Is this normal?
I've known SS7 since he was 4. He used to be a sweet, quiet, respectful boy who was fun to be around. In the past month or so, we are noticing a dramatic change in his behavior. He talks constantly, occasionally emits a really loud, piercing scream (and then says he was just "excited") and he is incredibly fresh and rude to DH and me. He responds to everything we say with "NO" or an argument, even over the stupidest, most basic things. I get the brunt of it because I've never taken a strong disciplinary role -- so when DH is away, I'm SS's target. I honestly can't stand to be around him.
I don't have kids of my own. Is this normal 7-year old boy behavior?
On a totally unrelated side note, I spent this entire weekend helping SD5, dressing her, playing with her, skiing with her, ice skating with her, consoling her when she was crying, talking to her about things she was worried about, going to meals alone with her (while DH worked on "talking" to SS7 about his behavior). Last night, right before she went to bed, she drew a picture of DH holding hands with his ex-wife (her mom), SS7 and the DOG. I didn't make it into the picture, which she titled "My Family" and wanted to put on the fridge at my house (something she has never requested before). DH's response: "It's beautiful, honey. Put it in my bag and I'll bring it to work." Obviously it wasn't going on the fridge, but still. Being a stepmom absolutely sucks.
I really feel for you and
I really feel for you and can relate. It does suck and yes, we feel like "outsiders."
I am now officially ss5's new target too.
What do you think dh will do with the 'family' drawing?
I don't know about the
I don't know about the occasionally emitted "loud, piercing scream" but sadly , the rest sounds like a kid trying to insert himself and testing his boundaries with you guys. I've been dealing with the same with my now SS10. He was 7 when I met him and had very lax parenting. So when I moved in with with FH and my now DD11, I as well stepped up (regrettably) into the disciplinarian role out of necessity since I work from home and am with the kids more. Really and truly, FH needed to do the stepping up back then. He's doing better now but unfortunately, I gather that SS10 is resentful more so towards me because of the change I brought to the house (structure, boundaries, limits, rules, consequences) AND the fact that I'm not his mother.
As for your SD's drawing, not sure what to say to that one. If you met her bother when he was 4 and he;s now 7, then I assume that you met her when she was 2? Is that correct? What's the living arrangement? Do you and your DH have both kids most of the time or is it EOW at your house?
While I sincerely hope DH
While I sincerely hope DH will put the family drawing away out of my sight forever, who knows! He has a folder at work where he drops all of their art -- perhaps this will wind up there, too. I mean, what do you do? I go back and forth between thinking that a good idea is to have a talk about how family means all kinds of things, including me...and just ignoring it. I don't know. It feels like she is confused, and maybe looking for clarification. Or, maybe she was trying to be hurtful. She goes through that, too.
So it is normal for a 7-year old to just be nonstop abusive and rude? God, how am I going to get through this?
Did DH back you up on discipline? I try, and DH always criticizes how I do it, and then I shut down and just get sad and angry at everyone. Then, I get criticized for not being happy and upbeat. It's a GREAT situation for me!
My FH does support me on
My FH does support me on discipline issues but I also had to "train" him to be a better parent to SS. To answer your question, no it's not normal for a 7 year old to be nonstop rude like that. You have to make it clear to your DH that you will not tolerate it and that HE needs to get his son in line.
Just had a long talk with dh
Just had a long talk with dh about it. The consensus is that we are spoiling these kids with a disney-land like life, filled with fun weekend trips and very little discipline. DH agreed, promised he'd help. I just feel so uneduated in how to deal with it -- no kids of my own, and not the slightest idea of what to do!
Drinking wine but still
Drinking wine but still clear-headed- (sorry, my 1st day off.)
Yes, but the major factor here is such;
Their disneyland 'weekend" activities are not exactly what I would be doing. I have an 18 yr. old son that I had at 16 yrs. I'm done being Mama Goose and was just starting to get my freedom, then bam! I fall for dh and his young son (and a mountain of debts.)
I am in quite the "fork in the road" right now.
Do you think dancing around them all weekend is "fun?" I can tell that you do not.
I'd "hit" Route 66 (west)
I'd "hit" Route 66 (west) right now with any of my BBF.
That sounds like more fun to me right now!
First, I am SO jealous that
First, I am SO jealous that you are drinking wine, wherever you are!
No, the dancing around all weekend isn't fun. It was fun in the honeymoon stage. Now, in the full on, full time brat stage, it is the exact opposite of fun.
How old is the young son?
I'd love to hit the road with my BFF. I've been begging her to fly up for a girls weekend all morning!
How do you guys act when the
How do you guys act when the kids behave like this? I just want to get away from them, but then get a huge guilt trip. I also get a guilt trip when I try to discipline them. So frustrating.
The picture was sort of the final straw for me this weekend. I was exhausted and beat up and just wanted to go to my room and cry. It also makes me mad at DH, which is obviously misdirected, but it still really hurts. I wanted to draw a picture of my and my dog and write "MY FAMILY" on top of it and stick in on the fridge. : )
What does your DH do when SD says/does things like that? What do you think is a healthy response?
I have a SS who just turned
I have a SS who just turned 5 (although to sound selfish, he is not my responsibility really; so hence forth I am "allowed" (lol) to roam.(IMO- Marriage does not BUY me.) This is America and if I am shat on..well, you get it.
BS is 18 yrs. and on his own. (His dad dies a few years ago and we had this thing called 'upbringing'..)
Oh yes, and he was exposed to culture, not Spongeboob or anything.
typo correction: (although
typo correction: (although the first is funny)
SpongeBoob= SpongeBob or whatever
Dies= Died
I feel like you should've
I feel like you should've left it at SpongeBoob. I liked that.
I am a sucker and didn't set up a life in which I am allowed to roam. Stupid, stupid. I guess I'm working on that now, without the home court advantage.