Starting to resent the child.
So this is my first post and I am at my wit's end. My SS is 6 and I am starting to really dislike him. I don't want to. I love him and his sister but he is a pain. He runs our house and dad seems to not see it. He hits everyone including me. He does not listen to me at all. We have his children 50% of the time and when they are with us I always contemplate how much more I can take. I can't get him to clean up anything. My house is currently a wreck, which seems to be the case when they come. I try to let dad parent but he doesn't. Homeowrk is rarely done. Bedtime is a joke. The 6 yo stills sleeps with us, which I absolutley hate. I am lost. I don't know if I should continue this relationship or not. The sad part is I love his daughter she is a great kid and I feel like she takes a backseat and has to pick up the slack from her brother. Sometimes I feel stupid for staying. I haver a 15 year old and I would never have let her hit me or talk to me the way he does. Any guidance would be appreciated.
My SD is also
With us half the time and I feel the exact same way. A week away from her seems way too short and it feels like it's never much of a break anyway because I spend the week she's gone dreading her return. She also runs our house and I feel like we all have to center our lives around her. Wish I had some guidance for you, just wanted to say I can relate
I wish I wasn't so miserable
I wish I wasn't so miserable when they are there but it's getting bad. My daughter doesn't like his son either bc of the way he acts. Everything I read says not to discipline your skids but how do you handle one that is hitting and constantly disrespecting you?
It's not the child's fault.
It's not the child's fault. Permissive parenting/lack of parenting is the issue. Children are not born knowing how to behave. Now, of course the child could have an underlying behavioral issue (again.. if the kid has this it's not his fault but parent needs to get the child the proper therapy to give the child the help that is needed).
Unfortunately these situations are very frustrating because you can't care "more" than the parent and parents often take any criticism of their child badly. It is VERRY hard to explain to a bio parent that their kid is acting like a turd without insulting them and making them overly defensive of their little cupcake. The only way that I have seen it work successfully and this isn't a guaranty, is to try to address it as if you want to help the child. "Honey, I'm so worried that little bobby isn't going to have friends if he doesn't learn how to share better.. or to not have his own way all the time". " Bobby will have a much easier time at life if he learns how to appropriately deal with disappointment" "Gosh I love little Bobby, but those that don't know him like we do might not because they will be unable to see past his behaviors).
I agree 100% that it isn't
I agree 100% that it isn't the childs fault. He is just doing what his dad is allowing. I have said something to him like that and he just gives the excuse that he is 6 or he will try to bring up anything he can to take the subject away from his son. Another thing that concerns me is his son's obsession with knieves and killing little reptiles. I honestly don't know if that is something to worry about or if it is just a boy thing. I j ust know I am ready to pack up and leave.
How can you be
With a man who treats you that way ???? That is the question!! You are at fault for allowing this to happen to you !!
I definitely am not on the
I definitely am not on the "can't discipline skids" bandwagon. If a child is hitting me, you can bet your a*s he is going to be told in no uncertain terms that hitting is unacceptable. I don't usually dish out the actual punishments to skids (to be fair, they are pretty good and listen to me when I tell them to do/not do something, so punishment isn't usually needed), my SO does that part. I would say, you have nothing left to lose by sitting your DH down and telling him that things have GOT to change. That you are unhappy, and starting to feel resentful about having to clean up after skids, and that a child hitting you is not acceptable. And like ESMOD said, he won't have friends if he hits, and hitting is not allowed at school anyway...it's up to you both to teach him manners and how to act around others. And it's time for basic rules around the house- cleaning up, etc, with punishments if it doesn't happen. SS starts sleeping alone, as sleeping with you both is not healthy for your relationship and not helping him become independent. Also, you're a SM, it's not a good situation to be co-sleeping with a SS... if BM decides to give you grief about that, it could end up very badly. If you lay it all out there and he still doesn't step up, well, at least you tried. You can then make your decision about whether to go or stay.
When I moved in with my SO 2+ years ago, things were night and day from how they are now. Skids had no chores, house was a pigsty, no one cleaned up after themselves including my SO, skids walked into our bedroom when they wanted. It was ridiculous. Within a year I realized if we were going to stay together, things were going to change. I talked to my SO about feeling resentful having to pick up after skids, and do all the housework. We made a chore chart (he wasn't exactly resistant, but he certainly wasn't taking the steps to make it happen either). We made a rule skids have to knock on our bedroom door first, and only then if it is an emergency. They never even knock now. It has improved immensely, and honestly, all of these things saved our relationship. I also talk to skids myself when they aren't doing something they should be, etc. I have to have some control or I would go crazy. I would take some of your control back! You live there, you are their SM, you have a right to be happy, and you should do what you need to do to get there!
This is how I felt when I
This is how I felt when I moved in. I was all about trying to fix the situation. I made a chore chart, sat down with the kids and even offered a reward system for chores done, even though I am a firm believer in you help with house without expecting anything in return. I have tried to get DH on board with him sleeping in his room but it is ignored. I want to talk to him about everything but he typically blows it off and nothing is done. I feel like he doesn't want his son to hate him. He wants to be the "favorite" parent. I am definitly going to talk to him again and this time it may be my last. Thank you for your advice it is nice to know you are not alone.
Put that kid over your knee
Put that kid over your knee and blister his ass! Then give his ear a twist and march him to the nearest corner and plant his nose in it until you get tired. One peep out of him or his nose loses contact with either intersecting wall and you swat his butt.
Lather, rinse, repeat.