and I have 4 other children who are nothing but a joy for him(mostly no ones perfect) and he never feels ill around them or tired and plays with them and loves taking them places as they are well behaved and polite and loving children. He says the difference must be me as he says I am a great mother, and now he wants me to parent his 2 children from his first marriage, my thought is this is not my job, I will help and be there as I care about these kids future but I don't even like these kids, the are BRATS and that's the nicest thing I can think to call them. there is atleast one call per week from the school regarding their behaviour, there is constant yelling fighting and talking back, and heaven forbid you ask them to do anything, it's like you ripped their arms off and beat them with it!! I find it pathetic that a 5 year old does mor chores and a better job at them that either a 12yo or 14yo do. I don't think this is my job and DH is no longer capable of dealing with them as they are giving him bleeding stomach ulcers, plus more health issues. How do I get BM to step up and take both boys as DH and I need a break from this responsability!

mad stepmom's picture

My DH has tried that one on me too, wanting me to decide and do the discipline. I said no way. That makes him the good guy and me the evil stepmom. I told him before we married that I would HELP him raise his daughter. I raised mine all by myself since she was 12. Now it is time he can raise his. I was told by a teen counselor once and by my church pastor that the discipline should come from the BD. My husband acts like he doesn't know how (or maybe doesn't want to discipline. I try to guide him but he doesn't get it (or doesn't want to). Mine and your husband need to step up to the plate and do what needs to be done to keep peace in the home and to keep everyone from going insane! It truely can be a good life if they would do their job. We will be there to support them. Stand firm!