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Different rules for skids than for bio kids

Satcommom's picture

My 13 yo bio twin daughters are asking me why they are being held accountable for things and have chores to do when their 15 and 17 yo stepbrothers get away with everything (no chores, no punishments). I hold my girls accountable and they have regular chores around he house but DH is a total Disney parent with his two boys. All kids live with us full time. How do I explain this situation to my girls? I told them that the boys are not my bio sons and I can't fully parent them as DH doesn't "let me" but I worry that this sends the wrong signal to my girls. Help....

notasm3's picture

Just tell them that the SSs are pieces of shit and there's nothing you can do about it. But that you are determined that your daughters are going to be raised to be decent human beings.

The signal to them is that their step siblings are worthless pieces of shit. And that they are not.

AVR1962's picture

When you marry/move in together you and your husband/boyfriend have to talk about the rules of the house and what is and is not acceptable and apply that to ALL of the children. It is a MUST, it cannot work otherwise.

Satcommom's picture

dH is not capable of changing, we've been together for 8 years with kids...his kids BM was in jail for a long time and he feels like his kids were damaged by that and can't discipline them, because of that, he feels guilty about the whole thing.

Satcommom's picture

Yea, I refuse to make the girls clean after the boys. I don't even clean after the boys. I make DH do it, he has resigned to do it after numerous fights. However the girls are picking up bad habits occasionally and I have to correct's frustrating.

Satcommom's picture

It's good to know I am not alone, thanks for that post. I disengaged long ago, when I realized that there was no hope for skids, so other than the influence on my girls, I honestly couldn't care less.
Its been too late for those boys for a while and I was never allowed to parent them because DH feels guilty about having the original family broken up.

Stormyweather's picture

For fuck sake....why oh why do these men remarry then if they are so guilty at breaking up the original family???? It does my head in.

Satcommom's picture

You are right, ideally DH would step up and make the boys do chores too. But he is not consistent and within a couple of weeks would start to make excuses for them. I really don't want to break up the household, but am very upset about telling my girls not to clean after men but in actuality making them do it. I really don't know what to do here.
Btw oldest step kid is leaving the house in <1 yr and youngest one wants to go live with mom soon.

Satcommom's picture

You are right, tanks for the kick in the butt. I like the idea of a rotation schedule. Even if I know chit won't get done, DH is going on a business trip next week, time to start enforcing the new schedule. Oh and I am sure they will run to their moms as soon as they hear there is work involved. Either way, things need to change, thanks for the wake up call!

thinkthrice's picture

You to DDs: "Girls, you do NOT look good in orange jumpsuits, whereas your stepbrothers will be wearing them very soon. I have a duty to see that you live a happy, productive life; unfortunately, stepbrothers are not getting the same guidance from their dad."