Following advice on these forums a few years ago I disengaged with SD21 (she was then 17) and SD28 (then 24).
As it happens they have no real idea that I disengaged as they also disengaged. The youngest did it first and the eldest followed soon after. They both told their father they want nothing more to do with him. His heart was broken ... and mine for him. How can anyone be so hurtful?
Two years ago their grandfather died. They went to see him on his deathbed. He had no idea how they were treating their father or I'm sure he'd have seen them out. At his funeral they were rude. They did speak to their father but didn't even attempt to make eye contact with me. It was as though I was invisible. My OH said he would be letting them know how rude he found their behaviour but I don't believe he ever did.
This week their grandmother died. They were fond of her but had stayed away from her after falling out with their dad. Their grandmother was heartbroken by their lack of contact. Her death was sudden and unexpected. There had been no chance for goodbyes but plenty of time to have visited her out of love if they felt that way. My OH was the apple of his mother's eye. Their treatment of him caused her a lot of pain.
In spite of their treatment of him, my OH still buys presents for them. They never thank him. He wrote a heartfelt letter to them before Christmas. They ignored him. When he contacted them with news of his mother's death the eldest had a go about how long it took him to tell her because he waited until he knew she would be home from work.
Niw all of a sudden they are heartbroken and want input in the funeral arrangements! I realise it's their grandmother but really if they cared that much they should have shown it when she was alive.
How should I handle the funeral? I will be there supporting my OH. His ex wife will be there supporting the kids apparently. I will be ignored and I'm not sure how to handle it. It isn't in my nature to be hostile and to treat them how they have treated me surely makes me as bad as them. However I am more than a little cross with them. How can I pull this off to come out of it the bigger person while showing them up for the brats everyone already knows they are?
Thanks for reading and sorry for long post.