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Anyone ever feel guilty or sad for their SKs having a shitty bio parent?

sunshinex's picture

My SD4's BM is the worst. She left when she was 9 months due to "not being ready for being a mother" and when SD was about 1.5, she came back in and fought for partial custody. Now she sees SD two or three times a year (it's court ordered that they see each other "if possible" as we live in a different city. BM was the one who said "if possible" in the court order... which means we technically don't HAVE to let her see her, but I feel it's only fair as she knows and misses her mom.

Sometimes it's hard though.. it's hard to look at such a young girl and hear her talk about missing mommy when mommy never calls or asks us to see her. We always have to push it on her and tell her we'd like to drive SD up to see her.. she never takes initiative. Not only that, but she's never paid for ANYTHING for this child. We're going for child support, because it's only fair that she steps up at least financially.

What do you do when you feel guilty or sad about your SK having a shitty bio parent? Is it best for them to be completely out of the picture? We've thought about getting her to sign over all rights, not sure if she'd do it because she likes being able to call herself a mother and see SD when it's convenient for her... But would that be best? Or is it too late for that?

hereiam's picture

I don't feel guilty but I do feel bad for my SD. However, she is an adult now and will not listen to anything that DH has to say, so I feel less and less bad for her as time goes on and she continues to make bad choices.

BM has taught her to be dependent on others, has told her that she can't do anything, and basically does not want SD to succeed in life or have more than BM.

GhostWhoCooksDinner's picture

I feel bad for my skids (ex-skids?) in a way. They're being raised by a jealous, insecure, immature girl with Borderline Personality Disorder, who PASed their father out of their lives. They have no shot now of being independent, productive adults. I'd feel bad for any kid in this situation.

However, I feel way less sorry for SS16. He knew exactly what he was doing when he called CPS with a bogus abuse claim because he didn't want to be at our house 50/50 anymore. We had always told him that if he wanted to change the custody arrangement, all he had to do was ask his parents and they'd work something out. But no. He had to be a liar and a sneak and an asshole just like his mother. He's learned well and is exactly like her, and he can rot.

I feel sorry for exSS11 since BM lied (to everyone) about his paternity for 9 years. In case you're not familiar with my story, BM passed SS off as DH's till he was 9 1/2 years old, then decided to announce that her current husband is SS's biofather. And he is. So I feel bad for all the confusion the kid has been through, including his name being changed at 10 years old. But hey, he's with both of his parents in an intact family now, so he's better off than some.

thinkthrice's picture

Yes in that they don't have a concept of the word "reality." As far as they're concerned, (two are still at home; one is emancipated but still in dreamworld) life is one big bowl of happy cherries!

The latest material goods are handed over to them without any strings--they eat nothing but junk food, stay over at friend's houses, are constantly being entertained 24/7, and mommykins doesn't require that they earn good grades, have chores, do homework or schoolwork.

So of course, after some time elapses when they experience the real world (if they ever leave mommykins basement--I'm pretty sure that OSS 19 is back at the BM's, not in school and working part time at a retail gaming store) they will expect the GOVERNMENT to give them freebies and handouts.

sunshinex's picture

Ahh this is the worst. On the odd occasion BM sees SD, she gives her tons of candy, junk food, nothing but crap and no rules, which means she gets home and thinks we're the bad guys because we don't want to give a 4 year old a family sized bag of candy :/