Not adjusting to blended family life
Has anyone found it difficult to adjust to stepfamily life, or called it quits after failing to adjust?
Dd, ds and I moved in with my partner and his ds 3 years ago. All the children are teens. I am finding it very difficult to settle into this life and I am going through phases of wanting to get out of this arrangement and moving back into my old house.
Other half and I have had a lot of ups and down since all living together. Some good times and some really tough times, so a real roller coaster. We nearly called it quits several times in the past but always seem to get back on track, things get better and the cycle goes on.
There are various reasons for me not settling. It is not my house and I struggle to feel like it is my home. I am not sure I will ever shake this feeling off.
The kids were brought up with different house rules and values, mine being stricter, and I struggle with that. The teens barely lift a finger, I would like to get them to do a bit more around the house but dp is a lot more relaxed and just picks up after them (mostly his ds as mine comply a lot more) to avoid conflict. They are all between 15 and 17 and I can see all three being at home in their 20s and me still doing the bulk of the chores. I really feel good habits should be implemented by now and they should help a lot more.
I also find it hard to warm to ss, even though I have known him for years now. We do get on, aren't conflicting, but I guess I find t hard to live with a nearly young adult who doesn't help out. Mine are a bit more helpful and aren't perfect either, but I can put my foot down or be honest with them about them slacking while I don't feel I can be straight forward with ss. A bit like, I can't tell him off because he is not my ds.
I just feel unsettled and confused and it is not going away after months, even years. When things are good with dp, he is supportive, however when we hit a rough patch, the atmosphere is awful. Part of me wishes we had stuck to living separately. I don't know if I should suck it up and get on with it or follow my inner instinct. I have been confused for months now and some days, it really affects my mental health.
I have read the thread on launching lazy young adults but I can't see this being implemented as bf would never agree to such strict rules. Maybe the issue is partly the living altogether, partly not having my own place.