I am so glad that I found this site. Like so many of you I thought I was a horrible person for feeling this way. Anyway I need some advice about the relationship I am currently in and this looks like a good place to start. I'm thinking about just walking away but I really love him. I just dont think I can live like this for the rest of my life.

I'm still really young (26) with a 5yr old son, and a career that just started. I started dating my BF a little over a year ago. He was in the middle of a divorce and I kinda jumped into the relationship head first and eyes closed, he moved in with me just to get away from her and start over. I was very patient and understanding trying to help or just listen when he needed it, something I know most people wouldnt have done. We made it through the worst of the court stuff and he got his own place so he could start keeping his kids (boy 5, girl 4) over night, whom I wasnt around much because the ex didnt like me and had a fit if I were around her children.

About 6 months ago, because I started my new career, my son and I moved in with my BF and his kids which he has 50% of the time, just till I could find my own place (still looking). The kids get along beautifully, and he is a really good dad, but even after living there a while (I know its not that long) its still "My kids and your kid" instead of "OURS". He is not willing to change his parenting to match mine and Im not willing to baby his whiney braty children the way he does so that makes me mean and all I do is yell and I dont want to be apart of his life because I refuse to go to his ex's house for birthday parties and refuse to go anywhere she is going to be to save my sanity. The ex has absolutely no parenting skills, she lets the kids do whatever they want however they want and they have absolutely no respect for her, she thinks she's a perfect mother :O . So when we get them back, even if its only been one day, we have to completely start over with the little parenting he does do and we agree on (bedtime, dinner, knocking on the bedroom door, no sleeping in the bed w/us)and thats about it. My biggest issue with his kids is they dont listen like my son, you have to tell them the same thing 50 times and they still dont get it and if its me talking to them they just stand there and look at me like I have 2 heads then go ask daddy the same thing I just said (makes me wanna scream), they dont behave like my son, they need 95% of his time all the time even if its just to say "um, um, um, um, I forgot" and bottom line they arent mine. I have read a few posts about how you never love step kids the way you do your own and we havent gotten married and havent really talked about it much, but I really dislike his children and every little thing they do down to just walking in the same room I'm in absolutely makes me crazy and what person would want to live like that, but after finding this site it seems alot of people do (im so confused). I dont know that I could continue to not want to go home on the nights he has them.

I have gotten to where I just want to run far far away and never look back, but I love him and my son who has never had a father has grown pretty close to having my BF around. I feel like im stuck between a rock and a hard place and cant find my way out. Thanks for reading, sorry it was so long.