Dealing with DH during disengagement
It appears SD and SSIL and DH have realised that I am disengaging and this morning I was confronted by DH about why I take little to no interest in them and their brats. He is upset that I don’t like the brats, have no time for SD and her demands- the latest of which I confess I lost my temper about (silly me). Let me give you the situation: we were to attend a family event in another state and decided to have a few days either side of the event for holidays about 10 days away in total. It is summer down under and we organised with my BS22 to water the garden, put bins out etc, as it is supposed to be quite hot weather I also said to BS he is welcome to use the swimming pool. We always ask BS to do this as SD and SIL have refused in the past (stay at home mummy is too busy!). This morning I get told that I have to message BS and tell him not to use the pool on Friday (it is to be 44 degrees Celsius) as SD wants to bring the brats to use the pool. I said no, that’s not fair if she can’t share the use of the pool she can’t bring the brats and then world war 3 erupted. DH accused me of hating SD, the kids, the SIL because I don’t play the grandparent game of accepting appalling behaviour, I don’t praise SD for having babies and staying home sitting on her butt whilst expecting everyone run around after her and frankly don’t care if I ever see her again- none of which I have ever said out loud. Apparently SD has been asking why I don’t like her or the brats, wants to spend more time with us but feels I don’t welcome her enough, doesn’t understand why BM upsets me and wishes we could just play happy families (all on her terms mind you). You can look at my other posts for descriptions of her behaviour.
in the end we cancelled our trip and are not attending the family event as I don’t feel up to pretending everything is ok when it’s not.
DH is not speaking to me & I feel as though SD knew if she upset me this would happen. He visited their house yesterday and I bet she primed him to have this argument.
How do I make DH understand I don’t want to be part of this charade?