X-wife and husband's family
I have been dealing with my husband's x-wife and her family being invited to EVERY family party on my husband's side. I have been going to these events (birthday parties, graduations, weddings, etc) for nieces and nephews for over 9 years. The last straw was this past June... we attended a nephews wedding and they had a picture display board. On that board was two pictures of the x-wife with my husband's family and not ONE of me or my husband. I decided at that point that unless it had to do directly with my step-children, I would not attend any events EVER. My step-son and daughter-in-law announced to the whole family that they were expecting a baby. My husband's whole family went on, and on, on how they couldn't believe my husband and his x-wife were going to be grandparents. After minutes, my husband could see how uncomfortable I was with the situation, and stated that he couldn't believe that I was going to be a grandma too. This is a constant thing with his family. I've spoken freely to my family about this, and they back me up 100% stating they wouldn't have done it that long. They have taken my husband into the family and he CONSTANTLY goes on long golf weekends with my brothers/uncles/cousins, so I know they accept my husband as he's one of them. My problem is now, that there's a baby shower being thrown for the step-son, the problem is, is that it's at the x-wife's house. This is causing a HUGE problem for me and my husband because me (or my family) does not feel comfortable going to her house. I feel they could have had it at any other place except her house, and I would have went, but I do not feel comfortable AT ALL going to her house. I told my husband that I feel I should just throw them a small shower at our house for my family, and he states I should "suck it up" and go. (Did I mention that the invitation came to {my name}, Aunt {my daughter's name} and Aunt {my daughter-in-laws name}, they don't even recognize me as a grandma). HELP....I think throwing a shower is the way to go, because I can't keep giving into his x-wife and his family thinking it's OKay to keep hanging out as though they're still married. I can't keep doing this, can anyone help me?
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The invite calling your
The invite calling your daughters aunt while leaving your title off says volumes. It's not so much that DH's family continues to have a relationship (although this seems excessive) but they don't accept you into your rightful place and even dis your DH, too. (the picture thing)
Even though they are jerks (I know I have 'em too) the real issue is going to be with your DH. You may have to wean away gradually since he obviously thinks this situation is OK. Don't let it wreck your marriage!
I don't think you should
I don't think you should feel obligated to attend at BM's house. Quite frankly, IMO, I don't think any SM should feel obligated to attend a function with a BM. In my mind, divorce severs the tie between a BM and DH (with the exception of skids). Besides, it sounds like they're adult skids now anyway. If it were me, I'd send a nice gift along with another attendee to deliver in my place with a card, offering your appologies for not being able to attend due to a conflict of schedule. I don't think I would have had the stamina to join in events with BM for 9 years! It sounds as if DH's family has made their decision, now you must make yours.
I say throw your own baby
I say throw your own baby shower with your family! I too have to see my husbands ex at all family functions and its very uncomfortable for me. I would have my own shower with my family and any friends that know your ss.
Wow, ten years ago my ex
Wow, ten years ago my ex husband left me for another woman and guess what happened there. I was the one that couldn't go to any of the family events on his side anymore because his new wife was going to be there. Even though his family loves me for being the first wife and the mother of my husband's children I was the one who was forced out of the family because of her. So just be thankful that you can go to these types of events. I know it's awkward but she is the mother of his children. So just try to put yourself in her shoes, what would you do? But I definitely agree with everyone here, you should throw a babyshower own baby shower with your family
Wow goforit. That IS the
Wow goforit. That IS the classy thing to do. It's the right thing to do. Why should a 2nd wife have to deal with all of the uncomfortable moments/events? It's just not right, IMO. I applaud you!!!
That's exactly what I ended
That's exactly what I ended up doing anyways. I detached myself and just didn't have any communication with them. I see where you are going with this but it's still a very hard thing to go through as an ex and as a step parent with bio kids.
I would tell SS and DIL that
I would tell SS and DIL that you would like to throw your own party for them with H and your side. Do it will DH sitting in the same room, or within ear shot. DH will say his peice I am sure but let SS and DIL say theres.
I think it is better for everyone, not just you, that the parties be seperate.
Honestly...start throwing
Honestly...start throwing your own parties. We have this issue with the BM - she is the EX wife...EX means EX - ties should be severed. Move on. They have their own family and if they remarry they will have a new family. I do not do the whole "first wife, second wife title..." There is only one wife when a couple is married. bottom line. I do not do the whole, "They love you because you are the mother of the children..." uh - a woman he could have had a one night stand and could be the freaking mother of the children...who cares? You are their son's WIFE...they should respect the son. BM in my case used to come into the house every drop off and would NOT leave...she'd get a drink...check the calendar...turn on the TV...it was so annoying. So we made it impossible for that to happen...we are now forced to pick up the children and drop them off to keep her from coming in - sometimes annoyingly she just "stops" in to hang out with FMIL - she's a biotch too and LOOVVEESSSSS hanging out with BM just to get to me...we just leave when she stops over...whether she has the kids or not...it's not our time with them and she has no business being there. We have seperate everything for the kids. They have bday parties with us and DH's family together...(No BM Family - they now have their own parties) everything is separate. You need to do the same...Just make it clear ya'll will be hosting everything for now on...you control who comes into your home...and if BM is invited to a family thing...don't go - you are your husband stay home...when someone asks - be forward. Tell them the issue.