Of course.. as soon as they come live with us full time DH goes back on 80% of his promises
Soooooo effing ready to just leave and never look back..
About 4 months ago I posted on here how BM is at it again.. found a house 1.5 hours away from the community the kids have always called home and she is moving. Gave the skids the "Choice to pick" where they want to live.. Skids wouldn't verbally committ to anything. Just would not say anything other than, "we like 50/50 shared parenting - the way it is and don't want that to change".. ugh.
The battles went back and forth between DH and BM.. 4 months worth. She said no 50/50 schedule in the summer if the kids have sports as she won't take them to practice, conditioning, etc. in our community - its too much running. She will see them every other weekend.. she wants custody, but can't fight for them.. all over the place battles constantly between DH and BM that were absolutley exhausting and got us nowhere and nothing solved.
6 weeks ago it was our week to have the kids.. during that week, BM and her hubbykins packed up and moved and when it was time to give the skids back to her.. nope, she moved and can't take them.. WTF?
Next round of battles was trying to get her to agree to see them every other weekend and what are the drop off/pick up times.... OMG!!!
Of course, being the step mom.. I am just drug along through all the bullshit with no power, not control, no input.. nothing. I don't even want these kids full time! They don't like me or my daughter and I don't like them! They are pains in the asses, have more issues with regards to shitty behavior and total entitlement.. ugh, I could list 1000 things about these kids that would make you want to strangle them. A week at a time was almost more than I could take.
So, when all of this BM moving away crap started I knew what was coming. I sat DH down and said, "look, I need things from you to make this ok with me - meaning if we get full custody, some things need addressed and changed with these boys"... He was all in agreement, and assuring.. now, all of that crap is right out the window.
I feel like (and correct me if I am wrong) if these kids are my responsibility FULL TIME in every way - and let me say right now, I make more than DH and BM is paying nothing since she moved, so who is picking up the financial slack here because DH can't support all thier shit (sports, camps, equpiment, extra food)?? ME.. I feel like I should have a lot more control and input into this life/family and all that goes on.
Conversations about rules are had without me. Conversations about sports, camps, tounaments are discussed between DH and the kids and they are signed up and I am told about them after the fact.
I feel like my life is not mine now.. that, he is a single dad and I am here to fill in the blanks and help out, but not really part of the management team.
I'm pissed, frustrated and the more I complain and stand up for myself, the more I am alienated and ignored.
Yep - we had discussed all of
Yep - we had discussed all of these activities prior to BM's abandonment and it was cool.. Then she bails and he still proceeds with it even though she is supposed to pay half and isn't.
The circumstances changed and we needed to discuss how we were going to manage the budget - so far, that talk hasn't happened either.
No shit, we have spent close to 1000 on groceries this month - did I mention about 200 of this is supplements (protein, whey, creatine shake mix) for sk14 to "bulk up".. are you fucking kidding me?
It's not even that I am pissed about spending on the skids, but can we just have a talk about these things first.. Can you please just extend this common courtesy...?
And then there is the fact that DH works from home and guess what..? Now that the skids are there FULL TIME and need ran all over the freaking planet, DH is not working.. seriously, maybe he puts in a solid hour of work per day, if that? How can you sell anything when you aren't working?
I know, right? He is
I know, right? He is working out/conditioning for football 3 times a week with the team. His body type is just that wiry skinny type.. he isn't big and the potential isn't there. Seriously, there are no less than 5 types of pre-work out, post-work out, energy boost, etc. types of crap in the cabinet and I am like WTF?
The talk needs to happen.. unfortunately, I have a feeling all hell is going to break loose, but it's necessary.
GET A SEPARATE ACCOUNT, like
GET A SEPARATE ACCOUNT, like yesterday. If he chooses to not go for CS from BM, then that is on HIM. He shouldn't figure that YOU will be his backup.
Kind of hard to do when we
Kind of hard to do when we have a shared account and everything direct deposits.
This would have to be the
This would have to be the last option. Because, seriously.. in my opinion, if you can't amicably share finances together and not be screwed by the other person then you need to leave...
I'm not one to believe in blending families half assed - hence the reason I am pissed at DH's antics.
It's ours - not you and your kids, me and my kid and then "ours"... bullshit.
Just my opinion.. and how I think it should work.
IMO, you are doing all of the
IMO, you are doing all of the blending and not your DH.
YOUR DH is hardly working now so why the blending theory sounds good on paper but in reality YOU are pulling the load not him.
I would say 75% of the people on here have learned that having a joint account for household expenses and each individual parent paying for THEIR childs expenses works best.
Lots of step parents have ended up paying for all the household expenses, all of the kids and stepkids expenses, gifts, sports fees, etc and have went broke in the process.
Without having any authority over the children that they are supporting. YOUR decision.
"if you can't amicably share
"if you can't amicably share finances together..." - so how's the amicable sharing going for ya so far?
also since that's how you think it should work - IS it working?
yes, i agree things should be shared. but he's not sharing. he's working an hour a day and blowing the family's hard earned bill money on supplements and extracurriculars, without so much as running it by the Woman Of The House for her support? that's not sharing. you dont have a problem with transparency and co-financing family support and activities, it very much sounds like HE does.
discussing things, agreeing to things, then going 'back' on them - sounds like you've already exhausted other options...
seriously, hun, as the woman of the house, you need to protect ALL the family and make sure the NEEDS are taken care of (food on the table, bils paid, and financial stability are all needs - supplements and football conditioning are wants...). your DH has created the problem, so you need financial damage control until he can pull his head out of his backside.
(((hugs)))
Then you need to leave
Then you need to leave because, honey, HE IS screwing you, financially!
I would drag DH by the nose
I would drag DH by the nose through filing for CS against BM including direct payroll withholding. Nail her ass to the wall then require that DH's check direct deposit to a household account. Pay the bills from his income and keep yours for you and your kids. If he wants to play the no discussion game regarding household expenditures then you damned well should win that game.
After all he is supposed to be the man and breadwinner right???
IMHO of course.
Oh, believe me.. I looked up
Oh, believe me.. I looked up how to file that motion, filled it out, had him sign it and take it to the court to get added to the hearing. There is NO WAY IN HELL she is getting off the hook financially.
Everything direct deposits - his check, my check, my child support.. all of it. All goes into the same pot.. so will the support for his kids..
Oh, did I also mention, BM told us she might be "getting laid off"..?
I swear I am going to lose it. She is playing games big time.
And yes, he is supposed to be the "breadwinner".. another issue. He left a job making damn good money this year because he couldn't stand the atmosphere (it was suffocating) to go work a sales job.. His ass has been there 6 months and made maybe 3 sales.. His days are spent at home, catering to his boys and running them all over the place for sports. No time for work it seems.
You might not believe in
You might not believe in "seperating accounts" but it might be the very thing that wakes your DH up!!! Just saying...
Yep - it probably is the only
Yep - it probably is the only thing that will remove his head from his ass.. I'm just afraid of the fall out, that's all.. it will open up a big ol' fight when really, I am already worn down from all the BS with BM
Why should there be fall
Why should there be fall out?
I pay for me and mine. You pay for you and yours. How can that not be the epitome of fairness?
Thank you. I agree, with
Thank you. I agree, with this, but again.. it's fear and frustration.
I'm afraid of the fight because I'm worn out and I'm frustrated that it has come to this..
" in my opinion, if you can't
" in my opinion, if you can't amicably share finances together and not be screwed by the other person then you need to leave..."
Well I guess it's time to leave as he's screwing you over big time. Why sit there and take it? He is using you BIG time. Quit being a victim. You don't have to accept this.
Why, why, why would you let someone take advantage of you like this?
I do share finances with my DH. And I'm the one with the money. But the day he tells me that he is going to blow my money on his son is the day he gets zero access to my money.
This all just started, I'm
This all just started, I'm not being the victim. I'm pissed that it happened and came here for advice - which I am happy to be recieving and it will be used, believe me.
We were in agreement on the sports and camps, but when BM bailed financially it was automatically assumed I would be the one to pick up the slack - uh no. Not cool.
Now he's blowing $$ on shit - expensive shit - and not having the courtesy to discuss it with me. Again - not cool.
I am pissed at him for this.. its wrong to just assume I would do all this for his kids.. then there is the part of me that thinks "why should the kids miss out because of thier mom being a piece of shit?"
The thing is, I am more than willing to help and do whatever it takes for OUR family - when it's OUR family.. we blended families, right? Well.... kinda.
The fights went back and
The fights went back and forth between DH and BM.. 4 months worth. She said no 50/50 routine during summer months time season if the kids have sports as she won't take them to exercise, training, etc.
Cary Personal Training
He is using you.
He is using you.