you need to have a sit down and tell her exactly how you feel simple I know but then at least your husband will see that youve tried and maybe he will support you !

She did you a favor by seeing BM with the SS. Since MIL had to use BRIBERY to have BM and SS have dinner with her, BM will use that everytime now. MIL will be paying (one way or another) to see SS.

Karma is a B!@#$.

I agree with "lifegoeson" although I have a hard time listening to my own advice sometimes. It really is a blessing that my MIL and I don't get along. We just simply don't have contact. My husband grew up with her being crazy, and her ex-husband (my husband's dad) warned me of her irrationality. My husband had a child with two different woman before I met him. She's "friends" with them both. Although everyone told me that all happened AFTER I came along. It just makes them look stupid for not being able to move on. They weren't even close before. And she has grandkids at our house too, but because of all her issues, my husband and I agree that she has no contact with them. It's not a hostile situation. It's just the way it is. However, she DOES see the two kids he has with the other women. They actually go to her house on the weekends they don't come here. As stupid as it sounds, it really is just a plot to irritate my husband and I.

The way I look at it... we apparently affect their lives. They don't affect ours.

I am afraid i would have to say .. " You are in deep shit" .
For all I know if your mother in law doesnt like you, your chances are few.She will either mess your family up or you will wake up one day and say : Enough is Enough!!
Only way out is - if you have your husband on board , is to keep her in a distance.
See her a few times a year , always with people around, buy her good presents at Christmas and always bring good news to her.(Like "Awww, you know Mrs Sour, we bought a new house, or a new car , or my children are learning French, and are very good at it!! we will one day move to Paris.... )
When all else fails... move as far away from her, as possible.

My future MIL is also BFF with my mans ex-wife and still refers to her as her DIL. She talks to her on the phone, emails her, goes for pedicures with her, etc. It hurts my feelings. Just one more problem to add to the pile!!!

My mother in law hates me. I think it is because she cared for my SS7 a lot when he was little (between 1 1/2 and 3yrs old) and when my husband met met, we became an instant family and therefore, didn't need her "raising" his child. My MIL feels like I stole them away from her. She LOVES my husbands ex-wife (apparently this happened AFTER their divorce) and uses her to see SS7 since we have made it clean she favors him over our other boys ages 4 and 2 and that this will not be tolerated.

I feel your pain. My MIL has yelled and screamed at me, called me a witch, and other vicious names. She constantly puts down our 4 yr old who is not her biological grandchild but I have been with my husband since I was pregnant with him and my husband is adopting him.

She also says I am not a good parent to my SS7 and that I am "ruining him." So I have pretty much been content with a limited relationship with her. But it's definitely not a fun way to live!

My In-laws live very close to my stepsons mom and I know that is why they have continued to have a relationship with them. Their house is up for sale right now so I am hoping once they don't live nearby, life will get a little easier in that regard.

Good Luck!

Do what I do:

Go on, take the money and run!

The only reason I put up with the shit I put up with from my in-laws is because they give us money.

Wow it's so good to know I am not alone in this! It's a horrible situation to be in. My husband and I have been married for two years now. I have an 8 year old daughter, he has a 7 year old daughter and we have an 11 month old together. His ex wife is horrible! When I met him he and his Mother were keeping his daughter most of the time. His ex wife had several affairs in their marriage and is a really bad Mother( she always puts herself first) however has taught his daughter to lie and manipulate. It's sad! From the beginning of our marriage my mother in law treated me badly and treated my daughter badly. She spoils my husbands daughter like crazy and would bring her over tons of toys in front of my daughter. I thought she would be happy to have a loving new daughter in law with morals but she never liked that we got married. She slowly began to treat me worse and even physically grabbed my child once at my home. She then began to befriend her horrible ex daughter in law so that she could see my husbands child when we weren't around. They are best friends now, she has no regard for how this effects my husband. His ex wife likes it because she uses his Mother for money and lets her keep the child during her visitation so she doesn't have to be bothered. They say very mean things about me to his daughter and have schemed to try and get my husband to go back to her! Even after I was pregnant with our baby. His Mother wrote him an email saying that his daughter wanted her parents to be together and that I was terrible and it was his fault the ex had affairs! It's crazy and so hurtful. She(his Mother) has contact with my husband because she keeps his daughter alot so they have to exchange her. Other than that we don't talk to or see her at all. She is always texting my husband about his daughter though(pictures ect)all the while she has never seen or even asked him about our 11 month old daughter. She pretends we don't exist at all. My husband doesn't see her socially but isn't really mean to her either which hurts too. It's a terrible place to be in life for sure

This sounds like my wife and my mother. They are best friends. I can argue (sometimes successfully) with each of them separately.

But when they get together I am totally screwed. :O

Fortuneatly my XW and my parents do not have a relationship.

Best regards.

I'm "somewhat" close to the same circumstances, but opposite foot here with my mother and my ex... I've been divorced for almost 10 years now and my mother is just now slowing her roll/role with my ex. Even though my ex took off with another guy and caused both me and my mother to loose our houses. My mother is really detached from modern reality and can't be trusted to do what's right. She lives by her own rules and expects that society as a whole still thinks as it did back in the 60's. What she considers as "thrifty conversation" I consider as lying, and she'll do it in a heartbeat...

Bottom line, I ended up having to tell my mother off because she was starting games by telling my current wife things that my ex wife was saying and vica versa and trying to extract information from both (as if any of it was her business). Don't know what her objective was, but the ex is my EX and my current wife is my WIFE (although for how long I don't know LOL)...

Anyway, I feel your pain only it's with my own mother.

While I am happy that I am not alone, I am upset that there are so many people who are struggling with MIL's and ex-wives and step-kids.

I married my husband 10 years ago, but we have been together now for 13 years. His ex is bi-racial and when I first met his family (even though a was a full time student, single, black mother, had a full time job and my own apartment) his father exclaimed "She is not moving into our house!" during a the first Christmas my DH ever asked me to spend with his family - Keep in mind, I had only met the dad a few weeks before.

But my relationship with my DH progressed and I soon learned that his ex-wife was nuts. The woman (to try to get custody of their two kids) tried to get the courts to allow her to plan our every moment - the papers she filed requested that we be forced to attend church (which is my business one way or the other), put the kids where ever she wanted them to go (at the time an all black school where kids were taught that white people where the enemy) and tried to make it so I could not kiss my husband in front of our kids- and I won't even discuss the amount of money she was asking the courts for (especially since she had quit her job and went on welfare right before she files, she told welfare she wasn't getting child support and tried to make them come after us. She collected over $20,000 from them. At one point (just as insight) she was remarried to another man, had that man's kids and asked the court if my husband could pay additional child support so that she could stay home with her new husbands (a Panamanian fellow) kids!!!!! By this time she decided that she was no longer part black, she was now of Hispanic, white, Chineese, Spanish, Native American and insert just about an culture here. The kids were instructed to act "Black" around all other cultures, and to act "white" around black people. Can you imaging, two bi-racial kids, in an all black school of kids taught to hate white people, flipping their hair and telling the other kids that they are more special because they are white....if you can then the next part of this long story will just about shock you.

So, I then begin to learn how crafty and sneaky the MIL is. She cursed my husband out at our wedding, told my step-daughter's that she could never really love my first born, and lied to the family about a bunch of stuff, and told my SDer's that it was not right for me or my husband to punish them because he had difficulty as a teen. Keep in mind I have been raising these girls since they were 2 and 3. I have fought every school battle, put braced on their teeth, cleaned wounds, tried to combat the whole "color issue" and you name it - I have been the mother doing it, while the ex-wife made the kids pee themselves and tried to get the courts to think it was because they got to see their dad and she even threatened a court official after orders went through.

But it gets worse. After years of hearing the MIL bad mouth the first wife (who cheated on my husband, accused him of child abuse and ultimately lost the kids to us in court), she has befriended the ex-wife because we refuse to let her have her way with us and have stopped her from seeing any of my children - because she accused me of stealing their birthday presents and we discovered that she gave them to the SD's instead. She tells the ST's to run away from home and even lied to the police about knowing whereabouts.

The MIL and the EX are crazy - but my DH and I are of one accord. Our kids don't deserve to be in the center of this (mine and his, we can't stop the ex from taking his and her's to the MIL). But what we have noticed is that the SK's act very differently then our bio kids do. They are competitive and pushy and manipulative and huge liars (could win an oscar) and it is learned behavior.

I think, if your MIL is anything like mine (because who would ever speak to a woman who tortured your own son in such a way), then the less communication with her the better off the kids will be.

Thanks guys for sharing your stories. they really helped me.

My mother-in-law story is not outrageous, but it is upsetting. MIL refuses to let go of her relationship with my husband's ex. This after she went to prison for 6 months, cheated, lied constantly and created large sums of $$$ owed for shopping and legal troubles. His ex is now a member of AA, and has not drank in 2 years. SHe has not been able to hold a job for more than 6 months, and she lives with her boyfriend with which she was having an affair. Without him she would be in shambles. Now she has had a baby with him. Emotionally she seems to be doing much better, but better is not nearly enough. My SD thinks the world of her as she she should (kids always adore their mothers), but she faces a hard road of mental illness as well as a myriad of other things with her mother. My SD is with us primarily. The CRAZY thing is my MIL supports my husband's ex-wife more than she supports us. She says it is bc if they weren't friends with the ex-wife she would never see her granddaughter. It has driven a wedge between Us( me and my husand) and her. I do not need her acceptance, but my husband feels alone. He does not understand why his family acts this way. I don't get it either. If you are not pathetic, you are not liked. A son should not have to be pathetic to get love and affection from his own mother. Is there anything we can do?

I totally understand this because my mother in law is still friends with (and favors) my stepdaughters mother (I can't even say my husband's ex because this girl was only a one night stand). Even though my MIL has flaunted her relationship with this girl in my face and has said and done some mean things to me I'm still civil with her. I have tried to talk to her about how I feel but her philosphy is if I'm not comfortable with the relationship she has with baby's mama then I shouldn't come around and thats exactly what I'm doing. My MIL feels like she needs to have this close relationship with baby's mama in order to see her grand daughter and I understand that but she fails to realize that her lack of effort into getting to know me as a daughter in law and knowing my boys is going to push us farther apart because it may come to the point where we don't come around at all, we still visit but they are limited. Just as long as you make your husband and kids happy, maybe your MIL will realize you are a good person and do take care of her son that she will change her attitude towards you. Just continue to live your life and if she continues to treat your kids differently or fail to have a relationship with them, they will know and won't care to have a relationship with her, kids are not kids forever. Good luck.

I have the same problem I have been dating my boyfriend for 8 years now and he is still married his ex parents left didn't want anything to do with her or the grandkids. They been separated for 10 years now they have two kids together and we have two kids of our own so his mom visit fm out of town she always has to stay with my bf's ex's house she never wanted to stay with me or spend time with my kids she's always at her place sometimes I feel like she doesn't want anything to do with me or my kids and I never said anything to him I don't want to start anything between me and my bf. but his mom has a close relationship with his ex she never call me to check up on my kids see how we are doing its always about her every family gather by bf has his ex always has to be there because they have two kids and they have a friendly relationship because of the kids. But sometimes I feel awkward like dont want to be around when she's around because I feel weird and outsider because that's his ex-wife and I am only the girlfriend so every time we meet new ppl or we go places my bf's mom always says his daughter in law is his ex-wife she never really says that about me when we go places or she introduce me to somebody on his family I don't feel welcome at all to her is always about her her and her kids, even though I have two kids with his son she never made the effort to come over and spend time with us:/ which it sucks but if she doesn't oh well I gotta move on all it matters to me are my kids if my bf's mom doesn't like me oh well but I am used to it now every time she comes to visit she stays at my bf's ex-wife's house not ours. And I find it very weird and awkward to be around his mom I am not even comfortable to be around her because I never had a relationship with his mom it's always about his ex wife I guess it's because I m just the girlfriend:/ but I find it really hard to deal with it

I feel for ya, Sista! My MIL is whacked- you name it, she connives it! I disconnected and I'm lucky because my hubby loves me so much that he himself sees it. He sees how good I am to him and his kids and my kids and even to his mother, that the gang up of those two doesn't matter at all. She controls everyone with gossip and strife and money. I'm not part of either because I don't like to gossip and I have more money than her and her lack of control over me and our life must be truly a bear to her. Just be yourself.

OMG at least I'm not the only sane one going through this insane mess. My MIL and I have never really been very close but we liked each other and I enjoyed going over. She seemed to like me and I her but there was never a close bond. (she didn't even show up to my baby shower none of my husbands family did.) My husband has two kids with his ex gf and when I meet him I had one and his family accepted him as did he. my in laws were civil with her the ex but not real close. My husband took in my son like his and changed his last name name then we had a child of our own. I went to every family gathering and it was nice. Them my MIL all of a sudden starts bringing the ex back in the pic inviting he to fam events so I get upset anxpress my feelings anyway long story short she now works with her as well as my sis in law they cut me out and started calling her family so without details I just stopped taking to them. But then they stopped asking for my kids or about them meanwhile shes with mystep kids and the exs kids and her sis kids saying they are family but doesn't care abo.ut my kids. When I finally told her she said I was being selfish and typical and it was all my fault. Im in hell but I love my husband and I well fight for my marriage I just will have to do without in laws