Housing woes
DH and I have been married for 6 years, living together for 8. He has 2 boys (15 and 18) I have twins girls (14) and all kids are from previous marriages. Originally, I had my own place I rented, but when we got engaged he asked me to move in With him. I would have preferred to buy a new house together, but his financial situation didn't allow for it at the time. The boys each have their own room, always have had that, so my girls have shared a room for the past 6 years. The oldest boy is now moving out to go to college and my girls are asking to each have separate rooms (they are 14 now and want some privacy from each other). DH is opposed to this, he says since we both work from home, we need office space instead and the girls should continue to share. I tried to explain to him that it's important for my girls to have separate rooms, and that in 4 years they will be out of the house and DH and I will have office space. He just won't hear it.
What gets me is that his boys have always had their own room, but yet I feel like my girls are not granted the same treatment. I just don't think this is fair to the girls and sets an example that the girls cannot have what the boys have had all their lives. Any idea on how to approach the situation, any advice you can provide? my feeling is that there is a double standard here, and I can't help being very frustrated and angry. Thanks for your input.
The boys had separate rooms,
The boys had separate rooms, now it's the girls' turn.
You have gone without office space all of this time; he's being a jerk.
In 3 years, his other son should be off to college, no? So, he won't even have to wait the 4 years!
I don't know your husband, so I don't know what to tell you as far as the best way to get through to him, but please stand your ground. Your girls deserve it and your husband is being selfish.
I have no doubt that if it was the other way around, he could wait for his office space if it meant that his boys could have their own rooms.
I agree with hereiam. Is
I agree with hereiam. Is there a compelling reason you suddenly need office space now? If it was so important then why didn't his boys share a room previously? Unless the change to working from home is recent, it's a double standard that is unfair to your girls. While life isn't fair, you put up with your girls sharing and not having an office so his boys could have their own rooms. Now it's his turn to do the same. Maybe the solution is to look for another home with more space if he can't handle 3 more years of no office. Or is there a way to remodel/expand what you have? Finish off a basement or attic?
I work from home, and my "office" is a desk in the corner of the basement playroom, a TV tray in the living room, or the dining room table. So I understand completely how frustrating it is to not have a real office. DH and I are trying to find a new place for that reason.
He has worked from home for
He has worked from home for the past 2 yrs, I have recently started to work from home about 8 months ago. We looked at other homes, but he still wants 4 bedrooms, which means moving away from the island, getting a considerable higher mortgage and we live next door to an excellent high school, which the kids would have to leave.
My office is also in the hallway, I have no privacy and I am right by the bathroom (if someone flushes, I have to mute my phone!) and he works from the dining room and sometimes the oldest sons room. I suggested renovating and closing in our back porch, that's something we are looking into as well, but ilikely not going to be immediate, I am sure. Honestly more than anything, what really stings for me is the double standard here...I feel like he is being selfish and not considering my girls needs.
Then I can see his point. He
Then I can see his point. He made it work when it was just him, but now it's both of you and your "office" isn't feasible. Twice the office space needed, and either you get interrupted or no one can use the bathroom. He may have been willing to let the girls split if it was still just him working from home, but you won't know now. I agree it's not fair to the girls, but the jobs are important as well. You have to be able to work in order to provide for them. In this case I do think that work should take priority over the girls getting their own rooms, especially if you do not want to move since there are benefits to your current home. If you can afford it, renovating the porch seems like the best compromise.
I understand the feeling of unfair. DH and I really can't afford more than 4 bedrooms, and with 4 kids that means my two share no matter what due to age/gender. Right now we have 3 boys in one 10 x 10 room because we are in a 3 bedroom house. I didn't get to decorate a nursery or have a relaxing/private space to nurse other than our bedroom. We couldn't fit a rocking chair. Even if we move, my boys won't have a chance to get their own rooms until SD moves out. So I totally get the double standards and the anger on behalf of your kids, but please try to see this from his side too. He may not be trying to be unfair, but circumstances did change. And it would have been possible to move both his boys in together to get the space sooner, but if SS18 was planning on moving out, why bother moving him twice? That may have been the logic in letting the boys stay separate even after you changed to work at home.
ETA: Is there a way to redecorate the girls' room to give them the illusion of privacy? Is the room big enough for them each to have a loft bed like this? http://www.curtain-tracks.com/blog/dorm-room-privacy-curtains/
I can see the logic in your
I can see the logic in your husbands want for office space and I can see your argument for the girls.
How big are the rooms in your house? Might be time for a complete re-shuffle. Either shuffle your master bedroom around to get a desk in there (we have our office space in our room, we just lost a tv cabinet for it).
Look at ways you can give the girls more "personal" space in their own room, or if its easier swop the master with their room and put in a divider, if you have high ceilings then you can get those space saving high beds with storage (or desk space) underneath so the girls can both have their own area.
Put the remaining boy in the smallest room and then haul ass to get the porch converted.
^^^what echo said. He was OK
^^^what echo said.
He was OK with his sons having your own room. It is a double standard and I simply would not allow it. I would move one of the girls into the room and he would come home and it would be all done.
Start designing the enclosed patio asap
Thanks for your comments, I
Thanks for your comments, I have gone as far as looking at real estate in the vicinity just for the girls and I. But I don't want to break our family. I am trying to pick my battles and am looking for advice from others who have similar experiences. This doesn't mean that I am weak or that I'm asking for his permission. I simply want to pick a good strategy so I can win this battle with the least amount of damage possible to my kids and to my marriage, once it's on then it's on and I am not backing off. So thanks for your input, I appreciate it.
Thanks for that sueu2, I
Thanks for that sueu2, I appreciate your support and candor.
Candor......I guess you could
Candor......I guess you could call it that...LMAO :?