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Am I overthinking?

jennmarie42083's picture

Please let me know if I am being overdramatic. So Tuesday was my boyfriends bday and his ex sent him a text saying "happy bday old man." Then proceeds to ask him if she can drop a present off for him from the kids. She waits for him for an hour just to drop it off. It is a bottle of cologne. Now at first I thought that was nice of her to put their issues aside for the children but then the girlfriend in me was like that was a little too expensive and intimate for a kind gesture between parents. She has been known to weasel her way back in when she is done with the new guy and has nowhere to go. So I'm wondering if that is the case now.

amyburemt's picture

That's a wierd one. On one hand I think it's good that she had a present from the kids for him but on the other I think there is more value in a  present that is made by the kids instead of a bottle of cologne. Maybe just keep an eye on her behavior. 

jennmarie42083's picture

That is the plan. I just have a weird suspicion there is more behind it. This time last year she didn't even send a text.

stepmom123456's picture

if the gift was from the kids why did the kids not give it to him? she didn't have to! weird! 

Lemon65's picture

Also, instead of texting him to say Happy Birthday, why didn't she have the kids call him? She does seem to be inserting herself.

jennmarie42083's picture

That was my thoughts. I have now asked him that she not come to our house unless there is an emergency with the kids. The gift could have waited.

jennmarie42083's picture

agreed.

justmakingthebest's picture

My kids buy presents for their dad and stepmom (ok, so they pick out and I buy). Ex and SM also send presents "from the kids" to DH and I. One year my kids really wanted to get their dad cologne. They wanted to know what he used to wear (we were together for 11 years)-  I refused to buy that. They had to come up with a different gift. That make me feel weird. They went for football team stuff instead. 

I agree that cologne is a personal gift. Also the fact that she said the gift was from her (and the kids). That is just a nope all the way around. Whatever it was should have just been sent with the kids on the next visitation. 

jennmarie42083's picture

I too have bought presents for my childs father and it is always to do with her. Never anything personal.

SonOfABrisketMaker's picture

The first hannukah we had all the kids I went allllllllll out. Nice gifts every night, put lights f*cking everywhere, elaborate meals 5 of the 8 nights. At New Years SD(then)10 brought over a "thank you" gift for DH for the wonderful holiday we had. Candle, chocolates and wine. Yeah, sure, BM. I totally believe this romantic NYE gift was from SD. Get your a$$ on with that petty, underhanded sh!t.

jennmarie42083's picture

Exactly. No more visits to our house when I am not home unless it is an emergency. 

Mrs Fireball's picture

I wouldn't be okay with that. Medusa has texted DH "happy birthday" but never got him a gift. Ewww. 

jennmarie42083's picture

It wasnt just her getting a gift. It was coming to my house while I am at work. Getting him a personal gift. Sad thing is she was married to him for 10 years and she got him cologne that he will not wear. He hates cologne

 

Babybmommy's picture

I'd be suspicious of her true intentions, this sounds like she's interested in more than just peaceful coparenting! Your not overreacting to this at all. I'd want him to message her back saying he has no romantic interest in her and see what she says.

jennmarie42083's picture

Right now we are just ignoring it. He said if she ever asks to come to our house again he will tell her she is not welcome.

Chelsearg's picture

I don’t think it’s normal to give cologne as a gift and to deliver it so personally. Hubby would have binned it. In fact he wouldn’t have even allowed ex near him to receive it. Step son picks his own gifts for dad when he’s at his mums or we got birthday shopping together when he is here. I think perfume is a personal gift, one of those things that when you wear it, it reminds you of memories and maybe even who got it for you. Ex use to send SS here wearing her perfume! It was crazy! Lucky she’s an old hag and the poor kid smelt like a nana so it wasn’t flattering at all haha. 

MissTexas's picture

Clearly, this is what is going on. Cologne is a somewhat intimate gift, and what child chooses that for daddy?

Scents have the ability to conjur up distinct memories...I would be wondering about that.

It would get poured down the drain or toilet if I were in your shoes. "OOPS! I spilled it, so sorry!"

Notup4it's picture

That is suspect at best. Cologne is a very intimate gift as well. I think YOU should get BM perfume for her birthday from the kids... go pick it out with them and drop it off to her YOURSELF. Lol. 

I would certainly keep an eye out on this one

Gucci's picture

We don’t play that game anymore. I am the woman in the house, and I handle Daddy’s birthday. I have the kids make cards and take them to pick something out when they are with us. Father’s Day too. I get so pissed when she tries to insert herself there. Not anymore, hoe. I don’t do it for my ex husband, and we don’t do it for her. Family members need to worry about that for the others. 

Curious Georgetta's picture

the ex's motivation was in giving the gift? What would be of concern would be your partner 's response to receiving the gift.

If he seemed to view as a gift from his kids and nothing more then it is a non issue. If he viewed it as an intimate gift not from the kids but from the ex and as a gift that had a special meaning for him  then you might have cause for concern.

 

fakemommy's picture

Why does it matter what her intentions are? No one, other than me and my husband, matters to my relationship with my husband. If you don't feel threatened in your relationship, why not just laugh it off and move on?

amy070677's picture

My idea mimmicks what is already said, but I know that I believe that if the ex has a partner such as yourself it is your place to buy him a gift from the kids, not her. Same as I wouldnt take my kids to get their dad something it is his new wife's place to do that. My husband wanted to get his ex something from his daughter the first year they were split for xmas. He got something cheaper though and she said thanks but I didn't get you anything. Over the years when she has been single he thinks we should get her something from their daughter because she has no one. I said she has a mom. She has never acknowledged one holiday for him I am not spending our money on her. It's just easier not to start that stuff especially if his ex has no boundaries. I am glad when you spoke to him he supported your concerns. That is a very good sign.