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Kids Birthday party with his ex and other parents

maba26's picture
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Hey guys,

I am living with my boyfriend of 1,5 year. He has two kids. His young girl (8) will have her birthday party in two weeks. She requested for me to be there so I promised I would come. It's the first birthday party of one of the kids that I will attend.

However, I am super nervous about this social event. Besides the kids, his ex and other parents will be there. As we live in another city, he only knows some of the parents briefly. Most of the parents of the invited kids probably don't even know that my boyfriend and his ex are separated. How would you go about this event? How do I behave in the best way?

I am especially nervous to meet the other parents and have somewhat decent conversations. Also, his ex and I I are kinda uncomfortable around each other. She does not know how to act around me.

 

momjeans's picture

Are you positive you even want to attend this party? I know I wouldn’t if I were you. This sounds like territory dad should navigate on his own. 

You can always celebrate with the child and her dad on another day. 

 

notsurehowtodeal's picture

Why is DH going to a party given by his ex? Why doesn't he have his own party for his daughter? It sounds like it will be uncomfortable for him as well.

If you have been together 1.5 years and live in another city, how could other parents not know that DH and BM are separated?

Curious Georgetta's picture

when you go to a kids event ?

The other parents probably just want their kids to have an enjoyable time and for the event to not last too long

Engage in the same polite chit chat that you would in any obligatory social  event.

Bio mom's friends may be curious about you, but probably not any more than you would be in a  comparable  situation.

 

shamds's picture

I say don’t go but to show appreciation that sd actually wanted you there, just say we can have another one for our family... its hard when you need to explain to the skid that its not gonna be comfortable and that you’re sure her mum wants to spend it with her friends and family etc..

Sandybeaches's picture

Totally agree with notsurehowtodeal...

I am not sure why your BF would go to this party at all, especially since there is distance and it is not right around the corner.  I get along great with my ex and he never once attended a party for my son.  It never even occurred to me to invite him.  He had his own party with his family and I had my own with mine.  

A lot would depend on the Ex and how she felt about the breakup and his moving on for me to attend if I was you.  I would not walk blindly into a possible hornets nest... Just saying.... always have your own back!! 

futurobrillante99's picture

You say that your boyfriend and his ex are separated. Does that mean they are not divorced?

In this case, I would not attend any function with a married man even if he is separated. In my state, during separation, you could still be on the hook for adultery, so it is highly discouraged, even if you're both dating during the separation, to be too public about having a new partner until the divorce is finalized.

I don't know the details of your situation, but I would likely opt for a separate birthday celebration with BF and SD in your town.

Rags's picture

Go.  To everything.  Be on your SO's arm and be radiant.  Radiate your happiness.

Engage with the adults in attendance.  If BM engages, then engage with her reasonably.  If she doesn't then give her space.
 

If she gets obtuse, then call her on her crap immediately in front of everyone.

Enjoy your life.

 

 

MissDenise's picture

Is his ex just a gf he had 2 kids with? Or are they separated awaiting the divorce? Since you've been living with him 1.5 years I'm assuming she was just a girlfriend. Honestly, I would have had this conversation before moving in with him. As the "couple" who I assume are planning a future together... birthdays, and other holidays shouldn't be spend with BM, or her family.  Like most couples I would think you'll plan your own celebrations at your home. The court papers give the holidays and birthdays etc. so it's pretty well spelled out. OP I would have a talk with him because this isn't a road you want to go down. 

 

Ispofacto's picture

Since you've been a couple for 1.5 years, it seems likely that BM knows about you.  If the SD8 wasn't too afraid of BM to invite you, it's possible the BM is reasonable.  Go if you want, but make sure you have cash for an Uber if things go south.  Don't get into any arguments with anyone, or you could end up with an Retraining Order taken out against you.

You are too classy to lower yourself to drama, if drama happens make your exit.

 

Dani01's picture

I was in the same boat last year, with a high conflict BM. She had tried her best to break us up, and hated me... then turned up on my doorstep with the kids and they handed me an invite to SD2 's party. She appeared to be putting on a good act, but while at my house brought up that my man actually wanted her back etc... a load of #$&. 

Anyway, I decided not to attend, as she is very volatile and I didnt feel comfortable going to her property, let alone a party on her turf.

Turns out it was a good decision, as my man attended and she said "I knew she wouldn't come. Probably a good thing anyway cause I don't know what my family would have said to her". It was a trap.

Trust your gut instinct!