You are here

Other People's Irritating Comments

gingerworth's picture

OK -- I'm 42, married to a man (for 4 years) who has a son from a previous relationship. They were never married, but lived together until their son was about 3. They split up and have been co-parenting ever since. She married rather quickly after their relationship ended (and they have a son). My husband had never married until I came along. My stepson just turned 18.

Honestly, I really like my husband's ex. She's funny. The stepdad tends to step on my husband's toes on occasion and they've had some problems over the years. But overall, everybody has done an amazing job at putting my stepson first. When I throw a birthday party for him, we invite his mom and stepdad (and vice-versa). Everybody gets along. I don't have any complaints.


Why does EVERYBODY keep suggesting to me that we shouldn't be able to have this existence? It's so IRRITATING!! When I recently mentioned to a friend that I was going to my stepson's half-brother's bday party, she looked at me and said, "Wow. That's amazing that you do that." Why? Because I shouldn't be able to be in the same room with a woman who was with my husband ... 15 years ago? If I had any weird feelings about that, they sure would be resolved by now (one would hope) - 5 years into our relationship.

I just threw a graduation party for my stepson. His mom, stepdad, brother, grandpa, grandma were here, along with some of my family and some of my husband's family. My brother-in-law was showing me photos from the party. He got to a picture of my step-son's parents. *gasp!* in the same photo! *gasp!* STANDING NEXT TO EACH OTHER!! And he says, "Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to take a picture of them."

So, I guess I'm not really asking for advice here. I'm just venting because OTHER people seem to have a problem - - as if we're the first blended family in America. What the heck!?!?! Is this common?

buttercookie's picture

Not all couples fight and its good all of you get along, if it weren't for a lot of psycho birth parents trying to get revenge on the other parent for whatever reason the world and the kids would be far better off. I think the fact you all get along is great and I wouldn't let others feelings or thoughts bother you one bit, I think they are just jealous they themselves can't behave with tact like you all are.

gingerworth's picture

Thanks so much. I really do count my blessings -- my stepson made it easy for me when I came into the picture. He was almost 14 and wanted his father to be with someone. And when my husband told him we were getting married, his response was "About time, Dad." Haha!

And, yes, I'm really really lucky that his mom is so great.

The problems that happened between the families were always about my stepson. In particular, "punishment." The other house tended to be really strict about grades. If there was a "bad" grade (and by that, I mean a "B-"), they'd want to ground him. My husband and I believe that if you ground a kid for everything (which they wanted to), it stops meaning anything to the kid. But there probably isn't a right or wrong in this situation, just different ideas.

Nobody was going all Charlie Sheen or anything.

At my SS's graduation, someone was taking a picture of all of us (mom, dad, stepdad, stepson and me) and just as the camera clicked, someone else yelled out, "Such an L.A. family!" (we're in L.A.). And I thought, "Was that called for?" Seriously. There are families just like this ALL OVER AMERICA. It bothered me and I'm sure my stepson didn't need to hear that at such a special time in his life. You would think that in L.A., of all places, I wouldn't constantly hear how "strange" this family is.

Sorry. Again, I know how lucky I am.

lovebounderies's picture

Honestly that's how my parents & step-parents were & still are. I completely caught off guard by these problems I'm having with my sk's bm's. I didn't grow up like this I still have a relationship with my sm. My sd passed away but we still had a relationship up until his death. So all this drama is crazy & new to me. I would love to be able to have a honest friendship with them. Their the ones with the hidden agendas & back stabbing that makes it hard to.

gingerworth's picture

Wow, lovebounderies... I guess sometimes people never get over the hurt feelings (or they are just downright batsh!t crazy). It's good that you grew up with a better situation. My husband has a friend who has a really, really bad situation with his ex (and they have a son). She withholds visitations to get even - all that stuff. It's ridiculous. She's even re-married - - and she and my husband's friend split up YEARS ago. Why the drama?