HELP, please. I need some advise.
I am 47 y/o man, in an almost 3 year relationship, 2 of those years of marriage to a 49 y/o lady (her first marriage, my second) who has a 27 y/o son who is at home with no job who is respectful, just no direction in life right now , but he is trying.
We have my 17 y/o son at home who has a crappy high school record, a computer gamming problem, but has committed to a youth challenge program here in GA at Fort Gordon and then hopefully to the military, who is very respectful and causes no problems to speak of.
The major problem lies with my wife’s 23 y/o son and his 24 y/o wife who has her only grand child who is 3 y/o.
I am have a high a high strung personality style due to the many years I spent in a 911 center and on an ambulance.
I have many personal flaws, but I am a tradionaly oriented decent loving type of guy.
My wife has a fiercely independent type personality and is proud to have raised 2 boys by herself and takes very much offence when anything negative is said about their raising, but for the most part a very loving and compassionate person. She makes 3 times the pay I do. This is not an issue until there's a problem and an argument over these adult children then it is used as a battering ram against me.
My wife and her children are very close.
They have partaken together and lived together off and on for a long time.
There are no boundaries to speak of in this household where it comes to the grown kids.
None of the kids contribute anything consistently to speak of to the house hold, but use and abuse it as if it where their own with no regard to the ones who do live there or their so called personal space.
They do make my wife happy WHEN the 23 y/o and 24 y/o decide to come around with the grandchild or they when need something.
These guys are very disrespectful to me, strait to my face.
The 24 y/o daughter in-law mostly
They will manipulate my wife like a rag doll and she accepts every jab, every curse name and so on that comes out of these guys with a smile on her face.
The 24 y/o daughter is the worst for me to try and deal with.
I love my wife with all my heart, but she will drop everything (including, as of last weekend, plans for her and I to spend the evening together) and drive 80 miles out of her way at the whim/whimper of her 23 y/o to console him, as he seems to have a miserable existence for the most part, due to his very tenaciously, mean spirited 24 y/o wife.
This insipid woman will totally ignore me when I casually speak to her in passing.
She always has a hurtful or demeaning comment to or about me when she doe’s acknowledge my presents.
This woman and the 23 y/o have for the last 2 of my wife’s birthday, have come over and taken center stage with their insipid behavior and the incidences go on and on.
She stumbled into the house unannounced in the middle of the night, in a drunken stupor and slapped me across me face recently, calling me everything but a child of God, with my wife standing by watching and doing nothing to stand up for me.
I have done nothing to deserver any of this from this woman.
I treat the grandchild as if she where my own with lost of attention and respect.
I have reached out to them/her many times, offering my friendship and love only to have my attempts mocked and made fun of.
I have already swallowed allot of their abuse and mistreatment in order to keep the peace to no avail.
My wife says I need to just let more time pass and they/she will come around and accept me.
My wife is telling me that if I don’t accept this abuse from this woman, keep my mouth shut to keep the peace with them, that our marriage will be in danger of ending and that my 17 y/o son and I can move out.
I know my wife has a cretin degree of love for me in her heart (but this makes me question this) and I love her very much and place her above all else.
I do foresee, right now, anything changing at all due to my wife’s acceptance of their unacceptable behavior.
Are my feeling justified or am I being too harsh ?
Is this right ?
Is this to be accepted or tolerated by me ?
Should I do as my wife says ?
Can someone give me any advise PLEASE , something I can show my wife that is of an opinion outside of the family that shows I’m not being selfish ?