I raised my 14 yr old sd from age 5-10. Her mom kept her one summer and we got her back 3 yrs ago. She left loving me and calling me mom and came back hating me and writing how she wants me dead and wrote she wanted to kill me. I dealt with that by taking her to the doctor on base and then counseling.

I knew she still hated me. She just learned not to write it in planners and notebooks. This past Feb my husband was on a 3 week military assignment. I took her ipod and asked for her password. I told her I knew she was going on myspace and facebook and her dad didn't allow her to. I went on her facebook and read all the profanity she wrote about me. Her and her mom were laughing back and forth writing things and her mom tellin her not to take my "s--t". They called me ugly troll, "f---in b--ch" other things. She wrote sleezy emails to a friend about wanting to "f--k" this boy but no skinny penises were going in her lady business. I emailed all this stuff to her dad who talked to her on the phone and said he would talk to her when he got back. It's been 3 months and they haven't talked about it. I took everything away from her except her clothes in Feb.

We got in a HUGE fight this whole past weekend because of Abby. He doesn't understand why she can't sleep over at a friend's house. He said she's been grounded 3 months. I said Abby knows he didn't do anything. I'm the one who took everything away which makes her hate me more. He let her get away with calling me names. I don't curse at all. She didn't either before she went to her mom's.

Her mom tried to sue for custody in Jan. But she messed up and wrote in the papers she wanted child support for Abby, another sibling, and 2 kids my husband adopted but have emancipated themselves by moving out. When our lawyer brought up all the lies, she didn't want it going to court and made a deal with my husband for her to pay airfare for abby. My husband called with good news that we get to keep Abby. That's real good. It's like a jail sentence for me. Her mom made her into this trash- talking hateful child but I have to deal with it.

My husband is upset because he says I want him to choose between her and me. I explained she's got a mom who changed her and why should I have to deal with what her mom did. He says fine he will let her go if I let my oldest 2 that he adopted go to my mom's house. My kids dad died when I was pregnant with the 2nd one. I don't have a crazy ex in the picture turning them into hateful kids. He adopted my kids and they only know him as dad. My kids have never written they want him dead or hate him.

I feel like crying all the time. My husband and I fight so much. He knows she wants to live there and he knows I want her to go but he wants to keep her because he loves her. He blames me for her wanting to go. But, I'm not the one who made her forget the first 5 yrs.

My sd's mom has tried to run my husband over in the past, has tried to commit suicide. Her grandpa on that side was a diagnosed skitzophrenic and convicted child molester. Other family members on her mom's side have been suicidal or crazy by hurting others so when Abby made threats against me , of courst I take it seriously even though the doctors and my husband doesn't. Are they going to wait until I end up on the news like other families have when their kids kill them? My husband does go away, not often but sometimes for a couple of weeks and I don't want abby here without him when she hates me and our kids and probably our new baby girl.

Does anybody else have custody of their sd and a psycho ex who causes trouble? How do you deal with it without it effecting your happiness and trying to be a good parent to your other kids? I really really want her to go to her mom's. I want her to go for summer visitation and hopefully she doesn't come back. Maybe her mom will do what she did that one summer and keep her again.