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I need some advice!!:)))))

Jenner3's picture

My Step Daughter came to live with us a few months ago. Her mom was not happy about it but the child pressed the issue, and her mom has so many other children I think she felt resigned to it. Anyway - here we are, the court agreement is for a year. The girl is def a manipulative child and would prefer to have her dad and only her dad, without myself and my child. The only stipulation is that the child go home to mom for Christmas, for break as shes expecting another child. (NICE have more kids you cant afford).. It was and is the mom's responsibility to purchase the ticket. Ok here is the prob: Her mom has relied on my hubby for child support to support her lifestyle all this time (not unusual). Her mom bought a one way ticket without talking to us over x-mas break. She says its our responsibility to buy the ticket back if we want the child to return to us (That was not the deal) Her mom makes bad decisions and constantly looks to us to pick up the slack. I know that she is having financial hardship and wants her daughter home so that she gets the extra $ each month. I am so disgusted. I can't belive a grown woman would be willing to bring her daughter (who is flourishing BTW, home beacuse she is not making it financially). My prob is this: the fact is: The mom is unstable. The mother wants her daughter back because she lives off the $ she gets for her daughter and I would generally say absolutely not to buying a ticket home that is not our responsibility BUT....how will his child feel? It's her mom responsibility to buy the ticket home. Her mom doesnt want her to come back so shes sabotaging her daughter being here by using the ticket as an excuse for her to stay.. I feel we will lose all integrity if we buy the ticket but if we don't her daughter stays with her mom, changes schools mid year and ends up losing out on valuable time with her dad and an ability to live with a normal family (BTW: this kid has not been a cakewalk. Ive had to literally teach her everything and half the time I know she doesnt like oand resents me). Arghhhhhh my gut says to say "No" because her mom needs to know that everytine she has a bilpolar moment she cant take her probs out on us but my heart says that even though I know its wrong, I feel like a bad person for denying his daughter the right to come back over a ticket. Any thoughs??

Jenner3's picture

Yes, it is normal....but for last 3 years, we've paid for the entire visit to get the kids from point A to us. 3 times a year. Thousands upon thousands of dollars each time. She has never budged on helping to pay half and it not apart of the parenting plan. It is worked into the child support arrangement (which BTW he pays well above the norm and has since day 1). Now that one child is living with us she does not want to live up to her bargain. My hubby is willing to let his daughter go instead fight the fight. Not my pron but I feel so badly. I would never raise my child in this fashion. Sad

prayerhelps's picture

Just buy the return ticket---you can try sending BM a bill, but it won't matter. What matters is that SD is doing better w/you and you shoule make sure she has a chance

Jenner3's picture

Thanks for the advice. Just for clarification purposes: She has two children living with her and 1 with us. My hubby and I pay child support for both children living w/ her now and she pays us nothing for the child who resides with us for year. The child with us is supposed to return to her mom in July 11 but her mom wants her to come back to live with her. She bought a one way ticket for the holidays without discussing times/dates with us. A one way ticket is more than a roundtrip. I know the additional CS $ is the motivating factor because she has mentioned lately that she is not makiing it financially and wants her daughter home. It really is the childs choice. My prob is that it is the principal that this woman makes a plan with us and then changes it mid way all the time and we are always stuck with the cost of the change. I am done with paying for her misery. Smile