Girlfriend does not want her son to be disciplined
Been with my girlfriend about 2-2.5 years. When we first moved in last year it was a pretty smooth transition. Her 4 year old son at the time listened and acted great. He was eager to learn new things and help us with anything we would let him.
Since about last October her and the step son have decided that they no longer want to listen or do anything I ask them too. He won't clean his room, brush his teeth or do anything we ask of him now. He instead talks back and tells us what he is going to do and tells us what we have to do. My girlfriend defends him now. If I tell him to go to his room or pick up his toys before I take them away and put them where he can't get to them to play with them he throws a fit and crys, and once the tears start it's very difficult to get him to stop unless you give him what he wants.
His mom has told me that his biological father doesn't believe in disciplining children and that I'm not being fair to her child by making him follow different rules at my house. I told her that he needs to listen or they could leave. It has been hell ever since. I had found my cell phone broken, tools from the garage thrown in the back yard and left outside. I do have a small shop in the garage and have explained to everyone for the kids safety I don't want him in the garage. She allows him to go out there during the day when I'm at work. He knocks things over and his mom always tells me that I'm not being fair.
He sticks his fingers in other people's food at the dinner table drinks everyone's drinks and refuses to drink his. If I try to explain to him why it's wrong to do that she defends him and tells me to chill out. She cooks two separate meals at night one for him and one for us. I've explained to her we can make stuff he likes or let him help cook dinner but I want him to eat what's on his plate. We've now got to the point where I stay to myself and let her deal with the kid. He is starting to do the same thing to her and now she is telling me the problem with his attitude is because I don't spank him when he acts out. I explained to her that she needs to have my back when I verbally correct him before I start spanking him. I'm afraid that if I spank him that she will later on say I was over reacting or being abusive.
Recently she came to me asking about having a child together. I don't feel comfortable with this idea at all. Is she going to argue with me about how to raise my own child? Is this behavior typical with family's that have step children? I'm out of ideas as far as trying to get her on the same page as me about teaching kids right from wrong and teach him to be responsible.