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Girlfriends 2 middle children play on everything to get there own way

50 shades of dad's picture

Morning all,


 just wanting some feed back from mums and dads, my girlfriend and I have been dating for a good 14 months now her kids know me as a friend to there mum and I'm around a lot. Her eldest is 13 and has warmed to me suggesting that me and his mum hook up lol( if only they knew lol). The youngest who is 4 also socialises with me a lot and I interact with him massively(father is a when it suits person). Now on to the middle 2 .  My gf took her kids away 2 weeks ago and tried to ease them into letting them know what was going on and that she had met somebody but when she asked if they were ok with it the 2 middle ones got emotional about the situation, saying they didn't want her to be with anyone and so forth. Then a few nights back we were at her mums and she had decided to cancel her night out the following night but when I looked at the 2 middle ones they had such a conniving smile on there face it was shocking as these 2 parade around like they're hard done by, it's the first time I've seen this Behavior in them and it's starting to explain a lot when we have had plans and she's cancelled at the zero hour once costing me £400 for a weekend away. 

long and short of it how do I approach my gf and let her know what I'm seeing without her feeling I'm getting on at the kids? 


Kes's picture

Always nice to welcome a new UK member - it will be a good few hours though, before the majority of the site members (from the USA) wake up! ;-)  

I'm all for being sensitive to kids' feelings about stuff, but not to the extent that they are allowed to dictate whether their mother has a partner or not - that is just outrageous.  She presented it to them in the wrong way - she should have said - THIS is the situation, and I realise you may have some feelings about it but we will try and work through them together. 

Allowing the kids to influence a weekend away and cost £400 is ridiculous.   You and your girlfriend need to take charge of the situation and remember that YOU are the adults, THEY are the children and you have the authority and power in this situation, not them.  

tog redux's picture

Early US riser here! This is exactly it. You don't ask kids if they are okay with you dating, you inform them and then ask what concerns they have and reassure them about those. 

It's not too late for her to flip the script, as long as she's willing to deal with their so-called upset about it. 

shamds's picture

Getaway for no important reason other than to pamper the 2 princesses.

early this year me and hubby planned a weekend getaway with our 2 toddlers. Ss21.5 who lives with us when not at university, as usual never informs hubby in advance when he’ll be home. The day before our weekend getaway ss comes home and hubby tells him that we will be away for 2 days as of tomorrow.

ss tells hubby that on the 2nd day of our trip that hubby needs to come home and pick him up and drive him to university when he has before and is capable of arranging an uber ride. Hubby told him he was awya on holiday and ss needed to make arrangements via uber. 

Ss tried to negotiate or rather pester hubby to pick him up. Hubby said no that he wasn’t driving 1.5 hours away from the resort to home, then drive 1.5 hours away to his uni plus another 40 mins to our hotel... close to a 4hr trip during our “romantic non-stop sex vacation”, yeah I don’t think so!!

parents like your partner can’t juggle their priorities well and set good healthy boundaries with their kids. Your partner is showing her kids that you can blow off someone who went all out to do something nice for you snd your relationship and not give a shit

My hubby works his arse off at his job for 3 kids with exwife who don’t give a stuff.. sometimes he just wants to relax with me because he knows with his crazy work hours, me with 2 toddlers and dealing with 3 ahole skids, we do need our getaway to destress and re-group.. 

a healthy relationship and marriage involves the couple dating and having some me time. Thats not selfish but healthy. Putting your kids as #1 and your partner or spouse in the background is the quickest way to a breakup and when your kids are adults and move out, you’re left on your own... your partner or spouse if treated well with love, care, respect and affection will be your solid rock...

Maxwell09's picture

Are they still at the age where they believe their parents with magically get back together and you are the one keeping them apart? Some younger/preteens like to play Parent Trap. I blame Disney for the nonsense but it's also society too. Just be consistent and calm. 

2nd wives club's picture

It's a huge red flag that she's asking her kids for permission to date. That dynamic is all out of whack. She'll let the kids make your life a living hell.

Ask her to reimburse you for half of the cost of the cancelled trip. That's so rude.

A similar incident happened to me when DH and I were dating. We booked a cabin for a long weekend and then he bailed because MSS had a baseball tournament. I took my kids and made the best out of it because I was not going to just not go and not get a refund. I should've dumped him after that incident, looking back. 20/20

Plus she's treating you like a dirty little secret. Why all the covert stuff? She doesn't sound like a "keeper".

Rags's picture

Your GF is a child obsessed moron.  She abdicates her position as an adult to children and allows  children to dictate and control her life.

Move on.  Find an adult who can make her own life decisions rather then allowing her crotch nuggets to make her relationship decisions for her.

Harry's picture

For no good reason.  Someone really sick,   Then the kids are controlling her life.  You can not be in a relationship where the kids are in charge,  You will only be an ATM with benefits.  That will be your life.  I could not live that way, seams you can not either.

Time to go