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I've had about enough of my DH

confusedsm03's picture

I've taken SS home more than normal lately. DH has been helping DD with her homework and this week, DH isn't feeling well...of course, we are a team so I don't mind. Although BM usually traps me in never ending conversations (one night I was there for over an hour!). Thursday evening DH asked if I would take SS home. We were behind schedule so DS1 was still awake. I told him I would and I took DD with me. DH told DD he would do spelling words with her that night bc the test was the next day. Of course, I get stuck helping BM and talking. I get home and DH didn't put DS1 to bed, he didn't pick up any of the house. So I walk in feeling overwhelmed in the first place. I tell DH that BM told me she calls her daughter's father to yell at SS over the phone bc DH doesn't answer (he can't answer at work). I felt obligated to tell DH bc I thought this was out of line. Of course, DH is then mad at me bc she's an idiot. DH doesn't help DD with homework so I'm running around trying to get DS to bed, homework done, house cleaned, dinner cleaned up (I have to cook 2 meals bc DH decided he was a vegetarian) all the while DH is fuming with me. Today, I wanted to go grocery shopping as DS napped and DD went out with a friend and DH said he didn't feel good and didn't want me to leave DS with him (even though he's asleep). So last night I made my list, cleaned the house, folded the laundry, etc so I could go this morning. Now I'm sitting with nothing to do as DH sleeps, DS sleeps and DD isn't home and my house is clean. I really hate wasting my time like this. I don't mind helping DH, I really don't. Taking SS home and eating shit from BM is annoying but I like for him to not have to run around all the time too. BUT when I'm helping, what is he doing? DS never gets put to bed, the house doesn't get picked up, last time he didn't even help DD with her homework. He wants to sleep today bc he doesn't feel well, fine...but tomorrow he isn't going to be here so I'm doing everything alone again. I'm so tired of helping but when I ask for help, I don't get it. I don't mind doing all the things around the house but if I'm helping you by driving your responsibility back and forth to his BM...can't he atleast watch DS when he is sleeping?! This weekend, which is SS free, is already off a bad foot. I hate when this happens. I know DH doesn't feel well, but when I don't feel well I don't get to stay in bed and all day and know that everything is being taken care of. Sometimes I feel I'm the only one who gets the shitty end of the stick around here.

oneoffour's picture

I would just go. Just go. Tell him you are going shopping and will be back in xx mins/hrs. He is 'unwell' not on deaths door.

What I see is you being the Good Guy and being sucked into his guilt game. So change the rules. Tell him that you have to shop and you will not be stopping for a mani/pedi and MANY times you have had to do things when you haven't been feeling 100%. So he can watch the kids for a little while.

And stop chatting to BM and 'helping' her? Is she in a wheelchair? Just have a legitimate task to do on the way home and beat a hasty retrea. Although in your situation I would more likely tell DH that he needs to drop off HIS son at HIS exs place for the next few weeks. I get the idea he is doing nything to avoid her. Well YOU weren't married to her, he was.

There is nothing wrong with standing up for yourself.