terrible, depressing weekend following miscarriage
My DH and I have been trying to get pregnant for a long time, and eventually went to a reproductive endocrinologist for help. DH has two kids, SD5 and SS7, but after his daughter he developed some issue that affected our ability to conceive. The doctors appointments, tests and continued failures each month have been really difficult on both of us.
Two months ago we were shocked to learn that we got pregnant naturally on an "off" month from fertility treatments. We couldn't believe it, and we were so overjoyed. We heard a heartbeat on Tuesday, and we really believed that we were almost in the clear.
Then, at a routine OB appointment, we learned two days ago that the heart stopped. We raced to a specialist, they confirmed that the pregnancy was not viable.
This weekend we have the stepkids (we have them every other friday, sat and sun, and every tues and thurs). SD5 has a cold and has been in a horrible, clingy mood, constantly crying for her mother and holding on to my dh. She doesn't want to stay with me, she just wants to be with DH, who spends all of the weekend hugging, cuddling and kissing. Last night she woke up crying for her mother and DH slept in her bed with her for most of the night.
Meanwhile, I am waiting to have a miscarriage. I want to spend this weekend crying and being consoled by my DH. Instead, all of that is going to his daughter. He wouldn't agree with this -- he points out things like "but I put my arm around you at dinner, remember?"
I am so sad, lonely and depressed. I feel so angry that we have the kids this weekend, and I resent them and my DH. I really never get what I need, it is a constant pattern. How much can I endure???