Obnoxious twin sk's breaking up marriage?
I've been with the love of my life for almost a year. We're getting married in October but I'm really struggling. My fiance has 3 kids with 2 different women. 1 SD 6 full time with us and twins 1boy 1girl age 2 every weekend. The girl isn't awful. Really. It's the toddlers ... I'm really struggling with things ... He just brings his twins over and dumps them on me. They live next door so yeah. His ex does too. She shoots heroin. The twins are poorly cared for no potty training and the boy cries non-stop like NONSTOP I've never seen anything like it. AND my fiance seems to think I can be their new mommy. I've told him I do not have a bond with them and don't push It. It went from visits every Saturday into Sunday to all of a sudden every full weekend like all of a sudden with no asking me how I'd feel to have my life interrupted. I said to him when did we make the decision to keep them every weekend or did you snd ur ex make it eitjout me? And he said I just wanna take my kids when I can like I'm the asshole. Mind you I have 3 children of my own and never not one time have thry stepped foot in here without his permission or knowledge. I have to babyproof the house when they come and it takes an hour at least to babyproof. I lose my bedroom now too because they can't be left alone to sleep in beds. They used sleep in my damn bed until I started to sleep on the couch when they came and he got the hint and set up a huge playpen they could sleep in - in the middle of our room. Which I set up and take down of course. It was more tolerable when it was only 1 night a week but now it's every full weekend and I just lost my only morning I got to sleep in with my fiance and now I have to babysit while he runs errands or while I go out alone because it's too fucking hectic to take them all. All my alone time with him is now gone and he doesn't get why I'm unhappy. I've told him I hate the way he acts when they're here. He locks himself in the bedroom and says they bug the shit out of him ... Then why more time?! Am I being immature or bitchy? I'm a very loving maternal woman and idk y but it feels different with the twins as opposed to the girl. . maybe something to do with his ex living so close? Advice please PLEASE?
Am I being immature or bitchy
Am I being immature or bitchy?
You are not the immature one.
Trust me, this is not the love of your life. And, if he is, you need better standards.
. She shoots heroin.
This does not usually end well. She could overdose. Children's services could get involved. Their father could end up with them full time at any minute.
Yes, there is the remote chance that BM could magically get clean. But, I wouldn't count on it.
That's my biggest fear. Her
That's my biggest fear. Her bitch ass dies and then we inherit them. God he knocked her up in a short messed up rebound relationship why twins?
I'm right there with you. BM
I'm right there with you. BM is part of the problem with them to start anyway. I've noticed that the longer we have SD for an individual time frame the better things get. BUT there is always a huge fight that ensues first before it gets better. To the point where I give up. I'm tired of having to fight EVERY TIME we get SD just to have some peace in my home. Because me and SO are peaceful. We dont have drama going at all, let alone constantly. We don't like it in the least bit. But boy does SD. Like the little girl HAS to fight with someone to feel comfortable. Shes 9 though and LOVES drama. To the point she literally creates it with her friends just to have something crazy going on. Down to texting her friends crazy things, pretending to be one of her cousins that "stole her phone" so that she can fight and argue with the friend that it wasn't her that text in the first place. And then she sits and tells her dad and I some long drawn out story about how so and so stole her phone and pretended to be her and now her friends mad at her and wont be her friend... blah blah blah. But SD had stolen BMs phone and text me pretending to be BM to try and get BM and I to get into a fight. It's always SOMETHING with this demon. Its exhausting.
Every weekend the same thing. No breaks ever. Every weekend a new fight too. My SDs BM is a drug addict as well and omfg do I want to shake some sense into that woman. It's almost a guarentee both of these women will at some point OD and we will be stuck with their monsters. Think long and hard, because it's coming. Weekends turn into extra days throughout the week until the kids gradually at your house most, if not all, of the time. And that's IF BM doesnt do herself in before that starts. It's happening here right now.
Men only think with one head sometimes I guess lol. Mine regrets ever having laid with that woman. But he was only thinking with the one head and what's done is done and HE has to deal with it. I've checked out. I'm her for my SO not his demon spawn. She will grow up and move out (fingers crossed!) One day!
Hold on girly! You are not alone!
This. Herion is very very
This. Herion is very very difficult to kick. Typically the addiction gets worse and worse until the user over doses and dies.
Not only that, but once the children are in school, CPS will eventually be called.
That being said, why haven't you called CPS? I know you don't like them (which is your boyfriend's fault since he dumps them on you and doesn't take care of them), but they are two and their primary parent uses FREAKING HEROIN.
Neither of the twins "parents" should have custody. Honestly, they should be put up for adoption so they can be raise by people that love and care for them.
SMH. How do you even respect and love this man that treats you and his very young children so poorly?
So there's no way to
So there's no way to disengage or anything. I'm just a shitty relationship picker? My only relationship was with an abuser severely abusive. I left him and didn't date or have sex for 5 years until I found this man I'm with now.
So there's no way to
So there's no way to disengage or anything.
Oh, there's a way!
LOL ok ... So how? I'm
LOL ok ... So how? I'm assuming you meant leave him? Please advise. I really think he would listen to me if I talked to him. Thanks.
The twins are not the problem
The twins are not the problem, but your SO sure is.
He wants a nanny, not a partner. And right now he has a nanny he can have sex with. He's got it made!
I say this in all kindness...you are not bitchy, but you are being foolish. WHY do you want to marry this man who cares way more about himself than he does you or his children? Do you think it will get better after you're married?
I was told the same about my
I was told the same about my SO. And NOPE. Put my foot down real damn fast. I am no ones live in babysitter. HE needs to get his shit together.
DONT MARRY HIM! I love my SO too but if he asked to marry me it would be a flat no. If I ever need a quick escape marriage will stop it. I'm willing to work at things as long as he is AND DOES. Maybe someday in the future it might change, but as for now, I'm not chaining myself too him. You shouldn't either, even if only for your own kids sake
CPS is already involved with
CPS is already involved with his ex. She's on the methadone program so she can piss dirty while "in treatment" legally where we live. No repercussions. Trust me I don't think they're well cared for at all but there's nothing I can do. Thank you all for your support. I really dont want to get married as it is now and i just told him so about 5 mins ago. I listed a bunch of changes tht need to be made or I'm leaving and I'm waiting on his response. I'll be sad but I'm not a nanny and I've been abused enough ... I do have a spine now.
Go girl! You got this!
Go girl! You got this!
You did the right thing, it
You did the right thing, it sounds like right now your problem isnt with the twins per se. It's your frustration with your circumstances. It sounds like you are putting way more into this relationship than you are getting in return. That is not a situation that suddenly improves. I would be wary of making any serious commitments with this man.
It truly saddens me to read
It truly saddens me to read what many women on here (myself included) have had to put up with. Seriously, this is crazy.
Love yourselves more, as Gimlet said.
Yes, I meant leave him.
Yes, I meant leave him.
He is going to end up with those kids fulltime, one way or another and he is going to foist them onto you, he already does.
Everybody has baggage but his is way too much. He doesn't even want to deal with it, why should you?
You have your own kids to raise (not sure how old they are) but they don't deserve this environment, either.
"Normalizing" heroin
"Normalizing" heroin addiction.
I share your pain with the crying child
My grand doesn't just cry, he yells at the tops of his lungs with everything he's got! He also punches, kicks, and spits on his GM and auntie. I think it's related to his mom's mental issues, but it may also have something to do with drugs. In my case I have no clue, but it is like hell on earth in this house.
Yet another "love of my life"
Yet another "love of my life" story with a failed adult, failed parent. Please re-read your original post and formulate advice that you would give to someone who would post that story.
Then... do that.
This guy spawned with a heroin adict.... That pretty much is 3 strikes. He displaces you from your bed so his heroin baby's can sleep there. Just mutiply strikes with infinity for that crap. There is a plethora decidedly non "love of (your) life" abject failure points of character, behavior, etc... that Mr. Wonderful is smacking you in the face with seemingly constantly.
If you can't handle it for under a year there is not a snowballs chance in Hell that this will last... at least happily for you.
The love of your life has all of the wins in this relationship and you have nothing but losses. Those tingly emotions are not effective decisioning tools. Use your brain.
IMHO of course.
Good luck.
Just leave . No guys is good
Just leave . No guys is good enough to put up with this. He's manipulating you. Are you serious? You have no obligation to them. He "almost one year" away from being a stranger.
That man needs to get the
That man needs to get the snip! I seriously hope you're not planning on becoming baby mama #3. He will not change, I promise you. If his own babies bug him then any you have together will too. On all the rest, I am just speechless...
Thank you all for your
Thank you all for your support. He initially agreed to all my stipulations ... And then later that night we had the worst fight we've ever had. I honestly have no intention to marry him any longer. He got shitty drunk and broke his hand punching the freezer while screaming I'm Lucifer. All I said was truth ... I didn't think thru him having twins with a heroin skank next door completely and I'm not going to be a single parent to kids who aren't mine and that I don't see my OWN kids enough (my kids live with my ex right now full time; I'm going to school to get a law degree so I see them when I can). I feel great either way. I said I'm sorry you're unhappy but I'm not upset and I feel great. Free. I told him that he better stop drinking because 7am was gonna come real early and I had no intentions of waking with the rugrats. LOL he had to get up the next day hungover the entire day with a broken hand changing diapers. I told him one of my stipulations was they had to leave at 8pm. The 6yr old goes to bed at 830 and I'm sick of cleaning into the night. So of course he ignored that and told BM 9pm. So I put the 6yr old to bed as normal and the twins were running around screaming bc they had no one to play with. I went into our room and shut the door. He was in bed miserable hungover and broken hand. I went in and said so you've been in bed all day ... Spent no time with the kids. Tell me why you kept them so late? I said if you're going to be in bed then they need to go home to their mother. They're not here to spend time with me and I'm not their caregiver. He told me that If my job was so awful that I could work full time and he'd watch them. I said you'll work full time and when they're here you're also on parenting duty full time ... Know exactly that when you bring them here. I was calm and I got my point thru but all I keep seeing in my head is his face screaming at me calling me names. That was not the person I thought I was marrying. I'm so glad I did this.