This is my first post, and I am sure there are many more to come! So, thank you in advance for any advice you can give!

I am a new step father to 3 children; a 17 y/o boy, 12 y/o girl, and 6 y/o boy. My wife and I married in November of 2012, but I shared my home with her and the children for a year prior. I have come to love these kids as if they were my own, and I think they feel the same.

Their father, while a part of their life in the sense that he sees them on holidays, is really not much of a father. He pays minimal child support ($600/month for 3 kids with an annual salary of well over $100k), doesn't assist with healthcare, and generally skates by with the bare minimum (he even claims two of them on his taxes). The man goes out of his way to make life hard on my wife by constantly disrespecting her in front of the kids (talks a lot of trash to them about us when we aren't around), tells the kids that I am not their father and cannot tell them what to do, and generally paints a negative picture of us to the kids on a consistent bases. In addition, my wife allows him to walk all over her. I am sure this plays a lot into the issue at hand.

On to the issue at hand!

The kids are with their father for Christmas break (the jerk gets them every holiday). Well, about 3 days into their visit, the 12 year old began texting my wife (too young for a phone, I know), telling her that she wanted to come home but that her dad wouldn't bring her because he didn't want to drive that far (he lives 45 minutes away). Apparently, he told her that if we wanted to make the trip (45 minutes!) that we could. Trying to be the good mom and thinking her daughter wanted to be home, my wife made the hour and half round trip drive. When the 12 year old got home, we found out that the reason she wanted to come home was because the expensive coat we bought her for Christmas had a tear in it, and she wanted us to take and exchange it because her father wouldn't make the drive (at least not exactly when the 12 year old wanted). Of course, my wife did just as the 12 year old wanted, and drove 25 miles to exchanged the jacket the next day.

Well, no sooner than the jacket was exchanged, our 12 year old wanted to go back to daddys. She called her dad, and he told her that he would come pick her up the next day.

The next day, both my wife and I receive texts from her father telling us that he would only meet us half way to come pick her up and that we should bring her. Keep in mind, he lives 45 minutes away and made no such provisions when we had to pick her up. We told both our 12 year old and her father that it was their decision to let her come home, and that they weren't allowed to use us like that.

Of course, the 12 year old began throwing a MAJOR fit, slamming doors, trying to break our bedroom door down, screaming at the top of her lungs, etc. We could then hear her calling her dad on her cell phone, crying about how mean we (my wife and I) are, and generally bad mouthing us to him. She then came to us and told us that he said he would come get her. When he got to the house, I was in the back and I could hear him tear into the drive way. I made my way to the front of the house, and as I came out of the front door, he was tearing out, slinging gravel all over our vehicles with his tires.

THEN!!!

A few days later, the 12 year old had an orthodontist appointment scheduled MONTHS in advance (dad was fully aware because when we asked him to help with the cost, he proceeded to complain that all we ever want from him is money). He told my wife that he would meet her at her job to drop the twelve year old off so she could take her to the ortho, which is just down the street from my wifes job, and then pick her up. The man is off work right now, and why he could bring her to my wifes job but not to the appointment is beyond me. Then, the day of the appointment, he sent my wife a text letting her know that she needed to drive out to his house (45 min away) to pick her up AND that she would have to drive her back. My wife refused (she had to work!), and opted to reschedule the appointment to the following Tuesday when the kids will be home. He had the gall to ask her why she was being like that.

Then, the twelve year old began sending texts to my wife telling her that she is a horrible mom because she didn't take her to her appointment. The girl constantly talks to my wife like she is the boss. She talks to me the same way.

I know that was a lot, but how should we handle this?? I know we need to get the kids attitude in check, but how?? We plan on taking her phone away when she gets home, but my God, I can hear the high pitch screaming and non stop crying/screaming already. The last time she lost her phone, it was because she was having inappropriate conversations with a boy by text message. She was supposed to lose the phone for a month, but my wife gave in after 3 days because of the guilt trips and non stop screaming/crying.

How should I deal with the jerk of a dad??

PLEASE HELP!!!

Thank you, again..