Any help appreciated from you straight talking ladies 'across the pond'.....SD....living the 'Nightmare'
Hello...new here and my first post...just writing this was therapy itself....LOL!!!
Quick background: BF….although we were supposed to be married last September….although I called it off b/c of these underlying issues…but just said I got cold feet as I knew he couldn’t/wouldn’t accept that as the reason. He has 2 daughters, 1 is about to turn 20 in the next week, the other will be 18 at the end of August. Eldest goes to Uni but comes back every w/e to work the other is planning to move in when she has finished college, she is trying to make it as a musician –I have no problem myself with YSD she is lovely. He has been divorced for over 10 years, the BM has now remarried. She doesn’t like her Stepdad, although she is willing to let her put software on her PC etc etc. She also has a love/hate relationship with her mum…I can’t keep up with I myself!!!
This girl, sorry ‘woman’ has tried to split us up pretty much from day one.
A few 'SITUATIONS':
1. After about a month of dating, we were out one night and he had come back to mine, she text him to say that she was scared in the house on her own could he come back (at nearly 18)…yep he went!!!!
2. Twitter posts about me including “Please don’t think you are gunna be here and I’m actually going to be polite? One word answers is all youre getting #pissoff #twat #leach”, “Sleep and not desperate to go out with dad and his ergh girlfriend #brilliant”, “stayaway” and when we had a split last year “well that was a bit of good news I wasn’t expecting #knew it # always right #byebye”.
3. Also posted a picture of her parents kissing on their wedding day “They did love each other one #broken #mum and Dad.”
4. Cannot look me in the eye when speaking to me, is moody, and doesn’t engage in conversation unless she is talking AT you. Generally anything to make me feel uncomfortable.
5. Returned from a holiday in the States to find the pile of my clothes that were on the bed in the spare room were on the floor. Also my body scrub had been taken from our bathroom and was now in hers plus a condition of mine was missing (never found that…lol).
6. Every holiday we have been on there have been constant calls & texts. E.g Whilst in Bali one night she called in the early hours of the morning as she had a ‘problem with her b/f – on our return no mention of said ‘problem’. Whilst in Spain one call was to ask where the vases were as her b/f had bought her flowers (she lives in the house….so where they always were). In the States a call on out first day (when she had been at ours the night before) to ask her dad to sign a lease for her student accommodation which had to be done there and then etc etc ….you get the picture.
7. On more than 1 occasion I have prepared large meals (1 especially to meet her new boyfriend)…then miraculously shortly before we are due to serve etc. she has other plans/won’t be attending.
8. Her dad and I had gone out for the night and met friends of mine; we returned and couldn’t get a taxi back to the house. It was freezing and raining. She refused to come and collect us, it was only a 10 minute round trip in a car her dad had bought her, insured, taxed etc. etc.
9. We went to a concert her sister was performing at and completely ignored me there. When we got home she decided to ‘hold court’ at the dining table with SO’s friends (SO and I sat at the table as he knew I couldn’t bear the situation) and talked about how she would be coming back from Unit every weekend. The concert was also the first time I had met BM so the fact that she ignored me, I felt made me look like a complete idiot.
10. One evening she called her dad and asked what we were having for dinner. He said I was making stir fry. She asked if she and a friend could join us. He said yes so I went out and bought more ingredients etc etc. I got back and her and her 3 friends were sat at the table waiting for a pre packed lasagne that she had bought.
11. Made a point of specifically waning just her Dad and sister to pick her up on her return from holiday even though she knew I would be there.
12. Totally ignored me at a family lunch….again it made me feel like such an idiot having to make small talk at the table and her not even acknowledging my existence.
13.The 1 time I had friends over for dinner….she turned up (as she had ran off to her aunt’s) saw my friends just arriving (her dad had told her what we were doing that evening) and burst out crying…blah, blah, blah…SO went off upstairs with her and I was left with our guests that arrived and had to witness this from a 19 year old woman. WTF….WTF….WTF!!!!LOL.
14. Mysteriously a notebook appeared in a basket of my clothes in our room, I opened and there was all this spiteful stuff bout SO’s 2nd wife…like how she doesn’t do her washing properly so she didn’t want her to do it…but then the next page complaining she wasn’t doing it…?!? I put it down then….scary!!!!!
15. Calls when we have gone to bed…when she is in the driveway !!!!
I could go on but you get the picture. I have done nothing but try my hardest and put in a lot of effort with this girl (although now I realise that was probably not the right thing to do)…but I wanted to let you all know I really have tried my best.
I think she is ‘entitled’. She went to private school, got all her driving lessons paid for her, failed her test so Dad paid for an intensive course, bought her a car, taxes it, insures it etc …then she asks for services on the car. Pays her mobile telephone bill. He buys her Karen Millen dresses for no reason and Benefit makeup because she was feeling low. She has since being a teenager had a £400 per month ‘allowance’ but never has any problem asking for more money as and when she needs it and always says she is broke now she is a student (dad still gives her the £400 allowance and she works a day and a half at the weekend). She wanted a Mac for Uni (he bought her a new laptop the previous year on the understanding she would keep HER bathroom clean….did she nope….any consequences….you bet your life not!!), dad said he would lend her the money….BM said she would give her £200….guess what I don’t think it was a loan from dad anymore. I could go on….BUT I AM SURE YOU CAN SEE ….THIS IS CRAZY!!!!! She never does anything around the house and gets mad when she is asked to clear the table or put her stuff in the dishwasher.
I think she is most definitely a narcissist as she is NEVER wrong or apologises, she is very self-centred…yes the whole world does revolve around her (so sorry all you other SD’s out there that think it revolves around them….LOL), everything has to be about her (she is even like that with her sister...pulling faces when her dad said he would buy sister a car…if looks could kill), every little thing is a drama with tears, tantrums walking out, she falls out with ‘best friends’ often then makes up, vents such anger on Twitter. Treats the house as is she runs it….even getting a key cut for her boyfriend (now ex) without telling/asking her dad. As soon as she arrives her presence changes the entire mood of the house.
As with many of you I fell she is disrespectful to not only me but her father. Little acknowledgement of Father’s Day: one Twitter post said “#HappyFathersDay luckily my Dad has forgotten today too” – she had been reminded about it by YOUNGER sister so she knew about it and also posted the comment!!! The next Father’s Day she said she would buy him a shirt….she didn’t know we had started seeing each other again – we went away for the weekend and he told her he was going with me….needless to say the shirt never materialised and he received a pad which said ‘Grumpy Old Man’ on the front. On his birthday he is lucky to receive a card. However her birthday is next week….heaven forbid if that was forgotten…Twitter comments “’link to Tiffany’s website…Birthday Present idea #daddy”. Etc etc. Only once has he actually admitted that he finds this kind of hurtful and then stuck his head back in the sand. She refuses to do anything around the house and disses him for nagging etc when he asks her to do anything.
Yet on the other hand she calls herself a Daddy’s girl….WTF?!?! She does the usual stuff of talking about the old times, looking through pictures etc etc, calling texting when we are on holiday/out. We went to the Olympics in London…first thing she asked how much did that cost….I want to. It is like he can not spend any money on me without her getting the a*se, wanting the same. He had a picture of her ‘last year best friend’ with him as his screen saver…I found this a bit weird. Her friends come in and treat the place as their own…just seems a bit OTT sometimes. And of course since I came on the scene she doesn’t feel it is the same with me, she sees him enough blah, blah, blah. Asks him to do lots of ‘little’ things for her….is this emotional incest/mini wife syndrome. He moved to a flat specifically so that she could move in with him and so they have probably lived together for 5 years or so. Funny thing is when we started seeing each other again last year she acknowledged he was happy…if you love him so much then let him be happy.
He talks about her and her behaviour constantly but I ‘can’t’ say anything otherwise apparently I am trying to keep them apart.
We had a great sex life but then I just started to go off ‘off it/him’….having read a lot about this now I can see the link I think: feelings of resentment, being ‘the other woman’, seeing a man not having the backbone to stand up to his daughter is a turn off??? Any thoughts????
Apparently though the crisis in our relationship is my fault as I “can’t get past the issue of SD” and I obviously don’t want it to work because I slated her; that was just 2 years of biting my tongue, anger, being emotionally abused and then him telling me that he had know about her ‘behaviour’ for sometime and that she had basically subjected his 2nd (now ex) wife and ex-girlfriend to similar behaviour!!!!!!!!!
Could someone please, please assure me that this is not necessarily my fault/problem?????? Disney Dad, Guilty Dad, Mini Wife syndrome???? I feel like my self-esteem is shot to pieces and I feel like I am living a real-life nightmare. I have never experienced anything like this before….but I really don’t think this is ‘normal’…although unfortunately it might be common…arrrgghhhh. Rather his/hers/their problem? And any help on how to address/get over the resentment would be great!!!! Literally the sound of her name makes my head spin!!!!!
Many thanks for reading and apologies for the long post!!!